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They say games won’t hurt you, but then again, it depends on how much emotions you’ve invested on it.
Similarly, it’s like a relationship. The more u put in, the tougher it is when something happens to it.
I spent a month on an online game called Travian introduced by my friends, and I started out rather slowly, building bit by bit, spending hours on it and even skipping the rules when I used admin computers to surf it. That was how dedicated I was to making it a success. I’ve had really tough patches, as there were raids and assaults all the time, sometimes stalling any constructions I had in mind. Eventually I was invited into an alliance, and things started to go well, I had great relationships with my neighbouring villages, and even having some helping me when times were tough, I felt right not raiding them at the 1st place, and now they’re helping me back…
But then, everything didn’t last for long, due to one careless mistake, I poked the eye of a sleeping dragon, and all hell broke loose.
As I scouted villages around me, one of them was this big one and he was offended by the scouting and started tearing me apart. My allies, thankfully, responded with such vigour that I felt touched that they were actually willing to help, even they were situated far off from me. Together, we blunted several assaults from him, and eventually more and more people got involved and now it has become a full-scale battle between two alliances. My allies never stopped helping, and they never stopped attacking. It soon looked as a losing cause as nothing seemed to be in my favour, allies too far off, enemies too near.
Eventually I even sued for peace with the offender and he got arrogant and ignored the plea even after he himself said he wanted to talk to me. I wasn’t surprised about his sudden turn as it is normal for any victorious army to push forward on the crest of victory. I was speechless. I felt a sudden dizziness and shivered non-stop. It seemed like what happened to Dad years ago…it felt like blacking out.
After discussion with my allies, they agreed me to quit as the best option rather than feed them. With a heavy heart, I pressed the quit button.
With less than 72 hours to go, I’m counting down to another failure. Not any less bitter than my 1st failure.
I really hate walking away. I hate giving up halfway through anything else. I hate it even more when I gave up because I failed.
I hate failing.
Which means that I am Kiasu.
Kiasu means scared of losing. I admit I hate losing.
I hate it even more when I lose to jackasses and people of less deserved.
I wish to thank all those who helped me all this while and hope that they would succeed in their future undertakings. I am touched with the help given, even though I may not be there long enough to savour it anymore.
Now how much more would I screw up?
It’s been all the way downhill ever since Form 6. Had my luck finally ran out?
Nothing has been right. I really feel bad with everything now.
I wish she would pay attention to whatever I wrote. It would tell her how much she had affected my life, and contradict a statement she wrote on her MSN, “Guys’ ruined girls’ live, don’t you think so?”
I would pay a lot to have my life back. Starting from the moment I gave up piano.
Just like Jay’s old tune I’m listening to now, Hui Dao Guo Qu (Going back into the Past), I really want to turn it all back.
But light has no opposite vector. Enough said.