It's been like, 2, 3 years since I've touched this blog?
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 5:09 AM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I have a report and an assignment due tomorrow, and yet I decide to blog.
I should really start to prioritize my things. I've been sleeping after 3am for the past few days, struggling with my work. And I haven't done any revision!!!
Yet life goes on.
I have made it a point to actually be a little smarter in planning my prac sessions next semester, no prac-cramming that will eventually cause me to struggle over the increasing workload. I want to do my own things, have some space to really enjoy my life, as well as step outside of the mundane world Engineering is starting to become.
I find that most engineers have the same problem. We are introverts.
I thought Aussies are supposed to be like super friendly and just go "BOOOYAAA!!!" when you walk across. However, all I see is just meek smiles or sour faces with eyes glued on the computer screen. Seriously, we're doing more work on computers than handwriting these days. It's no wonder most of us have a tendency to wear glasses. I find it rather hard to communicate with them actually, maybe that is because I'm in a group where they just don't speak much? I'm not sure. I hope to widen the scope even further, I'm planning a trip to Sydney and going for gliding next semester, which I really hope will materialize, since two of my friends will be in their final year next year. It's shocking to realize how fast time flies.
I wanted to tell you all that I'm starting to enjoy my life here, regardless of the pay-per-byte internet, the bizzare idea that cricket and aussie football is the craze here, and the horrible drunk locals who just don't know when to stop drinking. I thought I found my solace here months ago.
I was wrong.
Most of you knew what has happened. I shall not touch upon that subject, until I'm ready to.
I'm not going to lie that it has left a huge void in my life, and all the goodwill the city showered upon me just disintergrated. But, I was able to talk to Grace the other day and tell her: "I'm over you." All the pain that I had 3 years ago just dissipated. I'm relieved by it. I had finally let go of my past.
I've come to terms that somehow, God (even though I'm not a very religious person) has other plans for me rather than allowing me to shower my attention on another soul. It's been a topsy turvy year where I see drastic changes among my friends, one who was attached broke up, and patched up again; one moved house and now I get to spend time somewhere in the city while waiting for the next class; another who was just simply the last person you think would end up with someone, got attached and is having a real good time with someone he told me took a year to chase. I deleted someone out of my life, my oldest friend whom I cannot stand anymore. Not to mention the groups of new people I meet almost every month, I feel that my life has finally rooted itself here in Adelaide. I only pray that it gets better.
I myself, am still in square one.
I enjoyed the times we had. Meeting you has been the best thing I had all this year. I never regretted doing all those things for you, I wish it was a little better in terms of appreciation.
It's funny when I thought I've done alot, but eventually it meant nothing to someone. You'll feel gutted and wondered why was it that happened, till the extent, you forgot even my birthday. Speaks volumes on how much I meant to you.
But it's time to move on.
I'm not sure I can go back to where we were. At least I know I can't. I miss you, I still think about you, but it's getting lesser and lesser everyday. The whiff of your scent, the sweet smile on your face, the melodious voice, the warmth you generate, will always be in my mind, just like the memories with Grace.
Only that with Grace, it was a relief that it finally ended.
Waves of regrets I have now for us.
God, I pray to you to give me strength to face life with a smile.
I finally understood why Aussies love to say "No Worries"
Worrying is something I do all the time, and I can't help it.
No worries everyone. Good luck in exams! ^_^
Lastly, I want to share a song that I quite dig these days. It's called "Officially Missing You" by Tamia, rendition by Jayesslee. For those who read from Facebook, my URL is http://yuiyouunderinfluence.blogspot.com and the song can be found under my links.
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 9:31 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 11:09 PM
Saturday, September 5, 2009
To those reading under the RSS Feed to Facebook, the blog is here at http//:yuiyouunderinfluence.blogspot.com
So here I am standing all alone
Here I am waiting just for you
So lonely so here I am standing all alone
Here I am waiting just for you
So here I am standing all alone（standing all alone）
So here I am waiting just for you
那是我在轻轻唱着歌 我多爱你 着你
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 12:21 PM
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 2:05 AM
Friday, June 26, 2009
I was never a person who believes in divinity. I believed that Man is his own Master and that religion is the most powerful psychological weapon the world has ever had. It binds people from all races and places into a single banner. A banner of God, and what I may say is sacrilegious, nonetheless, that is how I feel.
Today I felt the need for divinity to be with me, to give me strength to overcome things that have and will come my way. I wish it was true, and I noticed the need to have a greater power over me.
I felt the need too, to have someone beside me, to be with me even the last second I exist. Because normally, I feel lonely in this world that I exist in. I noticed the need to have company, the need to coexist.
The need, to have friends.
I felt thankful today that one of my oldest friends came back to me at the moment that I needed someone the most today, and gave me the courage to stand against the tide. I felt that my walls are about to crumble under the anguish and sorrow of not being able to change what is there, and he saved me from it. For that, I thank you.
I do not feel comfortable about telling this, but I have been debating online for the past 3 months with another person who deemed himself worthy to discuss the nation’s policies. He fashioned himself a blog and made several comments which were in a way, twisted in my point of view about the country as a whole. He glorified the oppressors, and sneered at the fighters. He brushed aside dissenters, and welcomed supporters. All was well, until I came.
I came and gave him a piece of my mind (hint noted for the title of his blog, for I do not wish to be linked to his from mine). I fashioned an anonymous name and fought in the dark. I exulted in the battles we fought in which I have successfully defended my case against his and made him somehow curious who this person was. Even to the extent of branding those who support the opposition are only able to defame, intimidate and affirm the writer of his writings. I myself apprehended a few of them for calling him what I myself hated the most, a pendatang (which means an immigrant). Those who were on my side hit back at me, calling me names, I was hurt. But I refused to back down. And took the middle road and focused on debating solid facts with the writer. I was happy when he started to respond in a kinder manner, and was willing to listen to my feedbacks. Until today.
He came in a whirl and slammed me for disagreeing with every single thing he wrote. I cannot blame him, as we have a contrasting view on how the nation should be run. And he went on to attack the very fundamentals of my points, that race-based politics should be abolished in order to truly realize 1Malaysia. He argued that it is unlikely to do so and it is very relevant and I should just accept it. He went on to accuse me of spinning the facts which I have shown him and he has branded me an Opposition supporter, which I am as they champion my ideals, but I may choose again as they do not. I was hurt when he tried to brand me as the very fanatical members he had labeled who had hurt me as well. I felt that I was attacked not because my points were poor, but I was not agreeing to him.
For that I do not know what more I could do save ignore him, but I replied to him and you may read them, if he dares to publish it. He has deleted some of it before, and I have made the cbox beside it my outlet. I fear he may remove that as well.
But somehow I didn’t know about that until my friend told me about it as I was discussing about the blog I read. And I never felt tired than before.
I’m so tired of politics that I wish it didn’t exist. I wish I could just run away and let my country rot and fall into ruin. I wish I was really an immigrant who could just walk away and laugh at it when it falls. But I couldn’t. We are sons and daughters of the land as well, what makes them have more rights than us over it? Shouldn’t everyone be entitled to equal rights? Isn’t that form of oppression they conceived a form of Apartheid as well?
Then again I question myself. I remember Lelouch vi Brittania of Code Geass, which surprisingly as an anime gave me an inquisition over my views. His father Charles is a leader of a nation that is based upon the Social Darwinism. To kill or be killed, to compete, to survive and only the survival of the fittest shall be fit to rule. Lelouch questions the tradition in which his sister Nunnally is one of those who won’t survive the onslaught should it happen to her, and that why aren’t the weak be sheltered as well? But, the Holy Brittanian Empire was successful due to this concept, and those who were ruthless and strong ruled well. While its competitors, like the E.U. were weak as they exercised democracy and the people only obey the popular view. This makes me wonder that is the country headed the right way? That the survival of the fittest is the way to rule? It certainly is in the animal kingdom. Should we adhere ourselves to compete and overwhelm each other, regardless of the strong and the weak so that we are able to succeed?
Then again, Lelouch fought against such ideals and sacrificed himself in order to create a world in which his sister would be able to survive in. Along the way he betrayed everyone, even his sister at the end in order to focus all hate towards him and with his death, all hatred would vanish and the world could rebuild itself. I wish it was that easy in life.
Same as something happened to me several weeks ago over a friend of mine. I made a simple remark in which happened to involve his girlfriend and the remark somehow annoyed him. Immediately as a response he harassed me in one of the applications as well as called me a person that no one likes to talk to, that I have no friends. All because of a girl, he was willing to forego a friendship over hard times.
Then again I question myself, do I really have that few friends? How many of them are actually my friends rather than ‘friends’? This happened to me months ago when another girl out of a sudden called me an insignificant friend. I started to ask myself whether I have problems in which people are not willing to really befriend me? Do I seem problematic as Bryan claims me to be? Does anyone secretly hate me and want nothing more than destroy me if offered the chance to do so?
If having friends is that hard of a thing, then what about love? I have just recently found out that one of my friends actually liked me two years ago and I didn’t notice that from her. But nothing’s going to happen since she has since moved on and attached herself. I never said I didn’t considered her, but at the period of time I was badly hurt by another person I thought had great potential and looked like a missing part of me. I felt sorry now that the girl who liked me had to listen to hours of me telling how hurt I was by another girl while she harboured feelings for me. Doesn’t that feel familiar on my side? I didn’t like it, how would she? I felt that I have done more wrongs than right, and if that is so, can I be truly considered right?
Unlike what my other friends who claim that I was a self-righteous person. I often question myself over the things I’ve done. I was inspired by Barack Obama whom against all odds became what may be the most inspiring person I have ever seen in real life, as we speak. He had shown me that change is possible within every one of us and it is our choice to decide whether we wanted the change, or not. I was inspired by his speeches, the way he approached conflicting issues between the Middle East and the West, birth control and abortion, peace and war. He showed me that if there is a will, there is a way. But I am far from him, as he is a Law Graduate from Harvard University, while I am struggling over a repeat semester at a programme which has not confirmed my place at the university yet. He is the POTUS (President of the United States) while I am a 21 year old who has nothing but trouble all over his hands and yet seeks out more trouble by stirring the hornet’s nest full of BN supporters.
My friend told me that what I wrote was equivalent to his lecturers in university, and we have an Obama within each of us, that we can make a difference, and change the world, no matter who we are. I thank him for this. For without those words, tonight would’ve been a long night for me. I pray hard that tomorrow a better day arrives in which the world slowly but surely moves in a path where our efforts do not go in vain.
I pray that I will be there to see it.
I wish those who said those words to me could’ve taken it back. I value my friends so much that I try not to have so many so that I can take care of each and every one of them. I weep for those who have left me, for I have not without effort tried to keep them with me.
I pray that the writer would see fault in his words and debate in a civil way rather than the manner he does today. I know I cannot please everyone in this world, but I try to please most of us.
I pray that God, take what may be taken from me, and grant me a future. I am an ambitious man, and I want to leave a name in the annals of history before the end. If not, I have failed my life.
I thank you again, Windmaster Hiroaki for you support. You have been my stauch defender, my critic and my companion for 14 years. I wish there is more for us.
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 4:38 AM
Friday, June 5, 2009
Swot Vac (Study Without Teaching Vacation) is one week away. Means exams is close. Must work harder.
This is a matter of life and death. I must pass every single subject. No prisoners. No mercy.
Wish me luck everyone. ^_^
Until then, I better do something annoying just to keep the edge off. :p
How did you get one of your scars?
*Looks at own face* Being impatient with acne, itchy hands.
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
My 1st real Birthday Party at Kbox(Not the one in Ipoh lah) We sang until 3am, half drunk.
How are you feeling at this moment?
Cold. Warm now since the heater is on. Having severe nose blockage due to the weather.
How did your night go last night?
What was last night...erm...waiting for nothing to happen.
How did you do in high school?
How did I do? I was regarded as a living deity in school. Need I say more? I was also quite well-known among teachers, active as a Librarian, STCL Lab Assistant, STELS Secretary, Debater, Choir Club Discipline Master, Taekwondo Club Member, Magazine Editorial Board Member, etc. I sound like a very very pompous piece of @$$
How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Cheap sale at Jay Jays. Keeps me warm.
How much money did you spend last month?
1k. Overspent on trips to Hahndorf and Barossa.
How old do you want to be when you get married?
Not concerned. When the time is right, with the right person, right place.
How old will you be at your next birthday?
22. Coming very soon.
Your mothers name?
Limbu Rock :p
What did you do last weekend?
Nothing! No la, did assignments, watched E.U. and chatted online.
What is the most important part of your life?
Friends and Family, and my studies.
What would you rather be doing?
Playing Diablo 3, Empire: Total War or Learning haute cuisine from top chefs.
What did you last cry over?
Getting insulted for trying to debate with people who fail to understand the need to be courteous with the opposition. Being rude just proves them right that we argue with no substance.
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Huge cup of Coffee, Rainy day and slow music like FF7's Cloud Smiles. Alternatively, a smile and a hug from someone who I like and likes me too.
What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Compatability. I'm really concerned about matching or at least a certain level of matching personalities or else things won't work at all.
What are you worried about?Worried about the coming exams. It's a do or die thing, and I don't think I'd make the cut.
What did you have for breakfast?
A Whopper value meal at Hungry Jacks.
EIGHT HAVE YOUS:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yes. But I would never ever think of breaking them up.
Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Yes. By someone who now haunts me all over the place.
Have you ever been out of the country?
I'm out of the country now. =.=
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yes. Every other day. But none as dumb as pining for someone who isn't worth it at all.
Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
Yes. But I've forgiven him, it's not worth it to hate someone forever. Just be careful and not to trust him/her with anything.
Have you ever had sex on the beach?
No. But I'd love to, on a deserted one.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes. I do it all the time. But not now. I wish I had the time.
Who was the last person you saw?
The sick weirdo in my hostel. I personally am disgusted with him with his weird actions. Wished he would just move out.
Who was the last person you texted?
I can't remember, it was Ferlis or Mike.
Who was the last person you hungout with?
Wilson, Jeremy, Alex and Chong. We had dinner at Ming's.
Who was the last person to call you?
Who did you last hug?
My pillow :p
Who is the last person who texted you?
Again, Ferlis or Mike.
Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?
Haha! Someone. Serious. Not.Going.To.Tell :p In a joking/serious way.
Where do your best friends live?
Malaysia. Though some of them are scattered from the country.
Where did you last go?
Ming's restaurant for dinner. Wished I had steamboat.
Where did you last hang out?
Mike's place, Unilodge. Watching him play Ping Pong.
Where do you go to school?
My University lah!
Where is your favorite place to be?
Currently? Maths Learning Service at Level 1 Schulz Building. Apparently 3 hours there is equivalent to the whole weekend doing assignments.
Where did you sleep last night?
My bed lah.
Do you like someone right now?
Yes. So Not.Going.To.Tell.
Do you think anyone likes you?
Not too sure. I suspect, but I always overreact to things.
Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Yes. I am really impressed with Barack Obama now. He's a man I look up to right now.
Do you know the muffin man?
Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. I know a Muffy the Mufflehead though.
Does the future scare you?
Yes. I'm fighting for it in a matter of weeks.
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
They accept me for who I am, and not what I have. We agree to disagree, and we enjoy each other's company.
Why did you get a myspace?
I had an account. I failed to use it.
Why did your parents give you the name you have?
Ok, not many people know about this. They think it was a practical joke. Goh is my surname, so nothing can be done there. Kwok is because of my father's side where all my male cousins share the same 1st name as mine, just like my Dad's siblings with his. Yui is because my mom brought me to someone called Mak Seng Loong (something like that) who made an analysis and decided the supposed name I should have is not beneficial to me and gave me another one, which is a seemingly feminine name. It was not until long before I realized the name was used more on girls than guys. FML
Why are you doing this survey?
Curious. I do things at the spur of a moment. Probably procrasinating from algebra as well.
If you could have one super power what would it be?
Tissue regeneration. Similiar to Wolverine's as I hate injuring myself and longevity.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
Yes. Either stop me from picking my acne, or learn how to play the piano.
If you were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
A Lamp with a Genie that would grant me 3 wishes.
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you out?
No. Maybe I would just to get back at her.
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Good reason to do so. I've always been curious how I would look bald.
ONE LAST QUESTION
Are you happy now?
Nope. I'll be happy once I know I passed my exams.
Posted by -tAkEmOtO- at 10:31 PM