In dedication....

Just last Thursday, I received a dreadful news...

Another person has left me...

I didn't know what to do then, neither could i understand the mixture of feelings just because of it happening, at such a short time, and yet not unexpected.

I'd like to dedicate this to my dear friend, and ex-neighbour, Mrs Lee.

Ever since i was a kid, able to walk and move around that small area between my house and my nanny's, which was just a backstreet apart, i would always do so. My parents were not people who would respond to my every whim and fancy, so they hired a nanny to take care of me instead... and from what i heard, i was extremely difficult to attend to, being the noisiest kid in the maternity ward, and crying for every single thing i do at that moment....nobody wouldn't know of my existence... i was particularly 'vocal' with it..lol...

Mrs Lee was the person living opposite my nanny, we were living of the same road of my actual home, but strangely i got to know her just because she was a good friend of my nanny. They would spend the afternoon talking across the street, and well do what a good housewife does, cook, clean, and gossip. It was always at these times where i got the time alone to do all sorts of crazy and stupid things, and end up regretting by getting hurt, like got bitten by a stray dog that i thought was my pet, to getting my leg stuck in the drain because my slipper fell into it, and i tried to reach it with my feet, and now i shrudder thinking that how stupid i was not to realise how deep the drain was...u can go to Taman Pertama to see that drain on Jalan Pertama...it's not the shallow things u see in the new neighbourhoods...it's the real deal.

Now, my childhood memories weren't just her talking to my nanny, she would appear in me and my sister's birthdays to join in the celebration... it was never a big affair, just a bunch of people gorging on fast food and fried stuff, cutting the cake and talk. I remember so clearly of her being that cheery, positive and friendly person that goes along with the crowd...and my parents knew her and her husband quite well, as i found out much later on. She was, a part of my childhood, and played a major part in its metamorphisis...

Mrs Lee was a teacher teaching in TCS...which was just a short drive from our neighbourhood. It was a school famous for their choir team, as i found out two years ago. I never knew what she taught in school, i think it was maths, or science, but i can feel that english might've been likelier... i may never know...

She never taught me academically, but had a major impact on my being. It was a stagnant time in my life, and i had nothing going well, being average in class, complained by teachers, being very difficult to handle. My sister and i had just given up several things, like computer lessons and playing the piano, the latter in my opinion being the worst decision in my life, so far. We had nothing to do, and had only the telly and the Playstation to immerse ourselves in it. It was a wasted childhood. What she did was reccommend a book, a book that made me rekindle my long lost relationship with literature.

My mother claimed she read to us during bedtime in our younger years, and it was that that made us very well-read. I never felt a stronger connection until my sister agreed to get the book and start reading it. When she got to the 3rd book, i started doing the same.

That book, was Harry Potter And the Prisoner Of Azkaban.

I still maintain until now that, that was my favourite book amongst the whole series. J.K Rowling wrote brilliantly for the 1st four books, and then when everything went skyrocketing, as well was her swelling ego, the book fell flat. I hated the 5th book. And i really am appalled by the last one. I was one of those who read before the whole Pottermania, and did not pin Daniel Radcliffe as a poster boy on my wall, though i would happily put Emma Watson on mine...lol

I went from book to book, including reading books like Roald Dahl that was given to me for my birthday, long forgotten. I just couldn't stop reading from then on. It wasn't a breeze as everyone think it is, i had rough patches and times where i would rather throw away and go watch the telly, it takes time, and the willingness to follow the storyline and the guidance of the writer. Bad writers write bluntly and gives you nothing to imagine in you own mind. The good ones usually write discreetly, and leaves a large room for our imagination. I went from small short stories of the Bookworm series, to tackle the LOTR, which was almost a thousand pages to read.

My sister's reading habits declined as time went. She would rather stick to magazines from England like Smash and TOTP(Top of The Pops), while i was guided my Mrs Lee, to tackle different books instead.

She gave me a book, called Legend Of Huma, which was one of the Dragonlance Series written by Richard A. Knaak, and i was hooked on it. It told of a young knight in a fictional land that had very heavy burden's to carry, come to think of it, was a grand display of medieval chivalry. He was of the lowest Knight Of The Crown, and yet at his young age, did more and thought wiser compared to older Knights of more higher orders, at the Oath and Measure's darkest hour. He did sacrifice himself in the end, and he did it well enough. It was the Knight's quote that srtuck me. Est Sularis Oth Mithas, my honour is my life. It became a good measure to follow, in my younger days at school, and i would believe that is where they started comparing me and the greater divine, much to my despair...

There were plenty of books to quote, like Brian Jacques, with the rather adoreable Red Wall rats, to Robert Jordan's Wheel Of Time...I hadn't the time to write one to Mr. Jordan as well, who left just recently as well. Many of the readers, like me and yann shern, was frustrated by the overstreched series, preferring some series, like the Eight and Tenth book, to be described more simply, than being overelaborated. Maybe he had too many major characters, or thinks those parts were important in telling the story...we may never know the ending, as the last book was never published. It is a great pity. And a dismay to people like me, who understand and take Rand, Mat and Perrin as people close to our hearts. Duty heavier than mountains, Death lighter than a feather. We could end it all in a stroke, but what we leave behind, matters more than ourselves...

I've learned more from these books than from people like teachers, parents, and friends would ever teach me. And i owe it to one person who helped me see the bright side in lifting a book to be called nerdy, and the gift of knowledge that it comes within. In fact, my short-sightedness was due to reading under poor lighting, explaining the intensity of LOTR when i read it...it was a tough book to read, but anyhow worthwhile when everything comes to my senses, it was never easy to understand, until you read the whole thing, i mean, everything. Ask anyone who reads it, and you'll knonw that unless you read everything, you wouldn't understand anything in LOTR...

I've gotten too far from Mrs Lee, but i couldn't refrain my enthusiasm of reading, and describe anything my mind comes across. People often wonder and ask why i do well in certain subjects, and become somehow envious of it. It comes with hard work, and the willingness to put away pride and accept being taught. I recall a friend who scorned my Living Skills teacher who tried to teach us sewing, saying it was girls stuff, and girls are supposed to know this exclusively. I would've been that person, but i understand and accept that any knowledge given would somehow aid me in the future, and it doesn't matter what is it, even from the most mundane task. Now, i fold clothes better, faster than my mother ever did, because i was willing to learn how to do it, on work. Being good, comes with a price. You won't get it unless you earn it. Willingly.

I owe a lot to Mrs Lee, she never taught me that much stuff, but her books did. She saved me a lot when she borrowed books to me, and the most recent one was the Knife Of Dreams by RJ, and it was of the 1st edition, costing more than two of the normal ones. I still keep three of the books she borrowed me, as Mr. Lee lets me keep it, as a gift. It is a mighty gift. I don't know how much i could thank them for what they gave me.

This too, also incurs a worrying situation, where i worry something wrong would happen to my loved ones when i'm not around. She succumbed to the cancer so suddenly and, painfully that i heard she couldn't eat of drink well in her dying days. Worse was when she wouldn't want us to visit her, and secluded herself from public. I wish i was there to see her, alive and well. Now, all i saw was a body in a casket, segregated my a thin wall of glass, sleeping serenely, not able to listen to how thankful i am to her.

What worries me now is of those who are living. How many more would leave me when im not around? Who are they, and would i meet them before the end, and let them know how much i care for them? My friends, in particular, are those i dread to watch, as it signals my decline to old age, anything sooner comes as an even bigger impact on me. No one deserves to leave before their life is fulfilled. No one. I even worry about her, as i rather not see her name appear on the deceased list of people, hurt beyond belief moments before death, no matter how much pain she has done to me. I rather see her alive, happy and well. I ask nothing more than that.

I'm afraid of death. And i fear more of those who leave before me. Nothing can stop it. But we can do our best and live life to its fullest beforehand, and not regret in the end.

I pray what i do now woulnd't make me pay in the future. And i pray for every aquaintance's safety and well-being. I now cherish more of people than i ever did before. I hope to see everyone again.

Rest In Peace, Mrs. Lee.