Uncertain Future...

I am writing this after a few days stay at my friend’s house…during that time, thanks to him, I was able gain full use of his personal-high speed internet connection to keep track of the election result that occurred on Saturday…even before the election results came in…we were having a great time joking, playing games and teasing each other, as well as talking about the outcome of this election. One thing is for sure, I knew that change was about to come…

I never felt strongly about politics, until the introduction of General Knowledge (Pengajian Am) in my Form 6 period…Ms. Tan, my PA teacher, gave me immaculate details about how the country was functioned, the stories behind them, and also why we were in this current situation. I gained a lot of insight into the way our country was run by surfing the web ever since the Bersih and Hindraf rallies and felt strongly about certain issues that was deemed taboo and discouraged to question, especially the NEP and Malay superiority (Ketuanan Melayu).

I had countless arguments with my family about the certain issues that I had pointed out, especially with my father. Now, my father is a kind of person that I would never want to cross or annoy, probably of the past memories of him being violent and fierce, and also the distance we were as he was never around the house. I admit being a mother’s boy, showing distinct features that somehow made me more feminine, and also equates to me being labeled as GAY. (For that issue, read my previous post to see my explanation to that matter.) The fact is, my father was a staunch BN supporter, and there are reasons why he did so.

Firstly, it was my family business. Now, most of the people never knew what my family used to sustain our lifestyle. Probably they thought I was rich, and usually had some luxury items with me, like an MP3 player, a cellphone, and a car, that my father would be some rich Tan-Sri tycoon that feeds off our country’s resources. Closer friends would name my father as a famous national basketball player, and strangely having his son being helplessly poor in this particular sport. Neither of these facts were accurate, as neither my father was a rich tycoon, nor my dad won so many trophies that he can live his life comfortably with the money he won from basketball competitions (In fact, I doubt he won anything as Malaysia wasn’t that influential in the world of basketball.)In fact, I sometimes feel ashamed of telling people of what my family does as a career, and would shy away from the question every time when this was asked. My mother usually tells me to write “Manager” for my father’s occupation, and “Supervisor” for my mother’s when filling out forms regarding that matter. The fact is my family was involved in the gaming industry.

What do I mean by that?

My family actually runs the Magnum 4-D business.

Play The Game...

If you lived in Malaysia, you will often come across a yellow shop with 4D as a symbol (they changed the logo a few years ago) and it will also include a slogan “Play the Game.” During certain days, you would see people swarming at these shops, especially during Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday for no reason at all. Sometimes you would have cars clogging up the roads beside these shops, heck, even buses whereby bus drivers would drop buy and while passengers would be inside waiting for the ride to go on. Sometimes you would see the person walking out with a smile on their faces, which is when they had won a prize for predicting the exact four numbers in the correct sequence, and betting a certain amount of money into predicting that number. In simple terms, it is called gambling. You gamble with four numbers, and bet money on it. Get it?

This is an example of how the ticket looks like...don't buy the number though

A normal business day...look at the traffic...

Honestly, I have never gambled before in my life. Well, not until the Texas Hold ‘Em game in my friend’s house. Yet, I helped others to gamble. I used to scorn smokers, drinkers, womanizers, swindlers and gamblers. I would be confident to say that I would not be a smoker as I would not pay money to poison myself, and personally having respiratory problems; I would not be a swindler but I would lie if I had to, when it is needed; I would not be a drinker as I have allergy towards alcohol, I would not be a womanizer, if I married the woman I love; But about gamblers, I would slap myself if I scorn them, as I myself and my family, are helping them to gamble, what difference do we have in comparison to drug peddlers distributing drugs to the addicts?

My mother used to work as the secretary to the owner of YeeLee Corp. Where it was after the birth of my youngest sister, she resigned in order to fit the time raising us, as well as to help my father in his business. That is where “Manager” and “Supervisor” comes in, my father owns the shops, but my mother runs the administration within it, due to her experience. She did an outstanding job with it. My family’s business began to grow, and we began to have a much more comfortable lifestyle. From the corner lot in First Garden, to the Semi-Detached two-storey house in Arena Kepayang Putra. I would say that because of my family’s personal efforts, we have gone from a low-income family to a middle income family, and was able to afford the stuff that you see that was in my possession. My family founded our lifestyle, and we worked damn hard for it. Having seen my parents worked tirelessly, sometimes to the point of collapse in order to increase sales and even solve potential problems, I never questioned them about the virtues of encouraging people to gamble.

The fact is, if we coerce people not to gamble, we lose our fortune. Often you would see Muslims walking in our premises and trying their luck as well, with full knowledge of the fact that gambling is illegal in their religion. We would still sell it to them and with no feeling of remorse. Sometimes it was a Muslim policeman that would come in and do the same thing instead, isn’t that ridiculous, they know about it, and yet they chose to do it? There were even times where the undercover-religious officials would try to catch these people instead, but yet they would still walk in and gamble. My conscience would be to tell them of the rules, of the times when I could, I never did. I never questioned this question openly to anyone, and I swallowed my pride and virtues whenever I sat upon the counter, selling those tickets (Yes, I have often sat upon the counter as one of the ticket operators, selling tickets to people regardless that they are children, Muslim, or anyone that is not supposed to even try gambling at all.)

I started by having the distaste of selling tickets and encouraging people to gamble to just being annoyed receiving money by dirty-looking fellows. I still have the irritation of handling dirty money, and would go and wash my hands occasionally after handling the money, notable to my family members as well as other ticket operators. But the idea of encouraging people to gamble was suppressed strongly that I forgot about it until now. It was no more to me than praising shamelessly about how a customer looks in a clothing I sold, believe me, I had a hard time at first saying those words while I was working in The Store, now I can praise a girl with no shame at all, but I still refrain from doing so as I prefer to be truthful to myself. Therefore, do not assume that I am a man that is honest and truthful; I could be as flower-worded as that shithead could be in charming girls, and it’s just that I chose not to do so. I felt no shame in doing so because; I was helping my family business and earning my keep in the family. My sisters rarely bother helping out, and that made me the first option whenever my parents had an operator on-leave or need an extra hand.

Everybody used to think that I am some kind of deity, who upholds morals and always does the right thing. (Again, mentioned in my previous posts) Because of that, I would’ve never come across situations where I have to question the virtues in doing something against my moral standards. In fact, I am nothing special compared to all of you. I am a normal person facing challenges every day, questioning my actions and decisions when problems arise. It’s just happens when I usually chose to do something morally or logically than being a rash teenager that I got the nickname. I had times when I couldn’t afford to choose, I chose to be morally or logically correct whenever I could. I have gone against my virtues enough to appreciate the times when I can afford to do so. I am, so very common.

Do not get me wrong sister, I have no qualms about our family business. It has clothed, fed, transported, and sheltered me ever since I was born. If I were to deny it, I would be taking every single cell out of me and giving it back in order to do so. I have learned to accept it, and would carry it on if our family business needs an heir, regardless of my moral values. As Confucius quoted, merchants are crooked. A morally sound merchant would never be rich or successful. In order to be a good merchant, you must discard your moral values and resort to the worst possible actions in order to achieve your goal: Gaining profit. Business is war, and war is always dirty. I will be ready for it, if needed.

Back to the elections, where our countrymen have done us proud by showing a corrupt, arrogant, and inconsiderate government that Makkal Shakti, or people’s power is very much alive amongst us. A lot of people, especially my family, resent change as changes would affect my family business, especially if PAS or Pan-Islamic Organization of Malaysia takes power. Most of us know that one of the most prominent features of their ruling regimes is to close down gaming premises, upholding the Syariah laws in the state itself. With that, I risk putting my family business in jeopardy had I supported the opposition coalition. Which in fact, I did, and it turned out to be a marvelous result to our people. I had enough with the fact that I was treated as a 2nd-class citizen in the country that I was born and bred into, and given lesser preference, and being racially undermined by a group of people who apparently had no regard for our welfare, and oppresses us with no check in power. A lot of people often questioned the need to have an opposition when our country is so peaceful, stable and progressive. The image of the Opposition being an evil, selfish entity depicted by the government gave no quarter and made Malaysians think that voting for them is being in the wrong side of the equation. So much so that I even hated the Opposition when I was young and prayed hard that the ruling coalition won and it remained so, being so convinced of our country being that beautiful, little did I know that I was being corrupted and brainwashed as wanted by the government, together with the other children in the country. A lot of school students are being painted a pretty little picture that our country is a tolerant, progressive and fair nation where in fact, we have corrupt officials, racial tensions and double standards happening around us. Nobody has dared to speak out because we always believed that they were the only answer to our nation’s progress, probably also the fact that we have become so accustomed to the fact that they have rules us since the nation was formed? As well as being afraid of the time when we actually stood against them that blood had been spilled? We were controlled by so many factors that caused us to resent change, as change was an evil notion, and it serves no purpose at all.

Nevertheless, none of us realize that even if we didn’t opt for change, we would be doomed as well. The Islamnisation of our country has further caused religious rifts amongst the people. The concept of Islam Hadhari seemed to be noble, but the fact that cases of body-snatching, sexist remarks, and even civil cases like Lina Joy, had been irresponsibly judged by the Syariah court has shown that the Syariah judiciary system has increased power over matters, serving no advantage to the non-Muslims. Tell me, one way or another, we are heading towards the wrong way, and sooner or later, my family business would be closed as well. Islamnisation of the country does not profit my family at all, and yet we follow and hushed ourselves as our supposed representatives, MCA (Malaysian Chinese Association) and MIC (Malaysian Indian Congress), could only nod their heads to the orders of the Big Brother (UMNO), which is an open secret known to everyone, that our representatives are nothing but lapdogs waiting to feast on whatever leftovers handed down by the master, tell me, is there any use to have such a representation?

Honestly, I should be happy for no changes occurring at all. My uncle, Lem Cheng Sze, (yes, he is younger than me, but we’re related if u see the family tree his is of a elder position compared to me) has been annoyed of the claims of change in our country, as well as being upset of me circulating emails about the ugly things happening in our country. He even sent me one back and told me to consider both sides, not by only listening to claims of one side. I will use this opportunity to tell him back that I have seen the good and ugly of Malaysia and I know what is best for my country. No matter which side we choose, we don’t benefit much from it, due to the corrupt nature of our politics. One way or another, we end up with corrupt politicians, might as well keep the same ones so that we can keep an eye on them, right? My uncle has obviously benefitted from the fact that his uncle is none other than Datuk Seri Ong Kah Ting, Chairperson of the MCA. Which means yes, that I am distantly related to him as well, I couldn’t help but point out that his JPA scholarship to UIllinois something that his uncle would’ve helped him to achieve. I have never benefitted from him, and thankfully not because that would give me another reason to slap myself. Obviously he would in turn, support the lapdogs and eventually, I have no doubt that he would turn into one of them and I would see him standing in the stands and contesting as a candidate. I take full responsibility in pointing this out as this is my blog, and yes, you can read this and correct me as you see fit. If I am wrong, I will apologize profusely and correct this paragraph.

About the NEP, I agree that the Malays at that time were so poor that the social status has become a strain amongst races. Not to mention the shameless act of parading and saying those insulting words after elections by the opposition have ignited the anger of the poor, is something I feel ashamed and understand well of. However, I do not feel that going around chopping people off is justified at all. The policy has undermined the people long enough, and from what I see, it has only benefitted the UMNOputras and their cronies. Even if it has helped the Malays, it has been 40 years since its implementation, the only product that came out were lazy, dependent people that could not compete against the boundless world; I’ve even been told by somebody else that the Top Scorer of my year in SPM, who got 17A1s, actually failed her Oxford entrance exam. For a person that has scored almost twice the number of As that I have, she would’ve got over the test easily, but that happened. Look, I have no problem nor do I look down on any particular race. But examples like these do not make things look any better than it seems. I would be happy to welcome or admit defeat and respect anyone with caliber, regardless of his background. Honestly, I believe Malays do not like the idea of having described as people who walk with crotches. But for a group of people who claim to be sovereign on a soil that was not previously theirs, it has been more than enough for us being oppressed, let alone having to suffer the injustice of being treated as a 2nd class citizen in a country that we are born in. The fact is that we just as much Malaysian as you, and why should we bow to the fact that we are from across the sea? If anyone has a right to be called a Malaysian, we do. Not by the colour of the skin, but by how much we care about the nation. Enough of racial politics, we are idealists who look forward to a nation where tolerance amongst people is really happening, and enjoy peace, prosperity and freedom to speak out and choose. That is what I am fighting for and that is what I believe, someone who truly has the nation’s benefit at heart. I speak not for myself, nor my race, nor my religion; I speak as a person who wants my country to really prosper and cares about it.

That is my reason, sister. I wrote that much to explain myself and for everyone to hear out why I feel strongly about it. Even as we speak, the fact of having a PAS MB is very much likely is not a rosy outlook to my family. With my family business gone, I would be forced to leave my studies as I guess my family would be heavily burdened by what I have going on, and I might have to return and find work to ease it. But it has happened, and I have to pay the price of it.

Shame on me, yes. But shame on you, like other selfish Malaysians, for not looking forward enough.

I love my family, but I guess I have put my priorities wrong this time. Time may tell if I regret this. But I’m willing to take the chance, would you?

Mom, if you’re reading this post, please understand my stand.

Dad, I know this is stupid, but I wish we could work out a middle ground for this. I hoped only for the Opposition to deny BN 2/3s of the majority, but unfortunately we have something unexpected happening, and I wished we had something else instead. Then it would’ve made me or you feel better, right?

Sister, say what you want. I have considered long enough for this matter.

Cheryne, I’m sorry I was angry at you yesterday. I thought you sounded inconsiderate. I found out that it was the only comfort words one can say to this situation. I guess it’s just imagining you talking to me made things worse. I will try to solve that. Thank you for your concern.