Being insignificant to you, am I?

Today, I exercise my right of speech.

I shall talk about a particular person (Oh god this is an emo post, be warned if you wanted to read some random quirky stuff, this is not the post, you can go away and be entertained by other channels of entertainment) who just now said something shockingly disturbing that I have never heard in my entire life.

It happened when yesterday, I went to have my usual breakfast in a fast food outlet, (Not going to mention which one since that means I want to claim advertisment money, which I will not.) where standing in front of me in line was this person I knew for quite some time. I haven't met her in months and therefore I felt reluctant to tap her shoulder and act like what Terence likes to do, "Hey, mofo!" "Wazzap, pundex!!" something similiar, for a simple reason, I am not him.
Therefore I calmed myself because she didn't notice and well moved to the other line when there was space. After taking my order I had to wait, and somehow she saw me and I was obliged to give her a simple smile and a nod since I didn't want to be branded as rude, but I didn't walk over and said hi or anything, and took my meal and went to get a seat. I didn't see her after that since she didn't had hers in the restaurant and went out with a guy beside her, presumably her new partner.

I felt guilty for being rude at the first place, and well thought I would apologize and explain the 1st minute I could, therefore I sent a IM to explain to her about what happened.

What I got was quite surprising.

I said hello and she said what do you want.

I said I'm sorry about yesterday and I hope you didn't mind because I wasn't in a good state of mood to talk or anything since I had a test coming up later. I didn't mean to be rude or anything.
She replied and said it wasn't a huge concern, since I was a ?????????????? (Translation: A "friend" which is not much of a concern to her.)

I was stunned. Ouch.

Anyway before any of you start to jump to conclusions that I like this person and somehow this is a repeat of that bitch in KL, this is not. But the conclusion seems similiar.

They are of the same species.

I thought I would never meet another again, turns out they're in abundance.

We met Spring of 07 when I 1st came and enrolled into the program. As any male species would be concerned, we would start to catergorize the fairer sex and somehow gauge how we are going to survive in the enviroment given. I noticed her as she was of the better-looking ones amongst a horde of girls who looked like they jumped off the ship being smuggled from the Mainland. So as usual I kept an eye on her and made mental notes on she would behave, how is she like, etc. It is typical for me to gauge a person's behavior before I move on to the other phase. So please do not brand me as a stalker or a sexist as this is my way of not getting myself hurt or hurting anyone by talking or getting to know someone.

As days moved on, she did catch my attention with all sorts of situations like being late, dressed someone to get attention (loud colours, scantily, not always tasteful though) and her lack of female friends, unlike the normal typical girls to be moving in groups, I would see her walk with men and be surrounded by them, therefore my thoughts of this person would increase. But I didn't say too much and wasn't going to be able to be introduced to her as we are not of the same faculty or course. So I did, for a time, felt a certain enigma of this person and was attracted for a brief period.

Things ended when on the day when I saw one of my classmates holding her hand and walking around with it for six months. My 1st reaction was to walk into the toilet to catch a breath about this abrupt incident and with the fact that I was still nursing my wounds from my previous situation, this was nothing compared to the annoyance I felt earlier therefore things got cut off immediately, clean and swift. I accepted that it was not my piece of karma.

My thoughts drifted towards work and things piled more and more. It was during the final exams that something happened.

I was on the bus heading towards my 2nd last paper and I was going to be late. The bus, to my surprise, instead of turning right into North Terrace, went to Grenfell Street and I started to panic and wonder if I was on the wrong bus. Just at that moment I felt a tug on my waist, and she was standing behind me looking at me with the same question, I didn't notice her until then and made the response of getting off the next stop and tagged her along. I didn't thought about anything but the fact that she was my classmate, It is not in my nature be an ass like what people usually do. Therefore both of us started to run, drama-like to the hall and somehow it was of the oddest of occasions, we met.

We didn't talk much until the winter trip me, Terence, Jeremy and Wilson made. And Jeremy told me that she was there at the same place we were and somehow he invited her to join us on the tours we made, along with Terence's friends. Jeremy, being the cunning one, took a row for himself and slept, while Wilson was kept busy by Terence's friend, and who was also his senior in school. Therefore, I was stuck with her, again. So we sat on the same row, and had a trip together to Philip Island. How ironic. I AM NOT JOKING.

The trip was those exciting ones where you never knew what would happen like me jumping off the usual plank roads to take pictures of penguins which are actually illegal, and also the "Good Job" incident. It was actually my fault as I had a picture taken with her and the person who took it was nosy enough to ask where I was from and I told him where we were from and his response to me was "Good Job!!" wtf. Meaning he presumed us as a couple and went ahead leaving us embarassed. Later it became a joke for all my friends when someone is rumoured to be with someone we would go good job with them =.= I was never left alone with that.
Ok after that was on the trip one of our conversations were about her relationship, and she wasn't happy about it. Therefore being a person who was just getting over one, I went ahead and comforted and supported her since I know how bad one of these things are. So we eventually became good friends who shared personal problems and we would talk for hours on IM and have similiarities. It started to sound like I was going somewhere after all with this person, than my usual presumption.

Then one day Jeremy told me a huge news. He told me about the break up between them and I was the first person she went to for advise. Later on I spent a lot of time talking and giving her moral support and tried to convince her she wasn't that bad of a person to be dumped by him, and things do happen like that. She told me she even wanted to changefor the better and I stood by her side and gave her support. That was when not a lot of people were aware of the situation and most of them were gleefully pointing and jeering at her, since she wasn't popular with the female community.

By the end of the year we were occasional friends who would talk and say hi and it was going nowhere, unlike what my friends thought I would. It was during the trip that I realized that she wasn't the girl for me. As she was the type where I would frown upon, thinking that relationship is the only thing in her life. I felt a certain level of naivety and her typical nationalistic views bothered me a lot. She seemed like a bad fit, and I was prepared to shelve her to the friendship category when I started to see streaks of her bad personality.

She was nothing like the sweet, innocent (or at least looking like one) person that I first knew, she had a problem that spooked me, that was her tongue. Unlike me, I was sarcastic, and even though sometimes I would sound blunt and unforgiving, my actions will not be so and eventually what I do speaks louder than my words, as most of my friends would know. But hers, was a different level. She would say things without thinking and most of the things she says hurts you in a way that I have not felt before. It was really bad, like when I had to repeat a paper and I was sounding a little dejected and she went: " What the hell were you thinking." I used to presume that she was setting high standards for me and felt sorry for dissapointing that her. But it turns out she does this quite often and it became more and more intolerable. I stopped talking to her after some time.

As of today, we are moving further away from each other and she came back from China with a new companion who seemingly was willing to indulge in her needs and over-reliance. I wasn't going to respond like what I used to, since I have gotten over her. I still treated her as friend and I was willing to lend a hand if she needed one, I was still her friend, but uncalled for. So I had no hard feelings for her, but what she said to me today was unforgivable. That all I have done for the past few months have been shoved aside, and I was remembered for being a person who didn't greet her for breakfast.

I wonder if she asked herself who was there to lend her moral support when she was at her lowest ebb? I wonder if she ever remembered who never questioned her background and took her in without a single question about why she was different from other girls. I wonder if she remembered who didn't look at her differently when she told him she lost her virginity to her ex because she thought she could trust him? I wonder if she remembered who kept the secret tightly that nobody knew? I wonder, does she, with all her grace and might, remember who was a friend when she needed one, and does that person deserve what she dealt to him? All because of a change of status, does one person shove away those who once stood beside you, calling them insignificant?

One day, you will fall back into that pit that you once had, and at that moment in time, no one will be there to guide you out of it. Not even me I wouldn't. I've seen and known what you did to me today, and I will repay this when this arises. Do not blame me. I am being what you were, insignificant.