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Sunday, November 30, 2008

Of Topknots and Too Much Time to Spare...

Had been struggling to write posts since that accidental Backspace button that caused my script to just disappear.

Man I hate the Backspace button now.

Apparently the swimming activity we were supposed to do today was cancelled due to others nagging and complaining about sore bones. Therefore I will spend my weekend ironing out my clothes.

Believe me, that’s enough of a task for the whole weekend. I have so many crumpled, unattended shirts that I feel like I want to scream, just like my dust-filled floor, which I wonder which idiot forgot to return the vacuum cleaner to the storeroom?


A better question would be:
Who the hell wants to keep a vacuum cleaner in his/her room?

Saw Sarah, who was one of those who actually I had managed to be friends with when I just got here. Apparently she doesn’t remember me, so maybe I did change a lot (Maybe the amount of hair I had really made a difference). I’m surprised to see her back in the Lodge again since she moved out last year. She asked me some random question about the washing machine which was apparently new while I was doing my crazy ironing quest in the laundry room.

Tied my hair in a topknot today! I’ve always had a liking with topknots on girls. Makes their foreheads bright and better sight on how good their complexion is. However I did this because of the hair falling on my face as I was ironing clothes.

I tried with a ponytail but it was kind of irritating, especially having that little tuff that just tickles you again and again. I finally understood why my sister hates me breathing under her neck. Sorry sis!!



Besides that, I suddenly had the feeling on visiting Namewee’s blog. It’s been a long while since that Negarakuku song as well as his quest on doing a documentary while hiking all the way back.
To my surprise, he not only had one, but four or five new clips, depending on how you regard about the type they are. Remembering the controversies I read from the press a couple of days ago about his newest clip, I had to take a look.

The clip was about having his friend acting as a makeshift English teacher, giving each alphabet a letter as well as making a sentence out of each of them. He did several of them with the same situation, having the guy moaning as if he was in an intercourse, which probably was not, and it would seem horrible to do so. Most of the letters were rude, but amusing. And the point he tried to show was to complain about the state of education system in our country, and especially about the independent schools, where he came out from.

I have reminded my sister not to watch it with my mother around, lest it annoys her and having her make a big fuss out of it. My parents still believe in good values and my mother has been nothing but protective and conservative about pressing matters in this society. I managed to convince her about the change of government, but nothing else besides that.

I felt a tinge of shame when I was watching his videos. I wanted to comment in his blog but I felt it would be more polite, even more sensible to just blog about it and see how people react around me. Most of the responses in his blog were negative, and he has made a rebuttal video to those dissidents, I prefer not to be caught in the fire this time.

He was ranting about how the education system has affected the students in Malaysia and how badly managed its policies were. The inclusion of Science and Mathematics in English was a huge burden to the education system itself, as it was rectified during the 1970s with the introduction of the KBSR and KBSM to change most subjects to Malay to instill national unity. As most of the English educated teachers are already or were retired, most of the current teaching staff is ill-equipped to manage this major overhaul once more. Since 5 or more years after its instillation, the debate still rages on.

From blogs I’ve read all over the Net, I find some of the Malays are against it as it diminishes the role of the national language and somehow it is an infringement of the Constitution. They believe that learning the Colonialist’s language would destroy their culture and heritage, therefore it must be rejected outright to preserve their cultural identity. The Chinese were adamant that they were given the liberty to teach in Chinese as well, causing even further problems as things got pretty messy. But the government tried to soothe them by including bilingual exam texts so that they are allowed to adjust to their own pace.

However, for him, he was caught in the storm where things were just starting and his friend was unable to continue his studies due to the poor level of English they have. He couldn’t even find work as English became a main criteria in employment. Hence they were forced to “balik kampung” (returning to their own village in Malay). In frustration, he complained that the ministry was pulling their legs and caused their future in doubt. He also voiced anger at the fact that independent schools were allowed to continue on teaching and enrolling students, but also being denied of other education opportunities after graduation. He mentioned that going overseas should be based on the fact that one wants to see the world, and not because of being forced by the limited opportunities allowed by his homeland.

I agree to a certain extent. However, watching the videos made me feel uncomfortable and somehow reminding me of the troubles I had back in school.

As most of the people who read my blog know, I am not your typical Chinese-medium educated student.

I started to show a preference on English since my primary education (where my sister got entranced by British Pop, and with Spice Girls at their peak) and have scored well ever since then, my class teacher even claimed that I held on to my class standings based on the ridiculously high marks I score in exams for English, compared to my other subjects. Classmates started to brand me as an outsider and somehow being against the norms. They think I “betrayed” the Chinese by practicing the language of another race. I was not popular with my classmates, and somehow despised by many. But welcomed by those who are as fluent as I was, where those who were strangely sent to such schools even though their family is obviously English-educated.

Things never changed even after I reached Secondary education. I was still doing well in English and being famously quoted by my English teacher as a “walking dictionary”, while my sister showed lethargy and leaned towards Mandopop instead. I still remembered the day I went to my tuition class and got flamed by Connie who noticed I was ogling at her and somehow me looking rather childish and fat and ugly and you know, stupid? I immediately proved to the whole class who the real master was. I spent three whole years dominating the class in that subject and having a love-hate relationship with her. In fact she angered me so much that I worked hard in class and scored perfect As in PMR, though I admit was smitten by her and was disappointed at her arrogance. We lost touch after that and I still miss how someone could make me hate and yet like at the same time. But without English, I would’ve been nothing but a lowly creature in class. It made a difference on how others looked at me.

Then came the debates, the ELS, etc, etc. Where I spent most of my time attached to the language. The thing that annoyed me the most was people being fast to presume that I was Christian, or Catholic. Popular belief states that if you are good in English, you are bound to attend Churches on Sundays. I was annoyed at this statement and staunchly denied this allegation. I was proud to pronounce I was Buddhist and rejected many invitations by my other Christian or Catholic friends to attend activities or missionaries to churches. In fact, I had been invited so many times to convert that I was fed up at people trying to convert me. Unlike those who are in confusion with religion, I had none as I am not desperate for popularity, nor am I a believer in divinity. I had so many chances to convert, but I didn’t, as I was determined to prove to people that you do not need to be in that religion to be good in that language. I am quite upset with things like girls forcing their boyfriends to convert in order to retain their relationships as well as those problem articles we read in newspapers about religious differences in spouses. After what happened 3 years ago, I stopped believing in divinity would make a change in this world.

The change of English came to me during Form 6. I had plenty of practice in previous forms where Mr. Choo, my Chemistry teacher for Form 4 forced us to study Chemistry in English. He was a really good teacher, but I wasn’t going to excel in my Chemistry until the following year where I did well under another teacher. The change was tough, and everyone presumed I would have a breeze in it. In fact I wasn’t, by picking Physics as my core subject, I had made myself one of the toughest choices, and I was never good in mathematical analysis. Friends have persuaded me to reconsider and even my parents have been supportive of me doing Arts, but due to my ambition to be in one of the toughest branches in Engineering, I went ahead and hit a brick wall. It proved that although one is superior in terms of language, it takes real practice to really do well in it. Getting a Band 6 in MUET or Band 8 in IELTS didn’t make things easier, besides some wide-eyed astonishment of student counselors or those warm and friendly staff at the UK education fair.

But now, studying in an environment where English is the main medium of disseminating information, I felt grateful that I had 2 years prior to adjusting to the language beforehand. I had eased my way past the 1st semester here, though things have not been easy after that. But that was not due to the language barrier anymore, but the quality of education of our country instead. I am a supporter of the return of the science and mathematics in English, as I personally had felt the advantage after its implementation. My other friends who were not so lucky, had to struggle not to fall asleep and not getting Dr. Colin Kestell’s thick British accent, or Ian Brown’s low mumblings on Materials. I felt sorry for them and I understood their situation. Just that I felt annoyed at their insistence on speaking Chinese where things would’ve improved had they opened their mouth and made awkward remarks. I started like that as well, there is no shame in that. I would do that again if I were to learn another language.

Therefore, Namewee’s ranting is not insensitive or a cheek at coverage and scoring fame. It’s just his personal view where I know most of my stubborn, ultra-conservative friends would relate to. I’ve been called a “Banana”, a traitor, and some things that I myself wouldn’t have known due to my weird affiliation with another language. It would just be easy to just follow the crowd and just go with the flow, but it takes real character to not do so. I’m reaping the benefits now, despite the somehow mocking song by S.H.E about the Chinese language being increasingly popular. I can hear the smirks by the opposition and that would’ve been their theme song in any debate. I don’t hate my own language, just that I’m good in another. Being multilingual is something I am grateful to acquire, and I hope everybody in Malaysia can see this. Instead of waiting to be understood, why not learn the language and understand others? All the bickering and opposition is pointless if there is a point in doing so, and this is what I think the only thing I would agree with the government. So flamers beware.


I can understand you, Namewee. Though I must admire your creativity. We need people like you, those who can make a difference.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My Lost Wallet

Apparently I have this amazing ability.

The ability to make my wallet dissapear so abruptly that the owner does not even notice it until a certain length of time after its dissapearance.

This is not the 1st time it happened. This is in fact the third time this has happened since I came here.

Amazingly, with luck and honestly from the people around here, I've managed to recover previously my wallet unscathed TWICE. Which means, everything intact, all the money and documents inside. I was astounded and very very impressed with the high level of morality the people here have, despite the usual annoyances I came across from the locals where they binge to death on weekends, run around like nutcases and ask stupid questions. Though they seem to be lack of morality, they make up for honesty and sincerity. I don't hate you guys, I just am not used to the way of life here.

All I wish is that I hope for a third time lucky. But I think even being something from above, which I now highly doubt its existence, would be frustrated with this seemingly amazing "ability" I have come to inherit. My parents have pointed out the possibility of the dissaperance of my spouse in the future should I keep this thing up. Losing it a couple of times is bad enough, but for it to happen three times, this is unprecedented. Even friends have been chiding me and especially Terence, who I berated for being a bad DotA player, took this oppotunity to take a swipe back at me and said I deserved it.

To the extent that, I admit I am not a good person to take hold of any responsability. I should be ashamed, and yes, I should be more careful.

But honestly Terence, you've said too much and somehow the annoyance has been rather hard to bear. You reactions in the games today have shown you being unreceptive of the criticism which you, quite frankly proved to us yet again today.

If you want to shut us up and give you some respect, earn it. Stop feeding and making stupid mistakes. I think Jeremy says it all:" Look at that, another chapter of the Noob Supremacy. Chase-kill and yet getting creeped and killed."

Which in fact I would be happy to show some really unbelievable things really poor players do that makes this quote a rather harsh comment. Take note that if you don't understand some of the things, it's alright. But it seems quite straightforward and you can see why we enjoy this game so much.




Part 2 of it:



Courtesy of Pizzaslice111, the person responsible of patching all of these up. Catch his other works in You Tube. Put his name there on the search box and you'll get tons of other cool clips he's made about dotA.

Hell, I don't intend to insult you man, but I had my share of criticism and I've made up for it. You've seen me play today with vindication and I've proven myself. I let my performance do the talking.

Anyway thanks for the advice you gave me. I hope you'd bounce back.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Befuddled

I know I should be asleep by now. But I just felt like switching off my MSN and Facebook, etc, and think about what I should write since my hiatus for exams.

Things have not been happening too well for me. I screwed up both Materials and Dynamics. I know I don’t stand a chance with Dynamics since I barely did anything for that one. Apparently my weakness of being unable to draw vector diagrams would kill me as it did for Statics. I only realized this now.

Then again I must apologize to my parents about a few matters:

1. I have not been a good son. I have fought you all along the way by pushing myself and waste a year of funds doing something which quite frankly, hasn’t turned out so well. I do not intend to give up, but I must assure you things are getting hard. Either you pull me out now, or I shall go ahead and plod all the way through. Think in terms of monetary, if you guys are pushed. Be practical, I will understand.

2. I have failed to fulfill your hopes. I promised to work hard and yet I have failed to do so. I have nothing to say but to blame myself for still feeling sorry for myself and getting myself into situations that don’t benefit me at all. I have tried to change myself and start over but I see myself unable to move forward due to certain things in the past. Apparently it isn’t easy to let go and move on, and I have been hampered time and time again by people who quite frankly, don’t deserve to be worried about. I have been disappointed time and time again. It’s time to let bygones be bygones and just accept this bitterly. I have yet to swallow this bile with enough gusto. It would take time to take it in completely.

3. I have not shown proper respect and have been nothing but nuisance. Besides being opposing and lazy, I have also been wasteful. Indulging on matters that don’t matter at all. I deserve less than what I have. I have shown arrogance and ignorance to matters and have also disregarded advice. I have lied and have shown immaturity in dealing with my life. I have not let go of that matter completely and recent issues have affected my judgment as well as emotions which I admit would have affected exam morale.

In simple terms, this has been an expensive vacation.

I do not doubt the probability of coming back empty-handed. But I wish for better states where I would not have to bother with these matters. All I want is a degree which in turn would reflect me in a better light, and aid in my career. I wanted this to wipe away my past. I am annoyed by constant scorns and remarks about how simple things can be solved with a snap of a finger. It’s not so. Or in other words, I think I can use her words and say: “Please take some time to understand my situation.”

It is exactly disgusting to use her words, where I really do not understand the extent of her actions.

1. How can one just place faith into another person’s hand just because you cannot find solace in the shelter of one’s heart desires? By picking another, does that mean solace can be found as it surely can be with the other? Is fickle mind-ness an unchangeable trait of the female counterpart?

2. How can one admit they are both bitchy and slutty at the same time, yet not be responsible for their own actions? Does that mean claiming to be both of these words, one can be freed and not be blamed for performing such actions?

3. How can a person be so insensitive and yet ask for people to be sensitive to their own? Why must we give the benefit of a doubt to a person who has not shown any sincerity towards a long-lasting acquaintance? Why must this be one-sided, when public relations have always been between two parties?

4. Why must sincerity be scorned while falsehood and other intentions are tolerated? Why claim it is hard to reject one who has been barely liked, while one has swiftly denied the sincere advances of another? Why so easily done in the past and yet so hard in the future?

5. Why claim to be afraid to talk about the past and also said to be regretful of past cruelties done to the previous advances, and yet be cruel again? By being selfish, is one freed of all guilt?
Clearly all these are things that go on in my mind and will not return any satisfactory answers. Comments from her peers have shown immense shallowness and naivety that stems from the core of the fellowship. One claims to be oblivious to the fact that to be a slut, one has to be defined by all the actions of a slut to be termed so. By not acting to that extent, one can only be presumed to be not acting so, but to another more suitable term, which is unknown. One has not acted in random acts of intercourse and mingling with negative influences, how can one be termed so, especially when one still holds firmly onto their sanctity? In that case, how can be expected to be termed so? Self-claim is no claim.

Making such statements has been hurtful to me as much as the person on the receiving end, and yet if not done so, nobody ever shall. The intent of destroying and rebirth is to shatter the past obstacles and forge a new path towards progress, which will in turn be destroyed yet again for other progresses in time. To wield the flames of change, yet be doused by cold remarks has made the destruction a bare dent on the old ways. I have again been foiled and now feel that the light shall not emit from the end of this tunnel, while the destruction would only lead to my own demise.

My weariness takes toil upon myself. I shall retire and pray that the world has no mercy and strike swiftly on those who deserve retribution on their acts. Yet again, if justice is not served as before, then I have placed wronged faith on the balance of the world, and lived as a Man in vain.

I feel no regret on such remarks, as they are nothing but pure truth, and if the truth is hard to bear, then searing heat and swift judgment shall be the answer for thy ignorance.

I am now broken as a man with his sword shattered and unrepaired.

(PS: Updates after this, writing this is but a warm up for more posts.)