Y.U.I:You Under Influence

Life goes on

2009-10-22T21:31:00.004+10:30

I have a report and an assignment due tomorrow, and yet I decide to blog.

I should really start to prioritize my things. I've been sleeping after 3am for the past few days, struggling with my work. And I haven't done any revision!!!

Life sucks.

Yet life goes on.

I have made it a point to actually be a little smarter in planning my prac sessions next semester, no prac-cramming that will eventually cause me to struggle over the increasing workload. I want to do my own things, have some space to really enjoy my life, as well as step outside of the mundane world Engineering is starting to become.

I find that most engineers have the same problem. We are introverts.

I thought Aussies are supposed to be like super friendly and just go "BOOOYAAA!!!" when you walk across. However, all I see is just meek smiles or sour faces with eyes glued on the computer screen. Seriously, we're doing more work on computers than handwriting these days. It's no wonder most of us have a tendency to wear glasses. I find it rather hard to communicate with them actually, maybe that is because I'm in a group where they just don't speak much? I'm not sure. I hope to widen the scope even further, I'm planning a trip to Sydney and going for gliding next semester, which I really hope will materialize, since two of my friends will be in their final year next year. It's shocking to realize how fast time flies.

I wanted to tell you all that I'm starting to enjoy my life here, regardless of the pay-per-byte internet, the bizzare idea that cricket and aussie football is the craze here, and the horrible drunk locals who just don't know when to stop drinking. I thought I found my solace here months ago.

I was wrong.

Most of you knew what has happened. I shall not touch upon that subject, until I'm ready to.

I'm not going to lie that it has left a huge void in my life, and all the goodwill the city showered upon me just disintergrated. But, I was able to talk to Grace the other day and tell her: "I'm over you." All the pain that I had 3 years ago just dissipated. I'm relieved by it. I had finally let go of my past.

I've come to terms that somehow, God (even though I'm not a very religious person) has other plans for me rather than allowing me to shower my attention on another soul. It's been a topsy turvy year where I see drastic changes among my friends, one who was attached broke up, and patched up again; one moved house and now I get to spend time somewhere in the city while waiting for the next class; another who was just simply the last person you think would end up with someone, got attached and is having a real good time with someone he told me took a year to chase. I deleted someone out of my life, my oldest friend whom I cannot stand anymore. Not to mention the groups of new people I meet almost every month, I feel that my life has finally rooted itself here in Adelaide. I only pray that it gets better.

I myself, am still in square one.

I enjoyed the times we had. Meeting you has been the best thing I had all this year. I never regretted doing all those things for you, I wish it was a little better in terms of appreciation.

It's funny when I thought I've done alot, but eventually it meant nothing to someone. You'll feel gutted and wondered why was it that happened, till the extent, you forgot even my birthday. Speaks volumes on how much I meant to you.

But it's time to move on.

I'm not sure I can go back to where we were. At least I know I can't. I miss you, I still think about you, but it's getting lesser and lesser everyday. The whiff of your scent, the sweet smile on your face, the melodious voice, the warmth you generate, will always be in my mind, just like the memories with Grace.

Only that with Grace, it was a relief that it finally ended.

Waves of regrets I have now for us.

God, I pray to you to give me strength to face life with a smile.

I finally understood why Aussies love to say "No Worries"

Worrying is something I do all the time, and I can't help it.

No worries everyone. Good luck in exams! ^_^

Lastly, I want to share a song that I quite dig these days. It's called "Officially Missing You" by Tamia, rendition by Jayesslee. For those who read from Facebook, my URL is http://yuiyouunderinfluence.blogspot.com and the song can be found under my links.

2009-09-13T23:09:00.002+09:30

姐姐今天给我发了《69乐章》的专辑了。虽然是网站下载的，可是恨不得自己出点钱来支持陶师父。

听了《暗恋》自己觉得怎么这么巧，他竟然写了一首涌上自己的心头的歌。

果然是师父，了解了像我这样的人。

没想到，他又有另外一首扣人心弦的歌，叫做《你的歌》

写得很明显，是写给一个人的，很简单，很直接，也很温馨。

陶喆 - 你的歌

喜欢你冷淡的安静

笑容又胜过了太阳我只能投降

怀疑自己的冲动

怕机会一瞬间错过决定不再想

你说我们是两个世界的人但是否可能

我相信只要我爱你

什么都可以一切都可以

我爱你爱你没道理

没道理爱你爱你就可以

就是痴心的痴心的沉溺

沉溺在爱你就让我沉溺

无法理解你不说话

我进不到你心里面像有一道墙

怀疑当初的冲动

是不是开始就是错许多事没想

你说我们是两个世界的人已没有可能

我以为只要我爱你

什么都可以一切都可以

我爱你爱你没道理

没道理爱你爱你就可以

就是痴心的痴心的沉溺

沉溺在爱你就让我沉溺

或许不爱你也不需要你

我无法继续继续骗我自己

必须要放弃要放弃了你

你在我心底希望他比我爱你爱你

还是你的歌 still your song

有时候真的，自己就是一线之差，却踏不过去，停了下来，被逼回头。

甚至就算回头了，什么也没有了。

才知道，有时候留得青山在不怕没柴烧的意思。

也许不能在一起，做个朋友陪在身边也没那么糟糕。

现在陪不了了，不说话了，不见面了。才知道那些短短的时刻有多么的可贵。

能不能回到过去呢？

我现在想，却不觉得这样可不可能了。

有时候，拥有的一秒钟，也许够了吧。

倒比什么没有好。

好久不见了~

2009-09-05T12:21:00.004+09:30

To those reading under the RSS Feed to Facebook, the blog is here at http//:yuiyouunderinfluence.blogspot.com

今天，偶然遇到了一首很特别的歌，想跟大家分享。

这首歌是自己一直很崇拜的音乐人物，自己自认的是师父的陶喆陶师父的作品，叫做《暗恋》。

希望大家喜欢吧！！ ^_^

听了就会明白。

歌词如下：

Still lonely still loney

　　昨晚又再见到你你还是那么美丽

　　我紧张到话都不会说就傻傻看着你

　　渴望永远这距离就是和你在一起

　　醒来发现这一切都只是我的梦境

　　告诉自己要冷静却又无法不想你

　　我的懦弱已经开始让我讨厌我自己

　　是你对我有戒心还是我没有自信

　　可是谁也不能阻止我我要暗恋你

　　So lonely

　　So here I am standing all alone

　　在某个街头有个我在这里只为你等候

　　Here I am waiting just for you

　　开放我所有希望你能了解你能够接受

　　So lonely

　　今晚渴望再见你虽然只是在梦想

　　短暂的甜蜜也胜过了一辈子没有你

　　就算没快乐结局就算从此死了心

　　我要付出我所有诚意只要能感动你

　　我愿意

　　So lonely so here I am standing all alone

　　在某个街头有个我在这里只为你等候

　　Here I am waiting just for you

　　开放我所有我要为你怎么做你才接受我（才接受我）

　　我喜欢你（我喜欢你）我要你（我要你）

　　我爱你

　　So here I am standing all alone（standing all alone）

　　在某个街头有个我在这里只为你等候

　　So here I am waiting just for you

　　开放我所有希望你能了解你能够接受

　　I‘m lonely

　　故事就说到这里就算你们再好奇

　　我想说的都已说完了其余是秘密

　　在那某一个街头会流传某个旋律

　　那是我在轻轻唱着歌我多爱你着你

在这里想要谢谢Ah Kwah给我分享的一首很让人震撼的歌。

自己听了之后，身体不断的发抖。

突然呼吸困难了，眼眶含着泪，却哭不出来。

泪水，已经在很久很久以前为了一个不值得的人流过了，

却不能为一个自己认为是值得期待的一个人掉一滴。

这首歌，是我的心声，希望你听得到。

Food for Thought

2009-07-18T02:05:00.003+09:30

I sincerely apologize about the absence as well as the change in layout that caused several of the things I'm supposed to have to be gone from this blog. I'm still working on things based on the feedback from people, but somehow things recently have caused too much trauma for me to do so, maybe just today, I don't know. I'll rectify things as soon as I can.

No, I'm not dead.

It's just that even in the holidays, I find it hard to even do anything for the past three weeks. I had great hopes for it. But somehow nothing is working, and things just seem gloomier as it goes on.

Somehow it's like its a repeat of three years ago. When I made a fool out of myself over someone who isn't worth it. I argued and tried to see the good in her, wishing that she might even change for the better, willing to even accept whatever defects she had, and loved them all the same. How silly it was, because she was inconsistent, and would never have matched my expectations, she wasn't what I wanted, and I realized it last year and stopped caring after that. I promised myself I would wait and wait for someone worth my time.

I find it very amusing that people sometimes take me word for word, and that my words are more of a fact than a statement. But there are times that I would tell a white lie, and say it just for the fun of it. Sometimes I say it as a test of character, sometimes I say it because the timing isn't right at all.

I told myself I had to be patient if I had to go through this again, but saying it is hardly easier than done. While looking at the rows of online people on the right hand screen of my Messenger, I noticed that the people who I can actually seek solace from are hardly there. Maybe Bryan's right, I do lack people of that standard, maybe I am that unpopular, and my friends are hardly there for me, even I'm always behind them. But even if I do so, I mustn't automatically expect them to return my favour. Sometimes people just take you for granted. Just like this person did, probably.

It's not the 1st time I've been through this, but every time when a person does this to me, it's like taking a part of me away from me, and I feel less and less of a person I am previously. I became more and more skeptical towards people, always suspecting their motives and question their intent. Then the next person after this bears the brunt of my past, and it goes on and on, until I wonder how much more humane I would have left at the end of it. How much can I take? How long will that take to reach there?

Two weeks ago I was sitting in her apartment, returning from a trip to Woolies, and being served with wine-soaked glutinous rice balls, and some leftovers from her fridge. She kept apologizing for being such a bad host, but everything tasted wonderful all the same. We sat and played and talked all evening together and everything seemed wonderful and well. I was looking at someone I might consider, seriously.

A week later we were talking about Hahnndorf and it's delicacy and we somehow agreed that we might go to the Harvest Festival of Barossa Valley next year. I made plans and even made notes about what I should do or plan to keep things together in preperation for next semester, probably a step forward.

This week I hear chilliness of words, denials for affection, and sometimes silence.

All of this, in a matter of weeks. And I haven't even confessed.

Doesn't that sound familiar?

I do not blame her or anyone. I just noticed that this is always the case with me, from good friends to very close friends and then just when you thought that you might just step it up and make something out of it, it just snaps and you end up with nothing.

I find that today I lack the strength to even say anything. I was considering inviting her to Minarto or Murray River with the gang and somehow try to include her with a lot of things, but I just stopped from asking when she was busy with her enrolment. The idea of her being anxious to focus on studies just send cold ripples over my over-enthusiastic nature and I subdued myself into silence. I just don't know what to do anymore.

She probably has a different idea on how friends work and I probably misinterpreted her ways in a way I shouldn't have. Nothing I do pleases her anymore, I just felt the lack of encouragement rather sapping and my morale just went downhill. Now, even at the sight of having a chance, I just felt like backing off.

I know very well from the start, that I could and would sacrifice everything, and even once mentioned putting down her just to get through this semester. God sure knows how to work in mysterious ways, and I felt that I somehow exchanged something worth as much at the other for something that is equally important. I cannot complain, for if I didn't do well, she wouldn't even be considered. I know that now I can consider, but will she consider me?

I don't know you ever read this. But I just felt like saying, you are the light that shines through the gloom that casts over me. And having you further away is like taking away the very warmth that I only have at this cold and dry place. I miss everything we once had and I wish things weren't considered in such a complex manner. I always felt like I'm the only person who is trying to work things out, but I really wonder how much emphasis do you put on us as well? Do you even care or appreciate the things I once did? Or was it just a matter of convenience? I need to know, for I know that not knowing is just going to prolong my pain. Probably I should've said it when I had the chance. But I felt the fear of losing you too much to bear that I would rather wait and keep you as a friend than to have you avoid me. I care too much and think too much now to do anything, and I just hope that you could just let me know where and what we should do now, or I should just walk away and leave a part of me behind.

I know I won't be any kinder than I once was now. I hope you could prove me wrong.

M.U.I:Me Under Influence

2009-06-26T04:38:00.000+09:30

Friends.

I was never a person who believes in divinity. I believed that Man is his own Master and that religion is the most powerful psychological weapon the world has ever had. It binds people from all races and places into a single banner. A banner of God, and what I may say is sacrilegious, nonetheless, that is how I feel.

Today I felt the need for divinity to be with me, to give me strength to overcome things that have and will come my way. I wish it was true, and I noticed the need to have a greater power over me.

I felt the need too, to have someone beside me, to be with me even the last second I exist. Because normally, I feel lonely in this world that I exist in. I noticed the need to have company, the need to coexist.

The need, to have friends.

I felt thankful today that one of my oldest friends came back to me at the moment that I needed someone the most today, and gave me the courage to stand against the tide. I felt that my walls are about to crumble under the anguish and sorrow of not being able to change what is there, and he saved me from it. For that, I thank you.

I do not feel comfortable about telling this, but I have been debating online for the past 3 months with another person who deemed himself worthy to discuss the nation’s policies. He fashioned himself a blog and made several comments which were in a way, twisted in my point of view about the country as a whole. He glorified the oppressors, and sneered at the fighters. He brushed aside dissenters, and welcomed supporters. All was well, until I came.

I came and gave him a piece of my mind (hint noted for the title of his blog, for I do not wish to be linked to his from mine). I fashioned an anonymous name and fought in the dark. I exulted in the battles we fought in which I have successfully defended my case against his and made him somehow curious who this person was. Even to the extent of branding those who support the opposition are only able to defame, intimidate and affirm the writer of his writings. I myself apprehended a few of them for calling him what I myself hated the most, a pendatang (which means an immigrant). Those who were on my side hit back at me, calling me names, I was hurt. But I refused to back down. And took the middle road and focused on debating solid facts with the writer. I was happy when he started to respond in a kinder manner, and was willing to listen to my feedbacks. Until today.

He came in a whirl and slammed me for disagreeing with every single thing he wrote. I cannot blame him, as we have a contrasting view on how the nation should be run. And he went on to attack the very fundamentals of my points, that race-based politics should be abolished in order to truly realize 1Malaysia. He argued that it is unlikely to do so and it is very relevant and I should just accept it. He went on to accuse me of spinning the facts which I have shown him and he has branded me an Opposition supporter, which I am as they champion my ideals, but I may choose again as they do not. I was hurt when he tried to brand me as the very fanatical members he had labeled who had hurt me as well. I felt that I was attacked not because my points were poor, but I was not agreeing to him.

For that I do not know what more I could do save ignore him, but I replied to him and you may read them, if he dares to publish it. He has deleted some of it before, and I have made the cbox beside it my outlet. I fear he may remove that as well.

But somehow I didn’t know about that until my friend told me about it as I was discussing about the blog I read. And I never felt tired than before.

I’m so tired of politics that I wish it didn’t exist. I wish I could just run away and let my country rot and fall into ruin. I wish I was really an immigrant who could just walk away and laugh at it when it falls. But I couldn’t. We are sons and daughters of the land as well, what makes them have more rights than us over it? Shouldn’t everyone be entitled to equal rights? Isn’t that form of oppression they conceived a form of Apartheid as well?

Then again I question myself. I remember Lelouch vi Brittania of Code Geass, which surprisingly as an anime gave me an inquisition over my views. His father Charles is a leader of a nation that is based upon the Social Darwinism. To kill or be killed, to compete, to survive and only the survival of the fittest shall be fit to rule. Lelouch questions the tradition in which his sister Nunnally is one of those who won’t survive the onslaught should it happen to her, and that why aren’t the weak be sheltered as well? But, the Holy Brittanian Empire was successful due to this concept, and those who were ruthless and strong ruled well. While its competitors, like the E.U. were weak as they exercised democracy and the people only obey the popular view. This makes me wonder that is the country headed the right way? That the survival of the fittest is the way to rule? It certainly is in the animal kingdom. Should we adhere ourselves to compete and overwhelm each other, regardless of the strong and the weak so that we are able to succeed?

Then again, Lelouch fought against such ideals and sacrificed himself in order to create a world in which his sister would be able to survive in. Along the way he betrayed everyone, even his sister at the end in order to focus all hate towards him and with his death, all hatred would vanish and the world could rebuild itself. I wish it was that easy in life.

Same as something happened to me several weeks ago over a friend of mine. I made a simple remark in which happened to involve his girlfriend and the remark somehow annoyed him. Immediately as a response he harassed me in one of the applications as well as called me a person that no one likes to talk to, that I have no friends. All because of a girl, he was willing to forego a friendship over hard times.

Then again I question myself, do I really have that few friends? How many of them are actually my friends rather than ‘friends’? This happened to me months ago when another girl out of a sudden called me an insignificant friend. I started to ask myself whether I have problems in which people are not willing to really befriend me? Do I seem problematic as Bryan claims me to be? Does anyone secretly hate me and want nothing more than destroy me if offered the chance to do so?

If having friends is that hard of a thing, then what about love? I have just recently found out that one of my friends actually liked me two years ago and I didn’t notice that from her. But nothing’s going to happen since she has since moved on and attached herself. I never said I didn’t considered her, but at the period of time I was badly hurt by another person I thought had great potential and looked like a missing part of me. I felt sorry now that the girl who liked me had to listen to hours of me telling how hurt I was by another girl while she harboured feelings for me. Doesn’t that feel familiar on my side? I didn’t like it, how would she? I felt that I have done more wrongs than right, and if that is so, can I be truly considered right?

Unlike what my other friends who claim that I was a self-righteous person. I often question myself over the things I’ve done. I was inspired by Barack Obama whom against all odds became what may be the most inspiring person I have ever seen in real life, as we speak. He had shown me that change is possible within every one of us and it is our choice to decide whether we wanted the change, or not. I was inspired by his speeches, the way he approached conflicting issues between the Middle East and the West, birth control and abortion, peace and war. He showed me that if there is a will, there is a way. But I am far from him, as he is a Law Graduate from Harvard University, while I am struggling over a repeat semester at a programme which has not confirmed my place at the university yet. He is the POTUS (President of the United States) while I am a 21 year old who has nothing but trouble all over his hands and yet seeks out more trouble by stirring the hornet’s nest full of BN supporters.

My friend told me that what I wrote was equivalent to his lecturers in university, and we have an Obama within each of us, that we can make a difference, and change the world, no matter who we are. I thank him for this. For without those words, tonight would’ve been a long night for me. I pray hard that tomorrow a better day arrives in which the world slowly but surely moves in a path where our efforts do not go in vain.

I pray that I will be there to see it.

I wish those who said those words to me could’ve taken it back. I value my friends so much that I try not to have so many so that I can take care of each and every one of them. I weep for those who have left me, for I have not without effort tried to keep them with me.

I pray that the writer would see fault in his words and debate in a civil way rather than the manner he does today. I know I cannot please everyone in this world, but I try to please most of us.

I pray that God, take what may be taken from me, and grant me a future. I am an ambitious man, and I want to leave a name in the annals of history before the end. If not, I have failed my life.

I thank you again, Windmaster Hiroaki for you support. You have been my stauch defender, my critic and my companion for 14 years. I wish there is more for us.

Swot Vac

2009-06-05T22:31:00.006+09:30

Short Comment:

Swot Vac (Study Without Teaching Vacation) is one week away. Means exams is close. Must work harder.

This is a matter of life and death. I must pass every single subject. No prisoners. No mercy.

Wish me luck everyone. ^_^

Until then, I better do something annoying just to keep the edge off. :p

TEN HOWS:

How did you get one of your scars?

*Looks at own face* Being impatient with acne, itchy hands.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

My 1st real Birthday Party at Kbox(Not the one in Ipoh lah) We sang until 3am, half drunk.

How are you feeling at this moment?

Cold. Warm now since the heater is on. Having severe nose blockage due to the weather.

How did your night go last night?

What was last night...erm...waiting for nothing to happen.

How did you do in high school?

How did I do? I was regarded as a living deity in school. Need I say more? I was also quite well-known among teachers, active as a Librarian, STCL Lab Assistant, STELS Secretary, Debater, Choir Club Discipline Master, Taekwondo Club Member, Magazine Editorial Board Member, etc. I sound like a very very pompous piece of @$$

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?

Cheap sale at Jay Jays. Keeps me warm.

How much money did you spend last month?

1k. Overspent on trips to Hahndorf and Barossa.

How old do you want to be when you get married?

Not concerned. When the time is right, with the right person, right place.

How old will you be at your next birthday?

22. Coming very soon.

NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?

Limbu Rock :p

What did you do last weekend?

Nothing! No la, did assignments, watched E.U. and chatted online.

What is the most important part of your life?

Friends and Family, and my studies.

What would you rather be doing?

Playing Diablo 3, Empire: Total War or Learning haute cuisine from top chefs.

What did you last cry over?
Getting insulted for trying to debate with people who fail to understand the need to be courteous with the opposition. Being rude just proves them right that we argue with no substance.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?

Huge cup of Coffee, Rainy day and slow music like FF7's Cloud Smiles. Alternatively, a smile and a hug from someone who I like and likes me too.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?

Compatability. I'm really concerned about matching or at least a certain level of matching personalities or else things won't work at all.

What are you worried about?

Worried about the coming exams. It's a do or die thing, and I don't think I'd make the cut.

What did you have for breakfast?

A Whopper value meal at Hungry Jacks.

EIGHT HAVE YOUS:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Yes. But I would never ever think of breaking them up.

Have you ever had your heartbroken?

Yes. By someone who now haunts me all over the place.

Have you ever been out of the country?

I'm out of the country now. =.=

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?

Yes. Every other day. But none as dumb as pining for someone who isn't worth it at all.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?

Yes. But I've forgiven him, it's not worth it to hate someone forever. Just be careful and not to trust him/her with anything.

Have you ever had sex on the beach?

No. But I'd love to, on a deserted one.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?

No.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?

Yes. I do it all the time. But not now. I wish I had the time.

SEVEN WHOS:

Who was the last person you saw?

The sick weirdo in my hostel. I personally am disgusted with him with his weird actions. Wished he would just move out.

Who was the last person you texted?

I can't remember, it was Ferlis or Mike.

Who was the last person you hungout with?

Wilson, Jeremy, Alex and Chong. We had dinner at Ming's.

Who was the last person to call you?

Ferlis =.=

Who did you last hug?

My pillow :p

Who is the last person who texted you?

Again, Ferlis or Mike.

Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?

Haha! Someone. Serious. Not.Going.To.Tell :p In a joking/serious way.

SIX WHERES:

Where do your best friends live?

Malaysia. Though some of them are scattered from the country.

Where did you last go?

Ming's restaurant for dinner. Wished I had steamboat.

Where did you last hang out?

Mike's place, Unilodge. Watching him play Ping Pong.

Where do you go to school?

My University lah!

Where is your favorite place to be?

Currently? Maths Learning Service at Level 1 Schulz Building. Apparently 3 hours there is equivalent to the whole weekend doing assignments.

Where did you sleep last night?

My bed lah.

FIVE DOS/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?

Yes. So Not.Going.To.Tell.

Do you think anyone likes you?

Not too sure. I suspect, but I always overreact to things.

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Yes. I am really impressed with Barack Obama now. He's a man I look up to right now.

Do you know the muffin man?

Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. I know a Muffy the Mufflehead though.

Does the future scare you?

Yes. I'm fighting for it in a matter of weeks.

FOUR WHYS:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?

They accept me for who I am, and not what I have. We agree to disagree, and we enjoy each other's company.

Why did you get a myspace?

I had an account. I failed to use it.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?

Ok, not many people know about this. They think it was a practical joke. Goh is my surname, so nothing can be done there. Kwok is because of my father's side where all my male cousins share the same 1st name as mine, just like my Dad's siblings with his. Yui is because my mom brought me to someone called Mak Seng Loong (something like that) who made an analysis and decided the supposed name I should have is not beneficial to me and gave me another one, which is a seemingly feminine name. It was not until long before I realized the name was used more on girls than guys. FML

Why are you doing this survey?

Curious. I do things at the spur of a moment. Probably procrasinating from algebra as well.

THREE IFS:

If you could have one super power what would it be?

Tissue regeneration. Similiar to Wolverine's as I hate injuring myself and longevity.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

Yes. Either stop me from picking my acne, or learn how to play the piano.

If you were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?

A Lamp with a Genie that would grant me 3 wishes.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you out?

No. Maybe I would just to get back at her.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?

Good reason to do so. I've always been curious how I would look bald.

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy now?

Nope. I'll be happy once I know I passed my exams.

Remeniscience

2009-05-26T13:14:00.002+09:30

Side note: I'm writing this in the midst of an overdue assignment. The algebra is killing me. Someone tell me that conics is the hardest part of this subject. I can't bear to face another crazier thing than that!

I'm trying to compile a post on Amalfi's soon. But not any time soon.

I wanted to type this in Chinese because I felt it was more appropriate with the theme. But the lab computers are in English, dang.

They say, that autumn is a time for reminiscience. I guess it's hard not to be reminded of the old times whenever you see browning leaves fall from the trees, depicting that time has passed and things die and regrow as Spring thaws the chillness of Winterl I used to think I was an autumn person. But I found Spring more pleasant and cooling and cheerful, minus the rain. Yesterday night, a peculiar dream came to me and I felt it was so true that I had a hard time waking up.

I imagined myself back in Form 6, and somehow in charge of small booklet regarding my class, the life in Form 6 as a whole. In the team with me were my monitor Andrew, Jia-Ee, myself and her. That was what I imagined. Now, I know I'm not supposed to mention her again, but she came to my mind yesterday night. I was living my past once again.

I had faint views of what I did, but I remember she begged me to help her resize the articles she posted, and all I did was to give reasons and rejected helping her and told her not to rely on me. There was no Wei Li, no unpleasant people in my class, I was being cold to her like what I'm used to do now. She seemed resiggned and somehow mentioned that is what I am right now to her.

I also recalled having a lot to do with adding details, and even recall someone in my class writing about her regrets: "Not to be naive and give yourself to someone blindly" I guess some people know who I was mentioning it was a black page with a heart and those words. Simple but I remember stopping at the moment after compiling it with Andrew. Saying that we have more to do and that what we did today was good progress. Then, I woke up, tired.

Pondering all my way to class, I felt an urge to call someone and talk to them about my dream, but the more I thought about how preposterous it was, the more reluctant I wanted to call anyone. I recall swearing to Terence if I ever think about her again, he could punch me. I guess I'm nothing more than him thinking about his cheating girlfriend. What right do I have to lecture him of who should and shouldn't he like?

She still haunts me, but I have no feelings for her, not anymore. Instead, the immidiate response I had was to think about people who cared about me, I wish they were here now. Someone I had called every time I had problems with her. But that person is too far away now, with a boyfriend, a tough course, and my phone bills have warned me to show restraint. Not even my most avid reader, was around on MSN or FB to talk to. Where are you?

Then I thought about another person. Someone new in my life. We knew each other for more than a year now, and I've observed her for a very very long time. We always kept in touch whenever we can and we seemed to click on naturally. I would always be the person teasing her and trying to make her pissed, while I giggle in glee as she looked adorable with that pouting face. We shared a lot of things, I think I know more of her than her most avid suitors.

She always complains to me about how irritating those people around her who are now aware that she has just gone single, and have made great lengths to pursue her hand. One even waited for her two hours past midnight just to give her her birthday present, he would even come frequently to her apartment and try to accompany her, but she thinks it's unnerving and giving her a headaches. When she told him she wanted him to stay away from her for a month. He immidiately set an alarm "1/31" for himself, I think it's "4/31" now. It creeps her.

Deja vu? Somebody used to have such problems.

On the other hand, I only brought her to Cocolat just because she mentioned she would love to have a cake and a candle on top of it for her 21st birthday. (I was like hey, you're 21, it's a big eal right?) It's been a long time since I have gone great lengths to do something nice to someone.

From what I sound, I have a fondness for her. I do not deny this. There were times we talk as if we are in the gray zone and one second I would snap her out of it and tell her to dream on as if I would want her. it would piss her off and once she even called to yell at me for fooling around with her and demanded answers. I just kept pushing and pushing her away, knowing that on the other hand, it was the other way inside. She seemed right sometimes, she seemed not right sometimes. I don't know, I'm confused.

She's from a different country, a different culture, and a different background. I don't really find that hard but I recall my mother being somehow objective to her countrymen, calling them cheats and swindlers and I have great doubts how keen my mom would be having the prospect of me being with her. I know I shouldn't, I shouldn't even write this since it isn't constructive and good for myself as a whole, especially now my priority is my studies, and nothing but my studies. Thus another problem roots itself out and I find myself having more commitments than I thought I have. But Mom, please understand, if I don't get this out of my system, I never would and in turn it affects my studies. It's like extracting pus out of a pimple.

I sound like its a one-sided affair like I used to have. But I wondered why she has this strong notion of always trying to please me. I once mentioned that she dresses to shabbily. Remember the Cocolat issue? She changed massively and looked more in style than she used to, and demanded if I was pleased with how she looked now. (Actually I said, hmm, not too bad. As always, she flipped mad :p) She would also always complain why I have a bad outlook on her, as she thinks she is a very very nice companion. Then I would criticize her again and again until she throws a tauntrum and sigh, another round of comforting occurs. It has always been like that for the past one year, in the midst of her being with another person, and while she was recuperating from the break-up.

Two weeks ago, she came over and made me help her with her assignment on writing. It was very embarassing since my friend was around and I was dotA-ing with him. She would then sit beside me and wave her hand, distract me as much as she could, well causing us to lose. I would then help her with everything until she was happy enough to leave me alone, and sitting beside me the whole afternoon. I think it was hard not to presume anything that afternoon, as our plays became live and my friend had a full view on how I talked to her, he even quipped during dinner how suspicious we look, while I had to buy him dinner to shut him up. Sigh. He did mention we complement each other well though, and our conversations were amusing. Hahaha. Not a good sign.

What does it have to do with my dream? Last night was once where we talked short and she was busy with her work. She sounded mysterious and busy and didn't say much with everything we used to talk about. I went to bed early unsatied, feeling on the other side of where I was. The dream came as if to remind me where I was before, and how far I've come after 3 years of getting up. Is it worth it to go into it once more, in the midst of a critical moment? Even if I did, would it be welcomed? Or would it cause more trouble as before like all her past relationships where the men fell badly and somehow, it made her look bad. But that is all my excessive opinions, which is not fair to her at all.

I guess I have to leave it to her that she will have a month to deal with her stalking admirer and leave it to me to really make it through, maybe then, I might reconsider my situation.

Till then, I am at a standout.

Now, I really feel like doing my Algebra, die Conics sections!!

Being insignificant to you, am I?

2009-05-08T23:43:00.003+09:30

Today, I exercise my right of speech.

I shall talk about a particular person (Oh god this is an emo post, be warned if you wanted to read some random quirky stuff, this is not the post, you can go away and be entertained by other channels of entertainment) who just now said something shockingly disturbing that I have never heard in my entire life.

It happened when yesterday, I went to have my usual breakfast in a fast food outlet, (Not going to mention which one since that means I want to claim advertisment money, which I will not.) where standing in front of me in line was this person I knew for quite some time. I haven't met her in months and therefore I felt reluctant to tap her shoulder and act like what Terence likes to do, "Hey, mofo!" "Wazzap, pundex!!" something similiar, for a simple reason, I am not him.
Therefore I calmed myself because she didn't notice and well moved to the other line when there was space. After taking my order I had to wait, and somehow she saw me and I was obliged to give her a simple smile and a nod since I didn't want to be branded as rude, but I didn't walk over and said hi or anything, and took my meal and went to get a seat. I didn't see her after that since she didn't had hers in the restaurant and went out with a guy beside her, presumably her new partner.

I felt guilty for being rude at the first place, and well thought I would apologize and explain the 1st minute I could, therefore I sent a IM to explain to her about what happened.

What I got was quite surprising.

I said hello and she said what do you want.

I said I'm sorry about yesterday and I hope you didn't mind because I wasn't in a good state of mood to talk or anything since I had a test coming up later. I didn't mean to be rude or anything.
She replied and said it wasn't a huge concern, since I was a ?????????????? (Translation: A "friend" which is not much of a concern to her.)

I was stunned. Ouch.

Anyway before any of you start to jump to conclusions that I like this person and somehow this is a repeat of that bitch in KL, this is not. But the conclusion seems similiar.

They are of the same species.

I thought I would never meet another again, turns out they're in abundance.

We met Spring of 07 when I 1st came and enrolled into the program. As any male species would be concerned, we would start to catergorize the fairer sex and somehow gauge how we are going to survive in the enviroment given. I noticed her as she was of the better-looking ones amongst a horde of girls who looked like they jumped off the ship being smuggled from the Mainland. So as usual I kept an eye on her and made mental notes on she would behave, how is she like, etc. It is typical for me to gauge a person's behavior before I move on to the other phase. So please do not brand me as a stalker or a sexist as this is my way of not getting myself hurt or hurting anyone by talking or getting to know someone.

As days moved on, she did catch my attention with all sorts of situations like being late, dressed someone to get attention (loud colours, scantily, not always tasteful though) and her lack of female friends, unlike the normal typical girls to be moving in groups, I would see her walk with men and be surrounded by them, therefore my thoughts of this person would increase. But I didn't say too much and wasn't going to be able to be introduced to her as we are not of the same faculty or course. So I did, for a time, felt a certain enigma of this person and was attracted for a brief period.

Things ended when on the day when I saw one of my classmates holding her hand and walking around with it for six months. My 1st reaction was to walk into the toilet to catch a breath about this abrupt incident and with the fact that I was still nursing my wounds from my previous situation, this was nothing compared to the annoyance I felt earlier therefore things got cut off immediately, clean and swift. I accepted that it was not my piece of karma.

My thoughts drifted towards work and things piled more and more. It was during the final exams that something happened.

I was on the bus heading towards my 2nd last paper and I was going to be late. The bus, to my surprise, instead of turning right into North Terrace, went to Grenfell Street and I started to panic and wonder if I was on the wrong bus. Just at that moment I felt a tug on my waist, and she was standing behind me looking at me with the same question, I didn't notice her until then and made the response of getting off the next stop and tagged her along. I didn't thought about anything but the fact that she was my classmate, It is not in my nature be an ass like what people usually do. Therefore both of us started to run, drama-like to the hall and somehow it was of the oddest of occasions, we met.

We didn't talk much until the winter trip me, Terence, Jeremy and Wilson made. And Jeremy told me that she was there at the same place we were and somehow he invited her to join us on the tours we made, along with Terence's friends. Jeremy, being the cunning one, took a row for himself and slept, while Wilson was kept busy by Terence's friend, and who was also his senior in school. Therefore, I was stuck with her, again. So we sat on the same row, and had a trip together to Philip Island. How ironic. I AM NOT JOKING.

The trip was those exciting ones where you never knew what would happen like me jumping off the usual plank roads to take pictures of penguins which are actually illegal, and also the "Good Job" incident. It was actually my fault as I had a picture taken with her and the person who took it was nosy enough to ask where I was from and I told him where we were from and his response to me was "Good Job!!" wtf. Meaning he presumed us as a couple and went ahead leaving us embarassed. Later it became a joke for all my friends when someone is rumoured to be with someone we would go good job with them =.= I was never left alone with that.
Ok after that was on the trip one of our conversations were about her relationship, and she wasn't happy about it. Therefore being a person who was just getting over one, I went ahead and comforted and supported her since I know how bad one of these things are. So we eventually became good friends who shared personal problems and we would talk for hours on IM and have similiarities. It started to sound like I was going somewhere after all with this person, than my usual presumption.

Then one day Jeremy told me a huge news. He told me about the break up between them and I was the first person she went to for advise. Later on I spent a lot of time talking and giving her moral support and tried to convince her she wasn't that bad of a person to be dumped by him, and things do happen like that. She told me she even wanted to changefor the better and I stood by her side and gave her support. That was when not a lot of people were aware of the situation and most of them were gleefully pointing and jeering at her, since she wasn't popular with the female community.

By the end of the year we were occasional friends who would talk and say hi and it was going nowhere, unlike what my friends thought I would. It was during the trip that I realized that she wasn't the girl for me. As she was the type where I would frown upon, thinking that relationship is the only thing in her life. I felt a certain level of naivety and her typical nationalistic views bothered me a lot. She seemed like a bad fit, and I was prepared to shelve her to the friendship category when I started to see streaks of her bad personality.

She was nothing like the sweet, innocent (or at least looking like one) person that I first knew, she had a problem that spooked me, that was her tongue. Unlike me, I was sarcastic, and even though sometimes I would sound blunt and unforgiving, my actions will not be so and eventually what I do speaks louder than my words, as most of my friends would know. But hers, was a different level. She would say things without thinking and most of the things she says hurts you in a way that I have not felt before. It was really bad, like when I had to repeat a paper and I was sounding a little dejected and she went: " What the hell were you thinking." I used to presume that she was setting high standards for me and felt sorry for dissapointing that her. But it turns out she does this quite often and it became more and more intolerable. I stopped talking to her after some time.

As of today, we are moving further away from each other and she came back from China with a new companion who seemingly was willing to indulge in her needs and over-reliance. I wasn't going to respond like what I used to, since I have gotten over her. I still treated her as friend and I was willing to lend a hand if she needed one, I was still her friend, but uncalled for. So I had no hard feelings for her, but what she said to me today was unforgivable. That all I have done for the past few months have been shoved aside, and I was remembered for being a person who didn't greet her for breakfast.

I wonder if she asked herself who was there to lend her moral support when she was at her lowest ebb? I wonder if she ever remembered who never questioned her background and took her in without a single question about why she was different from other girls. I wonder if she remembered who didn't look at her differently when she told him she lost her virginity to her ex because she thought she could trust him? I wonder if she remembered who kept the secret tightly that nobody knew? I wonder, does she, with all her grace and might, remember who was a friend when she needed one, and does that person deserve what she dealt to him? All because of a change of status, does one person shove away those who once stood beside you, calling them insignificant?

One day, you will fall back into that pit that you once had, and at that moment in time, no one will be there to guide you out of it. Not even me I wouldn't. I've seen and known what you did to me today, and I will repay this when this arises. Do not blame me. I am being what you were, insignificant.

In Dedication...

2009-04-26T18:26:00.006+09:30

Today I shall do something out of the ordinary.

Today, I shall blog about something in my possession for about 4 years. And, I'm about to let it go.

This.

I met it on my trip to Taiwan and I hoped that it would bring me luck and fortune since I have had a torrid time in the previous year. This is it. My Jade Pi Xiu, or you can pronounce it as 貔貅 in Chinese. And the details here.

But just to clarify it in a simple manner (for lazy people who dun like to click to other links because their farking fingers kenot press another click wtf) instead of being branded for having such occult items, this is a short explaination:

"In Chinese Feng Shui, a Pi Xiu is a mythical animal which is depicted with the head of a dragon and a dog or lion's body often with hoofs, little wings and a tail. The Pi Xiu is a loyal guardian that is frequently seen guarding the tombs of emperors or on the roofs of important buildings. It is believed a Pi Xiu absorbs evil and as it has no anus the evil cannot escape and infect the place it protects. It also absorbs wealth from all directions and signifies money coming in without going out which is why they are often depicted with a full belly standing on a bed of Chinese coins. A Pi Xiu is also believed to attract short-term wealth, as in a lottery win or a cash bonus so is very auspicious in Feng Shui terms. "

Technically, it is an animal with no anus. That somehow does not allow it to leak any wealth away. According to the experts, it also absorbs all the owner's bad luck and dissipates it out in a good scent (I never smelt it so I dunno). And the longer you wear it, the more it shapes to the master's form. If you noticed, it has flecks of white in the Jade when I bought it, it was jet black.

Nah see no anus de...

It was to my attention I needed it because I lacked the water element, which then would affect my studies and also my aquaintence with people, as many of you might recall, everything wasn't doing well, I acquired it so that I could get myself out of the mess. It doesn't mean everyone must wear a dark coloured one, my sister has one in white and yellow Jade and it looks grand with its shape looking more like a real animal instead of mine that looks like it was all in a piece. I didn't complain and accepted it with all my heart. Even though it was small, the workmanship was impressive, it was etched and designed in detail.

Now since this is an auspicious jade and item to keep, why throw it away?

The problem is this.

Chipped on the leg = Bad Luck

I dropped it and it has a chip on the left front leg. Which is a bad thing, according to my sister who just came back from Taiwan.

She went there and met with the person who sold it to her the last time and the 1st response the person had with it was to wrap it up and threw it away. Hers too, had one of the front legs broken but I'm not sure for what reason it was. She didn't even get to say goodbye with it!!

And she wasn't alone, there was the guide who had the same problems with her 3 legged one and she has had torrid encounters since then with complaints from her previous groups. My sister couldn't get a proper, care-free job even as we speak and has fell out of favour with her friends. Mine, need I to say? I just got over a bitch who couldn't care less how the people who cared about her the most were those who criticized her the most.

All this while, while it didn't actually take away my bad luck. It did bring me loads of good friends, friends that some I still keep in touch and appreciate a lot. I did become more sociable and even though I did miserably in STPM, I managed to go somewhere to do something I wanted to do. I'm not sure who to give credit to, but I know I wouldn't have done a lot alone, and that belief it gave me.

I have been reluctant to throw it away for years since it got chipped and I felt bad to waste my parents money just like that. But somehow I remembered something my grandmother had with the jade bracelet that snapped when she fell once, it left her unscathered. She told me she had it for years, and it saved her life. She had another one that just got snapped recently and I guess it saved her as well.

Fancy thinking mine just saved my ass as well. Pun intended. Since it has none :p

I tried taking pictures of it and the camera just simply fails to do so. How I wish I had a SLR camera for that.

Therefore my webcam came to the rescue!! Woohoo I love you Dell!! XD

Close up view

Eh not prepared wtf

Front did you see the teeth?

Nah teeth again grrr...
Side....Another side wtf...

I shall dedicate this post to my Pi Xiu, may you rest in peace and I cannot thank you enough for the services you rendered for the past 4 years. I shall regret having to part with you here, but I shall remember you for as long as I can remember and I promise you, your sacrifice will not be in vain.

Now I feel naked again, I wonder what happens after it leaves me. Nonetheless, I've lived 18years without it, I guess it wouldn't be that bad.

I know I'm that sentimental, I just wouldn't let things go. I kept a pencil that was at the end of the tip and I just wouldn't throw it but then I lost my pencilbox and it was gone wtf. That explains why I couldn't give this up so easily, let alone someone.

I'll miss you!! T.T

(PS: Surface for the Pi Xiu was a Casio 570 which I haven't used for ages. Then again he doesn't leave!! Grr!!)

Stepping out of the Box

2009-04-24T16:03:00.003+09:30

I'm sitting across a room where a huge bunch of girls from China are engaged in a loud conversation about everything from their families, lives, activities done during the semster break, down to the every single detail. Nothing seemed wrong except that is what I see all across the University.

Malaysians stick to Malaysians, everybody sticks to their own group of countrymen. Well maybe not, once in a while you'll see a mixture of people together and for one moment you might even think that there's hope for having diveristy when you hear them speaking native English. That is when you realize they're born and bred here as well. Enough said.

It feels werd having them around today. Unlike the few days before when it was just me and Michael in the room with rows of computer and leaving us with plenty of chances to focuse on what we're supposed to do. Not that we did a lot, since people would love to come over and mindlessly challenge me into something I have played for the past 5 years. Therefore a massacre ensued and I have to put on my pity face at them while I was yawning away when I was playing with them. Their problem? The same as every newbie has. Lack of experience, lack of skill ,and lacking the correct mentality. The latter seemed the worst to me.

I sometimes felt obliged to guide these people to the right path, when I should be really happy to steamroll them time and time again until they quit eventually, OR, study. Then again I have self-doubts of reaching over the Great Wall of China. The social wall, the wall that denies them the ability to reach out to others and talk to them and befriend them. They just to seem to just stick to their own people, thus causing even poorer command of the language, and even poorer understanding of the others.

The fact is, they never left their country at all. They didn't allow themselves to forget who they were, where they are, and are tied up with the notion that they must stick together. I even had someone I knew immediately dissing off the food pictures I've taken in Barossa without even wanting to experience it for even once. Is it that hard to even step out of the box for once?

I'm not saying that is wrong. I do this too. But once in a while I reach out to some stranger and talk to them and get to know another new soul. Just this mid-term, I had two wonderful days with new people outside my normal circle and that changed everything in me. I sincerely wanted to thank John, XiOng, Amanda and especially Michele for giving me the opportunity to love life once again. I then understood that you can't have too many friends, but it's the quality you have that makes you realize how important they are.

Mid-term is officially over. Two more months and I will be able to see where I am. For once, I wanted to stay.

Urban dictionary

2009-03-20T14:10:00.004+10:30

I just finished my class and I have nothing to do but to check on updates on Facebook and my Webmail and my blog and anything just to keep my eyes from squinting (I was rushing for Maths this morning and the one thing that I couldn't find was my spec, it was when I put my contacts on I found it. I was already 10 minutes late. FML)

Anyway the new contacts felt way better than the previous one, though the consistence of the liquid that it is submerged with felt suspiciously like s***n. But no, it's not white. So rest assured (yeah rite as if I would put it on if it were s***n, duh.)

So I went on my usual blog-hopping and came across Audrey's new post it made me curious to find out my name on urbandictionary after interesting definitions of Timothy and Audrey :p

I was suspecting some awful references but to my surprise:

The definition of Phillip:

1. He is the reason I wake up in the morning and the air beneath my wings. Yeah you wish you were that guy.
Example: Phillip is the shit.

248 Up, 94 Down (I guess some people are just jealous)

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH YEAH ;)

Then here is another

2. Greek God of s*x; known for his amazing looks and long endurance.
Example: He's been going at it as long as Phillip!

OMG OMG OMG

ANDDDDD.......

My all time favourite.

3. Known as the coolest kid in the world to males, and an absolute stud who has the best body around to females. The name Phillip is replaceable with GOD.

Example:
Matt: Phillip, your the man!
Random girl 1: OMG YOU ARE SO HOTT! Can I have some of your nuts!?!?!?!
Phillip: Uhh, sure? *hands her a can of peanuts*

I guess it can't be denied. I am a GOD. :p

Oh so I went and explored more :p

Derrin:
1. action; performance; execution.

Example: How yew be derrin? (Awwww.....)

Jeremy:
1.A named based on the biblical name Jeremiah. Used as a name for children who are blessed with a large brain and/or pen*s. Also used as a replacement for "perfect".
Example: We had a child and it had a very large p**is so we named it Jeremy.

OR

2. A guy who is smart and has a big p***s
Example: Dang, I wish I was like that Jeremy over there.

OR

3. A type of bra strap.
Example: my chest is held up by Jeremy. (And his nick in dotA is Bra Bra :p)

Terence:

1. One whom dresses in ladies gowns and enjoys slapstick violence. Often cuddly and fluffy.
Example: "Steve is a right Terence"

2. An extremely attractive gentleman, usually irish with black hair and blue eyes and is packing serious heat.Residing in NYC. Often incredibly rude, selfish, narcissistic, and tasteless. A synonym for jerk or a**hole.
Example: I'm gonna break up with my boyfriend and b**e me some Terence. That guy was such a freakin Terence!

3. A Terence is a slang word for a man who likes ladies things. Used by the popular "Terence the Transvestite Teddy"
Example: You are a right Terence in that hat Bob.

Go on, have a try and see how you perform!!

Cream Crackers Kuih...anyone?

2009-03-14T22:14:00.004+10:30

Ever since I went back I had this urge to do something with my leftover Cream Crackers that was in my room ever since my flight back to Malaysia.

I’ve procrastinated time and time again, probably because I was hoping I could find a better day to do so rather than just do it and have nobody try it and end up alone with a whole batch.
Eventually last weekend I was alone and I had the liberty to shop around and bought several necessities including the main ingredients to make Cream Cracker Kuih, or CC kuih for simplicity. Never heard of it?

Who would imagine this could be something else than it was?

Not surprising, because this is my grandmother’s signature dish. She made it sometimes because there was an excess of Cream Crackers that nobody wanted and made it into a brand new dish that would fool us into eating. I have craved for it ever since I came back and made a decision to learn it by hook or by crook.

It started when I called her and asked her how to make it. After I got the recipe, I had a practice run with my mom back in Malaysia and found it was rather bland, with the kuih itself flat because I didn’t put enough baking soda into it.

I took into account of the two problems I had with it and made improvements with it. It was this afternoon that I decided it was a good time to try it out, as well as share it with the others.
The ingredients are as follows:

22pcs of Ping Pong Cream Crackers

5 Eggs

7 Tablespoons of sugar (I used 8 as the previous one was bland)

150g of Planta/Butter

1 teaspoon of baking soda (I used 1 ½ , abit more is always better)

And 3-4 tablespoons of milk (Not compulsory, just to make it moist)

Firstly, smash the pieces of Cream Crackers into particles,

No, this isn't smashed enough, try harder!!

When I mean smash them, yes that means you can imagine your worst enemy and literally quash them into little particles of dust. A little strength is always good as this is a very tedious process. A mortar and pestle is a good idea, if you have one. But in this case I didn’t, therefore I took longer than expected to do so, the purpose of this well as you guessed, is because this is the theme of the dish, and I’m actually replacing flour with biscuits. Therefore flour is not needed and it still works as the biscuit itself is made out of flour. Get my point?

I’ve thought about using other cookies, but let’s try it next time, or you may do so and tell me the results.

While Chong and the others were trapped in their world of Left 4 Dead, where they found being the Zombies were more satisfying than being the survivors getting hunted. Sadistic bunch, aren’t they?

Left 4 Dead is a new rave in our gang and Wilson has been screaming all day long while playing it. It happened last night when I went to his house and I could hear him screaming from the outside of the house. That shouldn’t go well with his neighbours I guess, and the prospect of food after two hours of zombie-killing of Boomers, Hunters, Smokers, Witches and Tanks would be quite low.

However, I went on and went on to the next part of the recipe, which was to mix the sugar with the butter. As I couldn’t find Planta here, butter would be a good replacement.

Hmm...this is weird....

The process is as equally long as the smashing, but even worse, I never understood the reason to do so. One was solid and the other was a piece of oily substance in solid form, so after the test run I found it to be the binding agent to this dish and the longer you whisk it to make it expand and dissolve the sugar, as I forgot hydrocarbons are organic solvents as well. I didn’t have a hand mixer, or a proper whisk, so it was spoon action all the way, my hands are tired after that, not to mention oily.

Then everything was simple, add the rest in, as well as the crushed Cream Crackers and mix it rather thoroughly, and baste the pan with butter when you’re about to use for steaming as you don’t want an hour of scraping the surface of the pan after that.

Don’t worry about the surface of the mixture, it will eventually go smooth as the baking soda will make it expand and it will force the surface to change.

After that, steam it for 15-20 minutes over a water bath.

After that, voila!

Cut it diagonally so that it does look like a kuih, and best serve it piping hot. The kuih should be easily removed and you’ll be happy with the end of the leftover biscuits you have that you though you couldn’t finish!

Jeng, jeng , jeng!! Now, comes the most important part of the whole thing: Tasting

I took a slice and out of the pan and served it to my potential victims as if I was hunting them on Left4Dead.

However, the reception wasn’t as good as I predicted. Michael took a bite and said it was not too bad. Chong had two slices and said it reminded him of his mother’s colleague’s sponge cake.

Wilson said it looked like Ma Lai Gou but after tasting it said it was too oily to his liking.

Jeremy didn’t even want to have a slice at all. I might assume that his belief that his household’s brand of Chinese New Year cookies and confectionery is the best and he would not try anything else would also apply to my CC kuih. I’m not mad at them, but I would’ve expected something more after an hour of forceful labour of love. To cooking I mean.

To me it was as good as mom would make it. It was fluffy, it wasn’t too sweet and it was consistent with the original piece, or as my taste buds would think. I was pretty happy with the outcome, but very, very disappointed with the reviews. Somehow I fell gutted and it doused any motivation to keep making things to share with people. Probably it was a good indication that I never should’ve treaded the food industry, no matter how much I loved it.

P.S: Ooh! Time flies. MU vs Liverpoo (“L” purposely removed as I do think they’re shit anyway). Go go go MU ftw!!

P.P.S: The rest of the CC Kuih is still with me...looks like my premonition came true...

IKEA mannequins....

2009-02-28T02:14:00.004+10:30

I came across this in IKEA...

1st it wasn't anything strange being a whole row of mannequins and it seemed that everybody loved to have fun putting weird poses on them...but this...

This is too far....

Alex made it even worse by adding another member, so now instead of a threesome, we have an extra. =.=

Seriously IKEA needs to be more alert about this...what if a kid goes across and sees it and asks his parents: "Hey Dad, why is the doll looking at the other dolls ****?"

I bet the Dad would be saying: (Panicks)" Oh no son, that's just him trying to help his other friend's zipper." "Come along now.."

While other older kids snicker at the embarassment this parent has...

I'm perfectly cool with it, but what about others? :p

Don't even get me started about Chong's suggestion of having male and female mannequins, seriously the story gets even twisted there...>.<

One Word

2009-02-22T00:53:00.002+10:30

I’ve been getting tagged by tons of memes that I lost count of those I needed to do.
In fact the one I hated most is about the 25 random things. I think I got tagged by that 1st…
The problem is that I can’t be random….. I just think before I write…T.T
Ok la gimme time ok?? Therefore I’ve come across a meme that I wasn’t tagged and saw that it was much easier to manage than the random one…so I want to do this one 1st…
Be noted, my blog is also linked to Facebook so probably most of the people would’ve read this there too. Beware those who get tagged. Muahahaha…

USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. Be sure to tag the person you received it from!

1. Where is your cell phone? -Closeby

2. Your significant other? -Single

3. Your hair? -Buzzed

4. Your mother? -Facebook-ing

5. Your father? -Selection-ing

6. Your favorite place? -Ipoh

7. Your dream last night? -Wonky

8. Favorite drink? -Solo!

9. Your dream/goal? -Win!

10. What room you are in? -Hallway

11. Your hobby? -Thinking

12. Your fear? -Death

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? -NASA

14. Where were you last night? –Wilson’s

15. Something that you aren't? -Pompous

16. Muffins? -Erm…

17. Wish list item? -Grades

18. Where you grew up? -Eepooohhhh

19. Last thing you did? -Bathing

20. What are you wearing? -PJs

21. Your TV? -Nada

22. Your pet(s)? -Jesse!

23. Friends? -Fun

24. Your life? -Sienzzzz

25. Your mood? -Upbeat

26. Missing someone? -Several

27. Car? -Kancil

28. Something you're not wearing? -Underwear

29. Your favorite store? -1U

30. Your favorite color? -Blue

33. When is the last time you laughed? -Today

34. Last time you cried? -Monday

35. Who will resend this? -Tagged

36. One place that I go to over and over? -Wilson’s

37. One person who emails me regularly? -Victor Kwah

There! That should keep the hungry wolves happy for a while. ^_^

Don't Play with Weddings, it'll turn out true! ;p

2009-02-10T03:46:00.005+10:30

Since I've been writing the previous post, I felt the urge to write more.

Told you so. Writer's Block? B**ls**t.

Hesitation. Was the problem. I have too many things to blog about. I just can't make myself write.

I feel even more gutted when my Iphone reformatted itself, and some of the pics that I didn't save were lost. Sorry Frank, Adrianus and Scott.

I just came back from watching The Wedding Game which was starred by Fann Wong and Christopher Lee. They even brought Clares Chan, or 黑人, from Taiwan to feature as a supporting actor.

At first I was quite hesitant about watching it, mainly because it was a Singapore film, from my experience it was not going to be as impressive as the other New Year flicks, therefore my expectations were quite low because of that.

But I was surprised, I actually enjoyed it.

The story started about a celebrity couple who had different motives in their life and set up a relationship to reach their goals. Vikki, who was played by Fann Wong, was this Malacca-born actress who has family problems as her dad faced financial difficulties with their family business. In order to relieve the stress of the financial burden, she chose to involve herself in a agreement to be in a 'relationship' with another top actor, Jack played by Christopher Lee. Jack himself was caught in a scandal with another woman who sneaked into his changing room and got caught performing coitus by a hidden camera. Both of their managers, Tom, by Clares, and May, by Alice Lau reached a mutual interest with their clients plight and planned this scam up.

The actual problem starts when Jack was supposed to propose to Vikki at the awards show and go through a wedding, and seperating after six months being together. However, the point of the wedding was to rake in the sponsorship and media attraction which was vital for Jack, who needed good publicity and Vikki, who needed the cash. Both of them, however, secretly hated each other and arguements ensued once they were away from the spotlight, causing hillarious antics all over the place.

They met several problems along the way towards their wedding. But with the resourcefulness of their managers, they managed to slog through with series of amusing countermeasures, including acting a scene to mislead the audience when they received reports from a fanatical supporter of Vikki who was obviously envious about the 'union' and sought to sabotage then by taping their private arguements behind the stage. They also had to move in together in Jack's house and perform intimate displays at the window in Jack's room for the papparazzi's to take, giving them move convictions to 'legitimize' their relationship.

But as the story goes, they both got to know each other and understood each other's needs and desires. They even made the journey back to Vikki's hometown in Malacca where they met her father and the whole neighbourhood. And a scene where different races, or shall I say typical Cuti-cuti Malaysia scenes popped out showing racial unity, and them dancing amongst and eventually kissing due to public demand. It was at that point, they found that it was no longer an 'agreement' any longer.

At that point, all hell broke loose as the plot thickens and the agreement was exposed by her fanatical fan, no thanks to Tom's homosexuality. The media stormed at them and demanded answers and an apology, but Jack went speechless and left Vikki to fend against the media alone.

Jack felt guilty about it and sought to redeem himself. As he searches for him he eventually assumed Vikki would run away and return to her hometown, which with the help of the neighbourhood he managed to chase down her bus and somehow got her to stop by meeting an accident along the way, which was a funny scene played by Saiful Apek and Christopher Lee.

The ending. Not surprising, eh? All's well ends well. That's all I'm going to say.

The music wasn't that attractive until I watched the movie. It felt compatible with the atmosphere. And I made myself stand in their shoes all the way through the movie, asking myself what I would've done in their shoes, and understood why they did this. It was acceptable, and the series of events logical. Though I must say the party at Malacca was a show. There might be certain communities who would do so but seriously, in Malaysia, that is virtually impossible in our daily lives.

However, it made me think about the marketability of this movie. Clearly it was tailor-made for the SEA audiences. I felt connected with the story and I could relate to and understand their antiques, like the part where Saiful Apek went on and scolded Jack about his relationship with Vikki in Malay. I was soooo amused and yet worried, if I could make my overseas friends enjoy this show as well. Clearly this is one movie I would really like to share with them. Most of them don't even know how our live goes. They think we swing on trees. XD (Sorry that was a comment from Min Min to Wilson, wait a minute, MinMin's a Penangite la...swt)

But seriously if anyone asks me what I think would be the best show to let those Chinese and HongKees appreciate our culture, this is it. For the time being. I really hope to see more collaborations and quality movies like these come out in the future. We have the potential, we need to stay focused and go for it, and not just treat it like any other movie we have in the past. That I believe so.

Btw, that sums up my review of The Wedding Game, as usual, long-winded. But it tell you that I enjoyed it. Congrats Ekachai Uekrongtham, you won me over.

(PS: For those of you who think the state government was unjustly taken over, wear black tomorrow to show your regret over the death of democracy in Perak!)

One more week...

2009-02-10T03:36:00.002+10:30

I haven't been a responsible blogger.

I have tried time and time again to write, but unfortunately I just can't.

Seems like a writer's block, no?

I don't think so. I just feel...

Empty

I appreciate the things people tell me and especially from my family, who has been nothing but supportive. This trip back has been like a recharge to me. It rekindles the flame to work and strive harder. Therefore, I believe I have the need to come back every single year, regardless on how the system goes. Even for a week, I would come back to my homeland.

Things haven't been idle to me. 9 weeks away from my studies, but everyday is filled with different surprises.

By next week, my flight will be taking me back to where my future will be. But deep down, I feel gutted to leave, no matter how long they give me.

I miss the vineyards there, but I miss my mom's garden even more.

I miss Subway there, but I miss the Yin Yeong Baked Bread here even more.

I miss those friendly people there who treat you as an equal, but I miss my family and friends even more.

I miss my dog, Jesse, the most.

Happy times are short, don't waste it away. I'll be sure to take note of that next year.

Nothing's stopping me going back next year. It's a must.

Enough

2009-01-10T04:31:00.002+10:30

January 10th 2009.

This marks the 1st time entry of a new chapter.

I wish to make this a permanent reminder, therefore I will make this clear to myself:

1. I will not look into the past, instead look towards the future and how it is going to shape things around us. Nothing in this world is stagnant for too long.

2. I will understand the limits of my powers and realize that with my current influence nothing seismic can shift the balance, until i develop the wings to do so, I will bear the brunt. I can complain, but I cannot change it, yet.

3. I will swallow all the guilt and see to it that this is the best it goes. I have flunked 3 years of my life, it should stop now. Not for the sake of not helping others fail utterly, but not giving myself more frustrations in the future.

4. I will stand my stead and hold on towards the bitter end. Drudgery is what makes miracles come true. Without the sheer force of willpower, nothing would've been done. I must hold on and make it through.

5. I have to take charge of my life. Bragging rights have to be earned. Right now I have nothing, I should start earning my spurs now.

6. Destruction of others is futile, gives no advantage, no leverage. Living better than others is the best way you can repay their spite.

7.Stop talking and do more. It takes action to make things come true.

8. Stop thinking and do more. Thinking helps judgement, too much thinking wastes time.

I guess that's all I can remember now.

I will remove every piece of scrap of her from my memory, leaving nothing. Finito.

I only require a small request from all my friends who read this: Remind me time to time. I may forget, and I hope I will move on from this point. 6 years ago I made a turnpoint in my life, I can do it again.

Life is too precious to be wasted so. But I have better things to look after.

W-H-O-R-E

2009-01-06T04:09:00.003+10:30

The one thing I hate most about myself, besides my fugly face and seemingly un-vanish-able spare tyres around my waist, is my ability to predict accurately about things that I don’t want to.

I think most of my friends can relate to me saying some things that somehow turn out to be exactly the case. Yiyang even once tried to cash in on my premonitions by asking me what I would think about the soccer teams he should bet on for that week. Unfortunately I couldn’t predict them, and he eventually gave up on it. But still, about the bad stuff, I could just always manage to get them, each and every time.

In this case, I once loudly predicted about her and that piece of junk being a short-term affair that wouldn’t last a single moment longer than a year. In that case it didn’t, and well it wasn’t a happy thing. But it still happened, but it wasn’t to any of my advantage, as I was doing what everybody was doing, not giving a shit about what she’s going through, as she is only desperate for attention, the whore.

You see, I knew this was coming, but I never thought she would just lose it that easily. I guess my words did made an impact on her, I wanted the adverse effect of telling her off to get laid (PS: I was the anon in the post, I admit it.)and in this case, she got herself laid anyway with someone she didn’t want at all.

With all the things she’s done, I had expected that she would’ve given it all out already. I was somehow wrong at first and I wished I was. I was told, that she would never give herself up to anyone but her spouse, well that was her pathetic and naïve thinking then. It did make an impression on me that she was determined and principled, and that she was not as sleazy as what people say about her. I was wrong, totally wrong. I wished and wished that I she would at least keep her promise and at least give me a small reason to cheer about her. Oh well, she’s done a Britney.

I guess conceiving wouldn’t be far away. I should get prepared about wedding cards showing up my doors as well as seeing baby pictures soon.

Like I said, it’s nothing surprising to see a whore finally acting like a whore.
I wanted to feel the tinge of sadness or melancholy about the past, but none came. Instead little streaks of anguish and disappointment came at what I thought was a lament of a lost soul. I badly wanted someone to talk to right now and at least tell me what I’ve done wrong to save someone from falling down the pit? I don’t want her, I just want to let myself be at peace and at least do not let me see her fall from grace. But now it’s too late, can you blame me mom, for trying to help my sister? I don’t wish to see her treading the same road as her. I want to at least,
make a difference to those around me.

I guess I wasn’t as open as I thought I was.

I have tears welling up my eyes. But no tears will come out from this cold heart of mine. I knew this was coming. The manner and timing was what surprised me.
I don’t want to listen to “it’s not worth it” comments. I have better time to do than get myself even more upset with words like that. She could’ve been worth it, she wasted herself away.

I am a failure, yet again. At this moment, lonliness sweeps in. Where are you, friend?

=.=

2008-12-21T03:04:00.003+10:30

Something is wrong with blogspot right now.

I just couldn't make the post right!! All those bold things down there is freaking me out!

I just can't stand an imperfect post!

Anyway I'm going to sleep and coming back 2ml to fix it. *Fingers crossed*

Came across an interesting question, is this blog boring? You want more pictures? Any brand new ideas? I need some feedback. Thanks ^_^

Tagged!

2008-12-20T21:32:00.004+10:30

1. How old are you?

The ripe old age of 21, and like everyone knows I love to say this: “Can go to jail adi!!”

2. Are you single?

Yes and sadly so, why do I seem that pitiful? I love being single! Unlike my dear Terence who is attached, and not like Jeremy who has to webcam with his girl every night to Penang. However beneath all the freedom you’ll feel somehow empty, especially when you have couples making out all around you and you have nothing but your naughty mind and hands to satisfy your carnal pleasures…*hint hint* It would be nice if someone can help you with that for a change.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?

Well technically not anytime soon, so be at rest you anxious peeps as if I would hold a sudden wedding like Vivian and that HK-playboy (whom I’ve heard is a total jackass, but wahay, since when have we seen a good girl not fall for a piece of wreck? I seriously believe I should be a wreck so that I can get a hot one too.). Though if I’ve found what I want I can get married right away. But then there’s always going to be something that’s better ahead of you, so it’s best to sit around and have a look. Not in a rush now.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?

*Looks around me* Is there any? However that doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone that’s suitable, I know one or two who certainly look like good-wife material. But unfortunately they’re either attached or not interested in relationships right now, as well as being frequently at loggerheads with the opposite sex isn’t going to impress them any more than going up to them and saying: “How you’re doing?”

5. If not, who do you want to marry?

Under the state of unconsciousness, which means that I will not be responsible for anything I’ve said, it would probably still be someone like Alexis Bledel, or that cute blogger somebody likes to say I like. Hint hint hint*, or just anyone that makes me a better person than I was. (Maybe a hybrid of Masami Nagasawa or Maki Hirokita would also be a great option) This is too complicated, so I’ll just marry someone that seems right for me. It’s all about instinct. You would be surprised with my choice when that time comes.

Alexis Bledel, in case those of you who do not remember her from my epic SS post.

Obvious, need me to say more?

Obvious as well, Maki Horikita

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?

No preference at the moment. But I do imagine myself riding a horse to a huge cathedral like those I’ve seen in Prague or St. Petersburg in ceremonial suit of armor and blade with hymns all around me. Sounds pompous, I know. But it’s not practical, anything but the Chinese one where you would go with a procession band and carry the wife back and drink tea. That is going to be both time-consuming and cruel to my knees. But then again that’s the one that gets the most goodies, so we’ll have to balance that out.

7. Your ideal motif?

White. All the normal colours you'd want in a wedding. Nothing stupid like a pink suit or a red tux. Nothing gaudy, unless it's a suit of armor, which I will then shamlessly clad on with all the honour and making all the other grooms follow suit. Bet they'll thank me for it. Then again a Japanese wedding is cool as well, I've seen a few of them and I like how it feels. Tearing up a kimono later that night would be something fun as well. *Giggles*

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?

Europe. Depends on the time we have. No stupid-follow-the-tour-activities where there’s going to be uncle and aunties about and children that scream and shout. That is not a good way to kick start a wedding. Anything from Italy to Greece, or even Turkey, with plenty of seaside around the Mediterranean and history to soak in, and probably some romance. *grins* (Not anywhere on the railway track though, not like what Timothy once said…)

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?

You don’t have to guess. Almost everyone, well but not everyone. Not him, not her, and well all the arseholes in Form 6 nor those nosy aunties or anyone from my father’s side (they’ll just come with a miniscule amount of angpow, horde the food and run-off anyway) That would probably be about 60-80? I don’t know what my spouse would be bringing.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?

No preference. Extravagant when it’s necessary. Unless well like I’m on the run or our family objects to the union then a simple one in Las Vegas isn’t that bad. I think the wedding in Pirates of the Carribean 3: At World’s End between Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan was romantic as well.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
If you’ve watched American Wedding, you’ll understand the meaning about vows. I wouldn’t mind doing it due to my language superiority. *ngek ngek ngek*

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?

I don’t care. A cake is a cake. Nothing cheap, must be good to eat, that’s all I’m asking.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?

I don’t know. This is not something I’ve considered. I would really like it to be somewhere else outside of a hotel. Hotels have these gaudy ballrooms that just ruins the atmosphere and those event management teams just don’t cut it, for now. Practicality vs. Fantasy, this is something to consider later.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?

The morning, as that nice cathedral would look grand under the morning sun. But then I will have problems waking up, but then I won’t been able to sleep that night. Sigh.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?

Either. A good scenery would best be suited for outdoors, while convenience would demand indoor settings. Logically an indoor.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?

A suit of armor, hymns, escort of knights…if that’s not grand then I’ll do a charge at the door. But then that would be disrespectful to the cathedral…

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding??

At the moment I would really like Cloud Smiles played in FF7: AC as that song. And also the scores in Proposal Daisakusen. Those songs mean a lot to me. I think they would sound magnificent if played properly.

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Morning, I love the scent of a morning breeze. But I just can’t seem to wake up and smell the coffee (Dido’s Album name XD).

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?

Solemn would be nice. But I guess it would eventually turn lighter since I wouldn’t be that hard on my spouse, I always soften up at anyone I liked. I wish I had one to soften up now.

20. What age do you want to get married?

No time limit set. Nothing after 60 though. Won’t have much action by then.

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

Alexis Bledel, Masami Nagasawa, Maki Hirokita, etc. ROFL I can’t think of anyone right now. Know me long enough and you'’l notice the type of girls I like, it never fails.

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?

Depends on the culinary range, I think the whole set would be required, (looking at question 34).

23. Champagne or red wine?

I’m allergic to wine, and alcohol. But then Champagne would seem proper, don’t you think so?

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?

Since it’s going to be in a grand cathedral in Europe, isn’t that right away?

25. Money or household item?

Money money money money, MONEY! (The Apprentice’s opening song) I don’t mind, really. It’s the thought that counts.

26. Who will pay for the bills?

I would. Therefore I must be filthy rich by then!

27. Are you ready for married life?

I think I am. I just haven’t met anyone suitable. But then I love to be alone. Go figure.

28. Do u think you will still be a virgin until u get married?

I hope not. I’d rather be a little more capable on the first night than some stupid story I heard about a guy who didn’t know anything about sex and had to ask his mother to come in and teach to help him finish up. Now that’s f**ked up.

29. Will u always be true to your wife/husband?

I will only marry someone I really like and that I’m sure that I won’t have a change of heart. So I guess there’s no room for error.

30. How many kids do u like?

Depends. I love kids. Nothing less than 2, nothing more than 4.

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?

I’d love a castle as my house. But I’ll be worried about the pipings and the clean up required. So a new house it is, I’d leave most of the stuff to her. But I want some word on some parts in my home, like the study room or the kitchen (I’d love to cook).

32. Will u celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?

That’s too far ahead, isn’t it?

33. What kind of cuisine would u like for ur wedding?

Fusion. I hated the Chinese appetizers. Gourmet meals matched with Chinese elements to satisfy the platter of those who aren’t accustomed to it. Then again, a thought for later times.

34. Will u record ur honeymoon in a cd or dvd?

Depending on the latest technology. Blu Ray might be redundant by that time comes.

35. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next??? choose 5 people

BaiHe
YaMan
Jeremy “Bra Bra” Choo!
Terence “Pundex” Yeo!
Pinkpau(!)*evil laugh*
(Not going to tag those who tagged me (Eimun and Weiqi) since there's no point in making them repeat it.)

Anyone else that I didn't tag can go ahead and do it though ^_^

PS: This is done with a wobbly head and lack of common sense. No responsibility will be upheld due to this.

Short Update (wtf)

2008-12-10T12:35:00.003+10:30

Short Update: (Which would then become longer and longer until it becomes boring wtf)

Finished my supplementary exams! Was sooooo happy that I spent my whole night dotA-ing to my heart's content, Shiva with Luna rules! PA with 2 Battle Furies and Helm of the Dominator is perfect! I even killed Venomancer while he was invisible and my splash damage made it die...it made me laugh so hard and I've kept a replay of it.

Maybe I should ask my sis on how to make those clips like Pizzaslice111...

Instead of packing up, I'll be going out and shopping for some stuff. I need to get things like Cherries for mom and Smoked Almonds and Arnott's Sesame Biscuits back for Michele.

One week left!

It's been more than a year since I've left home. And even though I miss Ipoh, I've come to get used to this place. It's not that bad, just a tad tooo boring. Nightclubs are racist, Chinese restaurants are not up to standard, and it's rare to find a gorgeous female in the University, let alone the whole city. Sigh.

I bet my relatives would be so dissapointed that I won't be bringing any nice Caucasian girl back to boost our gene pool. I bet they would be horrified if I brought one back from China, but hey, strengthening our own gene pool isn't that bad right? But again the idea of having cute-mixed kids with blue eyes seem tempting. But then I need to make myself eligible...which is, NOT!

Seriously not having much to look forward to going back. I know I need to go and visit everyone, call up a few friends and well just try to see everyone before I go back. Two months isn't long, but I'll try to make the most out of it.

I'll pray hard not to see her anywhere, because I really won't know what to do if I'd see her walking around with her new 'slave' Andrew.

Then again, it got me thinking about a question she always said: " Why can't we just stay friends? You don't have to ignore me and treat me like garbage whenever I'm attached. It hurts me."

The truth is, given the choice of not liking you previously, you would never have qualified as a friend to me. You attitude,personality, priorities and mindset are totally not in sync with mine. Besides, your friends don't mean anything to you. All you want is just attention and be idolized for your egoistic and naive nature. You don't care about your friends, and if you weren't boycotted and dumped, you'd never change and believe in "karma", and you'll be as bad as before. When it happened, you only want to change so that you won't be hit by punishment or karma. Does that make a difference?

No

So does that answer your question? I think my friends know how I treat them, I don't use them, that's for sure. I do whatever it takes to help them, and I always stand by them when they need support. We'd never always agree, but at least I don't care if they'd help me, I just enjoy their company. Look at yours, who are just obsessed with what guys you date, how many have you been confessed to, what guys did things for you, and those who are so keen on nailing you. We'd never match, unless I turn dandy and womanize, which is when hell freezes over; or when you change, which is when heaven burns in flames.

Just give it up.

Why?

2008-12-05T03:01:00.002+10:30

I came across this in a pro-government blog I usually visit.

Bila sebut sahaja satu aliran Bahasa dalam sekolah untuk memartabatkan bahawa rasmi negara ini, suara yang mendesak Mukhriz di ambil tindakan undang-undang kerana menghasut timbul. DAP – parti pejuang cauvinis Cina dengan slogan Malaysia Malaysian dan Bangsa Malaysia kononnya mendesak agar Mukhriz diambil tindakan atas Akta Hasutan. Kenapa melenting? Bila menceritakan mengenai perlucutan Hak Keistimewaan Melayu – untuk keadilan dan kesamarataan – hebat – kononnya mahukan bangsa Malaysia. Kenapa tidak dimartabatkan satu bahasa – Bahasa Melayu sebagai bahasa yang boleh digunakan untuk semua Bangsa Malaysia. Kenapa perjuangan bahasa mereka mahu jadi rasis dan bila Melayu mahu berusaha memartabatkan bangsa Melayu – dikatakan perjuangan rasis.

Apa kah bentuk asimilasi dan integrasi yang dimahukan untuk perjuangan bangsa Malaysia, yang sibuk dilaungkan oleh mereka. Sebenarnya Melayu tidak perlu malah kena bertindak agresif menentang parti DAP – Parti cauvinis Cina yang mempunyai agenda nakal semata-mata untuk menghentam keharmonian perpaduan antara kaum dengan menimbulkan tuntutan Cina. Mereka sentiasa menghentam organisasi Melayu – khususnya politik Melayu dalam mana mengaku bahawa mereka tidak rasis.

Parti ini sebenarnya telah dan akan banyak membawa kebinasaan dalam perhubungan kaum dengan persoalan isu-isu sensitif agama dan bangsa. Kenapa ini dibiarkan oleh orang Melayu. Apakah perjuangan mereka tidak menunjukkan perjuangan bangsa dengan usaha untuk mengikis ketuanan dan hak orang Melayu. Tapi kita masih mengamalkan toleransi yang tinggi, takut Cina tidak undi BN. Namun hakikatnya – DAP telah membakar isu-isu perkauman untuk mereka menjadi juara kepada kaum Cina sementara kerajaan membiarkan atas alasan mahu menjaga sensitiviti Cina sedang DAP tidak tahu apa makna sensitiviti terhadap Melayu.

Hari ini DAP – dengan suara lantang menghentam hak Melayu di dokong oleh Melayu dalam PAS dan PKR. Adakah tidak nampak – DAP bukan mahu memperjuangkan semua bangsa – tetapi hanya mahu kemenangan pada bangsa mereka sendiri. Melayu harus mula meragui Dap dan harus mula berpaling pada mana-mana organisasi yang melekat dengan DAP kerana nyata Dap hadir untuk perjuangan kaum dan adalah parti yang amat rasis berbanding dengan yang lain.

The comments below were even worse:

Kalau aku jadi Menteri dasr Negara aku tukar serta merta, Pertama! Tiada tulisanCina dan Keling diTanah Melayu ini, HARAM TERUS! kecuali berkaitan dengan ISLAMsahaja, Kedua! Tiada lagi SRJKC dan SRJKT, Bahasa Cina hanya wujud di sekolahagama sahaja yang berkaitan dengan islam. Ketiga! orang cina dan keling hanyalayak mengundi sahaja tidak sebagai pemimpin politik. Tiada hak milik kekaldiatas tanah yang diduduki. Kalau tak sanggup boleh belah, negara kau!!!!!!!berambus!!!!!!.

Aku memang benci betul paria dan cina babi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rasa naktabur je dengan peluru penabur, biar mampusssssss!!!!!!!!!!!. Tension betul leaku, macamana nak buat ni supaya aku tenang! buat macam orang serbia sembelihorang bosnia ! amacam?

Dalam memori aku tiada istilah dulu Tanah Melayu sekarang Malaysia. Pada akuTanah Melayu adalah Tanah Melayu dulu kini dan selamanya, tiada istilahMalaysia. Kalau aku jadi menteri aku tukar balik negara ini dengan nama NegeriMelayu. Itulah sebabnya cina dan hindu kurang ajar, sebab dia rasa bangsa diajuga berhak. Aku kesal sebab pemimpin dulu semasa nak menuntut kemerdekaankenapa nak jemput paria dan cina babi ini, biar kita lambat merdeka sikit takapa, contoh macam Brunei, sekarang kan senang, tak perlu diganggu oleh cina babidan hindu barua ni. Pada fikiran aku bangsa kita masih belum merdeka lagi selagiada paria dan cina babi ni.

Ingat! ini Tanah Melayu, adalah hak Melayu,Bangsa kamu ada negara sendiri, OrangMelayu, tidak ada negara lain, Bangsa kamu sekira berlaku kekacauan boleh cabutlari negara kamu, tapi ini Tanah Air kami, kami kena pertahan hingga ketitisandarah terakhir, Ingat lah! orang Melayu masih lagi bersabar, kalau syeihmakrifat kami memuncah, jangan salahkan kami, bangsa kamulah puncanya,dahsemakin mengancam ketenteraman tanah air kami, Bangsa kamu sudah melampau, Binakuil ikut suka hati, mohon sekolah cina dan hindu melampau, bina tokongbesar-besar, tulisan bangsa kamu semakin menjadi-jadi, kamu ingat ini negarakamu punya ka, tengok bangsa kamu yang menguasai perak, cepat-cepat tukar geranhak milik tanah kampung baru kepada hak milik kekal, apa maksudnya tu, kalau takada agenda nak menguasai tanah Melayu, ada Menteri Besar perak bodoh macamKaldai, aku tak sangka ada Menteri Besar Bodoh macam Keldai, ditunggang olehcina bab...

And when somebody tried to reason with them:

james - malays - left over society
2008-12-03 10:21:16
Damm, as I was commenting on the need of Islam to be progressive, on one of the article here, a new post was madeby the webmaster condemning DAP and the guest defending the Chinese. Iwas surprise that the web master did not understand regarding the need topreserve the Chinese language. It is sad that the web master himselfforget to brand this as a Malay chauvinist. This will not help. The needsfor the Malays to step out from the old culture, leaving the so called

KING of MALAYS
2008-12-03 11:24:29
james....fuckkkkkurMUM laaa

nhk
2008-12-03 11:59:17
orang pertama sokong kenyataan Mukriz adalah Prof. Khoo Kay Kim (orangcina)....kenapa?????

anak MELAYU
2008-12-03 21:38:14
hoi james, ko nak kene sunat ek? ko james bond ke james boh? mangkuk hayun cinani.....aku sula bontot ko nak?

melayu sekolah cina
2008-12-03 21:42:38
james....tiu lia ma chow hai laa. chisin....lia pa hang ka chan laa.... WHY WHY,TELL ME WHY.....TIU LIA MA KAU CHOW HAI.....

melayu sekolah cina
2008-12-03 21:43:49
james....WHY WHY TELL ME THAT, TIU LIA MA KOW CHI BEK.....

TAIKO MELAYU - to my dear james
2008-12-03 21:45:50
james, ini blog melayu taw ka? lu jangan berani kacau aaa.....lu mau kene potonglanchauu ka??????? cilaka luuu

ahmad albab
2008-12-03 21:48:08
james, lu taw apa itu 13mei ka? kalau jadi lagi cina susah cari makan taw....takpercaya? cuba laaaaa......lu belum jumpa melayu berani mati lagi taw....

I don't feel like going home.

After reading all these stuff I really don't feel like going home....

There's no unity, understanding and even a tad of sense in our society. We are all selfish, naive, and unwise. I'm not just talking about UMNO, but DAP and PR in general. DAP claims to support Malaysia for Malaysians, and yet we see calls for Sedition Act that was opposed fiercely by them on Mukhriz. Yet we see opposition in what in surface looked like binding Malaysians together. (Note: It is in accordance to the policy(literally), but as we all know, could be a reason to just make everyone zombies to UMNO.)

Nobody in our country is fit to rule. Each and every one of them has their own agenda. Who can I vote in the next general election?

I understand now the need for divinity, Men have yet to reach selflessness. We are all fools to our own fate.

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword, or is it?

2008-12-05T00:21:00.002+10:30

I had to struggle to find words to express myself when I came across this article.

All the amusement and merriment I had accumulated the whole day, washed away by a short but heart-wrenching, upsetting and distasteful story.

By Ken Shiffman
CNN Senior Producer

(CNN) -- In 1993, Romeo Dallaire was full of hope for the future of Rwanda.

More than 800,000 people were killed in the Rwandan genocide in 1994.

The Canadian lieutenant general and son of a soldier was about to take up the biggest command of his career -- leading United Nations peacekeepers in the central African nation.

A year later he left Rwanda a broken man, having watched helplessly as more than 800,000 people perished in Rwanda's genocide despite his pleas for more troops to stop the massacre.
"We could have actually saved hundreds of thousands," Dallaire told CNN's Christiane Amanpour for "Scream Bloody Murder."

"Nobody was interested."

Dallaire's mission was to monitor a peace deal between two warring ethnic groups, the Hutus and the Tutsis. But the agreement was just a façade. Hutu extremists within the government were stockpiling weapons, and Tutsi refugees had formed a rebel army.

The Tutsis were a minority in Rwanda, and their plight was personal for Dallaire. His Dutch mother had watched friends die in the Holocaust, and he had been raised on stories of heroic Canadian soldiers who brought hope to war-torn Europe.

A French Canadian raised in Montreal, Dallaire had experienced discrimination first-hand and was determined to protect the Tutsi minority. But he soon found his was a lone voice.
On January 20, 1994, Dallaire made a chilling discovery: An informant warned him that Hutu government agents were planning bloodshed.

"They were going to conduct an outright slaughter and elimination of the opposition," Dallaire said.

Dallaire cabled his bosses in New York, warning that his informant "has been ordered to register all Tutsi in Kigali. He suspects it is for their extermination."

The informant described a major weapons cache, which Dallaire said he planned to raid in the next 36 hours.

Kofi Annan, then head of the U.N. Department of Peacekeeping Operations, was concerned about the safety of Dallaire's limited U.N. force. Annan's office told Dallaire: "We cannot agree to the operation contemplated ... as it clearly goes beyond the mandate."

Dallaire tried to change Annan's mind, repeatedly exchanging faxes with New York through the rest of January and into February.

"Ultimately I got authority. It took two months, and by then it was far too late," Dallaire said.
In an interview with CNN, Annan explained his reasoning:

"When you're operating in that sort of context with limited troops and facilities, you have to be careful what sort of risks they take, where everybody may even have to leave, and place a people at greater risk. And in a way, this is what happened," Annan said.

"Dallaire as a soldier, he's a very good man, he's a friend, and I respect his professional acumen. One had to take all these factors into consideration before you take a decision. Do the troops take this risk? Do they have the mandate? Do they have the resources?

"Dallaire himself said, 'If I had had a brigade, which is 5,000, I could have done a lot.' He had a fraction that number."

Asked why a brigade wasn't sent, Annan said: "The brigade was not available. The [Security] Council did not augment the troops. In fact, they went the other way.

"We would have liked to see a larger force in. I had had situations where I called 82 member states together, trying to get troops. I got zilch."

On April 6, 1994, a plane carrying the presidents of Rwanda and neighboring Burundi was shot down. It was the moment the Hutu plotters had been waiting for -- the spark that ignited the genocide.

Col. Theoneste Bagosora, a Hutu extremist, immediately declared the army was in charge. Within hours, government troops and civilian death squads began slaughtering Tutsis.
"We saw the extremists, the presidential guard and militias, going to specific houses ... and killing people or hauling people off," Dallaire said.

He described the horror of getting phone calls from people he knew while they were under attack.

"As they were busting down the door and opening fire," he said, "we would literally hear people dying at the end of the phone as they were trying to get through to us and we had literally nothing to send them."

Dallaire also heard the Hutu government-run radio tell listeners that Tutsis were "nothing but cockroaches," broadcasting names of people to be murdered and instructions on how to mutilate and kill them.

It was an echo of past genocides. In Cambodia, the Khmer Rouge called their victims "worms." To the Nazis, Jews were "vermin."

Dallaire says he and his troops moved through entire villages of dead, sometimes clearing paths through corpses with their bare hands.

"With my own hands I carried them," he said. "We carried them in our arms, we carried kids in our arms, and adults. We were picking the bodies and moving them aside. ...There would be piles of bodies."

Dallaire's troops were also targets: 10 were killed in the first days of the genocide. He was desperate for help, on the phone with New York several times a day, asking when reinforcements were coming.

Five days into the killing, some U.S. officials began to fear the worst. A top Pentagon official wrote about the potential for "hundreds of thousands of deaths." A day later, a State Department memo warned of "a bloodbath."

But instead of reinforcements, the United States joined a chorus of countries calling for withdrawal. Washington's taste for foreign intervention had soured.

Just months earlier in Somalia, two dozen Pakistani peacekeepers had been murdered. United States commandos on the hunt for the killers had their Black Hawk helicopter shot down.

Eighteen U.S. soldiers were killed.

Americans were anxious to extricate themselves from Africa -- just as they had been in Southeast Asia decades before.

"The U.S. troops had been killed and dragged through the streets and humiliated," Annan said. "The governments were not prepared to take another risk and go into Rwanda."
After two weeks of debate, Washington compromised and agreed to a token U.N. presence. The result: The U.N. Security Council voted to reduce Dallaire's already small force by 90 percent.
"In essence, they voted to allow the killers to continue," said Michael Barnett, a professor who was on a fellowship at the U.N. at the time and studied its response to the genocide.

"The moment that the U.N. votes to withdraw, that's when we see a real spike in the violence," Barnett said. "Because at that point it's clear to the Rwandans ... that there will not be any cavalry over the horizon."

In the fourth week of the killing, then U.N. Secretary General Boutros-Boutros Gali concluded that the mission was hopeless. He ordered a pullout of all U.N. troops. Dallaire refused.

"I refused a legal order," Dallaire said. "But it was immoral."

Dallaire and his few hundred peacekeepers could do little except help humanitarian efforts and protect a small number of people, while he repeatedly and futilely attempted to negotiate a cease-fire.

As the United States and the United Nations stood by, the rebel Tutsi army fought back against the Hutu government. In mid-July, 100 days of hell came to an end when Tutsi forces declared victory.

Weeks later, Dallaire asked to be relieved of his command. The horrors of the genocide had taken its toll. He was guilt-ridden, believing he should have done more to prevent the genocide.
In his book, "Shake Hands With The Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda," Dallaire wrote: "Death became a desired option. I hoped I would hit a mine or run into an ambush and just end it all. I think some part of me wanted to join the legions of the dead, whom I had failed."

Those thoughts of suicide followed him home to Canada.

In the preface of his book, Dallaire summed up his Rwanda experience, writing, "I know there is a God because in Rwanda I shook hands with the devil. I have seen him, I have smelled him and I have touched him. I know the devil exists, and therefore I know there is a God."

Today Dallaire is a senator in the Canadian parliament and dedicates much of his time to an initiative to eradicate the use of child soldiers.

To most of us in this world, we are blessed not to be born in a part of the world where guns and brawns would mean the power to dictate and decide the fate of those who live. We spend days trying to worry about what some whore/bitch would even consider one's affection, and yet somewhere far away, people are dying for no reason at all, or at the whim of people who just can't live with others and being selfish. We have officials who are bounded by the code of conduct and even with heavy hearts, they are limited by their tongues and are only able to negotiate while deep in their hearts, a bashing towards the Devil who is just sitting opposite them would've done more work than all the bickering for months.

Do you still believe in your views? Do you think that talking and talking would change everything? Every second you talk means another few of them gets shot down, raped, tortured, and even mulitilated by those who are supposed to talk to you at the opposite end of your diplomatic relations. What can we do to change, make a difference?

Setsuna asked Saji Crossroad a good question: "Is it enough for you to have your own peace? And that others do not matter?" When Saji questioned his reason to fight, and belittled his views.

Now is my turn to ask you, is it enough to have your own peace? That talking would end the pain, while those who are at the eye of the storm will just have to hold on and fend for themselves while you figure a way out? Have you even considered what situation they are in, and they need help now, and not later? Why are people so stupid? Why are politicians so naive? Why are you to thick-headed?

Shame on all of you.

Of Topknots and Too Much Time to Spare...

2008-11-30T03:07:00.003+10:30

Had been struggling to write posts since that accidental Backspace button that caused my script to just disappear.

Man I hate the Backspace button now.

Apparently the swimming activity we were supposed to do today was cancelled due to others nagging and complaining about sore bones. Therefore I will spend my weekend ironing out my clothes.

Believe me, that’s enough of a task for the whole weekend. I have so many crumpled, unattended shirts that I feel like I want to scream, just like my dust-filled floor, which I wonder which idiot forgot to return the vacuum cleaner to the storeroom?

A better question would be:

Who the hell wants to keep a vacuum cleaner in his/her room?

Saw Sarah, who was one of those who actually I had managed to be friends with when I just got here. Apparently she doesn’t remember me, so maybe I did change a lot (Maybe the amount of hair I had really made a difference). I’m surprised to see her back in the Lodge again since she moved out last year. She asked me some random question about the washing machine which was apparently new while I was doing my crazy ironing quest in the laundry room.

Tied my hair in a topknot today! I’ve always had a liking with topknots on girls. Makes their foreheads bright and better sight on how good their complexion is. However I did this because of the hair falling on my face as I was ironing clothes.

I tried with a ponytail but it was kind of irritating, especially having that little tuff that just tickles you again and again. I finally understood why my sister hates me breathing under her neck. Sorry sis!!

Besides that, I suddenly had the feeling on visiting Namewee’s blog. It’s been a long while since that Negarakuku song as well as his quest on doing a documentary while hiking all the way back.
To my surprise, he not only had one, but four or five new clips, depending on how you regard about the type they are. Remembering the controversies I read from the press a couple of days ago about his newest clip, I had to take a look.

The clip was about having his friend acting as a makeshift English teacher, giving each alphabet a letter as well as making a sentence out of each of them. He did several of them with the same situation, having the guy moaning as if he was in an intercourse, which probably was not, and it would seem horrible to do so. Most of the letters were rude, but amusing. And the point he tried to show was to complain about the state of education system in our country, and especially about the independent schools, where he came out from.

I have reminded my sister not to watch it with my mother around, lest it annoys her and having her make a big fuss out of it. My parents still believe in good values and my mother has been nothing but protective and conservative about pressing matters in this society. I managed to convince her about the change of government, but nothing else besides that.

I felt a tinge of shame when I was watching his videos. I wanted to comment in his blog but I felt it would be more polite, even more sensible to just blog about it and see how people react around me. Most of the responses in his blog were negative, and he has made a rebuttal video to those dissidents, I prefer not to be caught in the fire this time.

He was ranting about how the education system has affected the students in Malaysia and how badly managed its policies were. The inclusion of Science and Mathematics in English was a huge burden to the education system itself, as it was rectified during the 1970s with the introduction of the KBSR and KBSM to change most subjects to Malay to instill national unity. As most of the English educated teachers are already or were retired, most of the current teaching staff is ill-equipped to manage this major overhaul once more. Since 5 or more years after its instillation, the debate still rages on.

From blogs I’ve read all over the Net, I find some of the Malays are against it as it diminishes the role of the national language and somehow it is an infringement of the Constitution. They believe that learning the Colonialist’s language would destroy their culture and heritage, therefore it must be rejected outright to preserve their cultural identity. The Chinese were adamant that they were given the liberty to teach in Chinese as well, causing even further problems as things got pretty messy. But the government tried to soothe them by including bilingual exam texts so that they are allowed to adjust to their own pace.

However, for him, he was caught in the storm where things were just starting and his friend was unable to continue his studies due to the poor level of English they have. He couldn’t even find work as English became a main criteria in employment. Hence they were forced to “balik kampung” (returning to their own village in Malay). In frustration, he complained that the ministry was pulling their legs and caused their future in doubt. He also voiced anger at the fact that independent schools were allowed to continue on teaching and enrolling students, but also being denied of other education opportunities after graduation. He mentioned that going overseas should be based on the fact that one wants to see the world, and not because of being forced by the limited opportunities allowed by his homeland.

I agree to a certain extent. However, watching the videos made me feel uncomfortable and somehow reminding me of the troubles I had back in school.

As most of the people who read my blog know, I am not your typical Chinese-medium educated student.

I started to show a preference on English since my primary education (where my sister got entranced by British Pop, and with Spice Girls at their peak) and have scored well ever since then, my class teacher even claimed that I held on to my class standings based on the ridiculously high marks I score in exams for English, compared to my other subjects. Classmates started to brand me as an outsider and somehow being against the norms. They think I “betrayed” the Chinese by practicing the language of another race. I was not popular with my classmates, and somehow despised by many. But welcomed by those who are as fluent as I was, where those who were strangely sent to such schools even though their family is obviously English-educated.

Things never changed even after I reached Secondary education. I was still doing well in English and being famously quoted by my English teacher as a “walking dictionary”, while my sister showed lethargy and leaned towards Mandopop instead. I still remembered the day I went to my tuition class and got flamed by Connie who noticed I was ogling at her and somehow me looking rather childish and fat and ugly and you know, stupid? I immediately proved to the whole class who the real master was. I spent three whole years dominating the class in that subject and having a love-hate relationship with her. In fact she angered me so much that I worked hard in class and scored perfect As in PMR, though I admit was smitten by her and was disappointed at her arrogance. We lost touch after that and I still miss how someone could make me hate and yet like at the same time. But without English, I would’ve been nothing but a lowly creature in class. It made a difference on how others looked at me.

Then came the debates, the ELS, etc, etc. Where I spent most of my time attached to the language. The thing that annoyed me the most was people being fast to presume that I was Christian, or Catholic. Popular belief states that if you are good in English, you are bound to attend Churches on Sundays. I was annoyed at this statement and staunchly denied this allegation. I was proud to pronounce I was Buddhist and rejected many invitations by my other Christian or Catholic friends to attend activities or missionaries to churches. In fact, I had been invited so many times to convert that I was fed up at people trying to convert me. Unlike those who are in confusion with religion, I had none as I am not desperate for popularity, nor am I a believer in divinity. I had so many chances to convert, but I didn’t, as I was determined to prove to people that you do not need to be in that religion to be good in that language. I am quite upset with things like girls forcing their boyfriends to convert in order to retain their relationships as well as those problem articles we read in newspapers about religious differences in spouses. After what happened 3 years ago, I stopped believing in divinity would make a change in this world.

The change of English came to me during Form 6. I had plenty of practice in previous forms where Mr. Choo, my Chemistry teacher for Form 4 forced us to study Chemistry in English. He was a really good teacher, but I wasn’t going to excel in my Chemistry until the following year where I did well under another teacher. The change was tough, and everyone presumed I would have a breeze in it. In fact I wasn’t, by picking Physics as my core subject, I had made myself one of the toughest choices, and I was never good in mathematical analysis. Friends have persuaded me to reconsider and even my parents have been supportive of me doing Arts, but due to my ambition to be in one of the toughest branches in Engineering, I went ahead and hit a brick wall. It proved that although one is superior in terms of language, it takes real practice to really do well in it. Getting a Band 6 in MUET or Band 8 in IELTS didn’t make things easier, besides some wide-eyed astonishment of student counselors or those warm and friendly staff at the UK education fair.

But now, studying in an environment where English is the main medium of disseminating information, I felt grateful that I had 2 years prior to adjusting to the language beforehand. I had eased my way past the 1st semester here, though things have not been easy after that. But that was not due to the language barrier anymore, but the quality of education of our country instead. I am a supporter of the return of the science and mathematics in English, as I personally had felt the advantage after its implementation. My other friends who were not so lucky, had to struggle not to fall asleep and not getting Dr. Colin Kestell’s thick British accent, or Ian Brown’s low mumblings on Materials. I felt sorry for them and I understood their situation. Just that I felt annoyed at their insistence on speaking Chinese where things would’ve improved had they opened their mouth and made awkward remarks. I started like that as well, there is no shame in that. I would do that again if I were to learn another language.

Therefore, Namewee’s ranting is not insensitive or a cheek at coverage and scoring fame. It’s just his personal view where I know most of my stubborn, ultra-conservative friends would relate to. I’ve been called a “Banana”, a traitor, and some things that I myself wouldn’t have known due to my weird affiliation with another language. It would just be easy to just follow the crowd and just go with the flow, but it takes real character to not do so. I’m reaping the benefits now, despite the somehow mocking song by S.H.E about the Chinese language being increasingly popular. I can hear the smirks by the opposition and that would’ve been their theme song in any debate. I don’t hate my own language, just that I’m good in another. Being multilingual is something I am grateful to acquire, and I hope everybody in Malaysia can see this. Instead of waiting to be understood, why not learn the language and understand others? All the bickering and opposition is pointless if there is a point in doing so, and this is what I think the only thing I would agree with the government. So flamers beware.

I can understand you, Namewee. Though I must admire your creativity. We need people like you, those who can make a difference.

My Lost Wallet

2008-11-22T00:46:00.002+10:30
Apparently I have this amazing ability.

The ability to make my wallet dissapear so abruptly that the owner does not even notice it until a certain length of time after its dissapearance.

This is not the 1st time it happened. This is in fact the third time this has happened since I came here.

Amazingly, with luck and honestly from the people around here, I've managed to recover previously my wallet unscathed TWICE. Which means, everything intact, all the money and documents inside. I was astounded and very very impressed with the high level of morality the people here have, despite the usual annoyances I came across from the locals where they binge to death on weekends, run around like nutcases and ask stupid questions. Though they seem to be lack of morality, they make up for honesty and sincerity. I don't hate you guys, I just am not used to the way of life here.

All I wish is that I hope for a third time lucky. But I think even being something from above, which I now highly doubt its existence, would be frustrated with this seemingly amazing "ability" I have come to inherit. My parents have pointed out the possibility of the dissaperance of my spouse in the future should I keep this thing up. Losing it a couple of times is bad enough, but for it to happen three times, this is unprecedented. Even friends have been chiding me and especially Terence, who I berated for being a bad DotA player, took this oppotunity to take a swipe back at me and said I deserved it.

To the extent that, I admit I am not a good person to take hold of any responsability. I should be ashamed, and yes, I should be more careful.

But honestly Terence, you've said too much and somehow the annoyance has been rather hard to bear. You reactions in the games today have shown you being unreceptive of the criticism which you, quite frankly proved to us yet again today.

If you want to shut us up and give you some respect, earn it. Stop feeding and making stupid mistakes. I think Jeremy says it all:" Look at that, another chapter of the Noob Supremacy. Chase-kill and yet getting creeped and killed."

Which in fact I would be happy to show some really unbelievable things really poor players do that makes this quote a rather harsh comment. Take note that if you don't understand some of the things, it's alright. But it seems quite straightforward and you can see why we enjoy this game so much.

Part 2 of it:

Courtesy of Pizzaslice111, the person responsible of patching all of these up. Catch his other works in You Tube. Put his name there on the search box and you'll get tons of other cool clips he's made about dotA.

Hell, I don't intend to insult you man, but I had my share of criticism and I've made up for it. You've seen me play today with vindication and I've proven myself. I let my performance do the talking.

Anyway thanks for the advice you gave me. I hope you'd bounce back.

Befuddled

2008-11-16T02:33:00.001+10:30
I know I should be asleep by now. But I just felt like switching off my MSN and Facebook, etc, and think about what I should write since my hiatus for exams.

Things have not been happening too well for me. I screwed up both Materials and Dynamics. I know I don’t stand a chance with Dynamics since I barely did anything for that one. Apparently my weakness of being unable to draw vector diagrams would kill me as it did for Statics. I only realized this now.

Then again I must apologize to my parents about a few matters:

1. I have not been a good son. I have fought you all along the way by pushing myself and waste a year of funds doing something which quite frankly, hasn’t turned out so well. I do not intend to give up, but I must assure you things are getting hard. Either you pull me out now, or I shall go ahead and plod all the way through. Think in terms of monetary, if you guys are pushed. Be practical, I will understand.

2. I have failed to fulfill your hopes. I promised to work hard and yet I have failed to do so. I have nothing to say but to blame myself for still feeling sorry for myself and getting myself into situations that don’t benefit me at all. I have tried to change myself and start over but I see myself unable to move forward due to certain things in the past. Apparently it isn’t easy to let go and move on, and I have been hampered time and time again by people who quite frankly, don’t deserve to be worried about. I have been disappointed time and time again. It’s time to let bygones be bygones and just accept this bitterly. I have yet to swallow this bile with enough gusto. It would take time to take it in completely.

3. I have not shown proper respect and have been nothing but nuisance. Besides being opposing and lazy, I have also been wasteful. Indulging on matters that don’t matter at all. I deserve less than what I have. I have shown arrogance and ignorance to matters and have also disregarded advice. I have lied and have shown immaturity in dealing with my life. I have not let go of that matter completely and recent issues have affected my judgment as well as emotions which I admit would have affected exam morale.

In simple terms, this has been an expensive vacation.

I do not doubt the probability of coming back empty-handed. But I wish for better states where I would not have to bother with these matters. All I want is a degree which in turn would reflect me in a better light, and aid in my career. I wanted this to wipe away my past. I am annoyed by constant scorns and remarks about how simple things can be solved with a snap of a finger. It’s not so. Or in other words, I think I can use her words and say: “Please take some time to understand my situation.”

It is exactly disgusting to use her words, where I really do not understand the extent of her actions.

1. How can one just place faith into another person’s hand just because you cannot find solace in the shelter of one’s heart desires? By picking another, does that mean solace can be found as it surely can be with the other? Is fickle mind-ness an unchangeable trait of the female counterpart?

2. How can one admit they are both bitchy and slutty at the same time, yet not be responsible for their own actions? Does that mean claiming to be both of these words, one can be freed and not be blamed for performing such actions?

3. How can a person be so insensitive and yet ask for people to be sensitive to their own? Why must we give the benefit of a doubt to a person who has not shown any sincerity towards a long-lasting acquaintance? Why must this be one-sided, when public relations have always been between two parties?

4. Why must sincerity be scorned while falsehood and other intentions are tolerated? Why claim it is hard to reject one who has been barely liked, while one has swiftly denied the sincere advances of another? Why so easily done in the past and yet so hard in the future?

5. Why claim to be afraid to talk about the past and also said to be regretful of past cruelties done to the previous advances, and yet be cruel again? By being selfish, is one freed of all guilt?
Clearly all these are things that go on in my mind and will not return any satisfactory answers. Comments from her peers have shown immense shallowness and naivety that stems from the core of the fellowship. One claims to be oblivious to the fact that to be a slut, one has to be defined by all the actions of a slut to be termed so. By not acting to that extent, one can only be presumed to be not acting so, but to another more suitable term, which is unknown. One has not acted in random acts of intercourse and mingling with negative influences, how can one be termed so, especially when one still holds firmly onto their sanctity? In that case, how can be expected to be termed so? Self-claim is no claim.

Making such statements has been hurtful to me as much as the person on the receiving end, and yet if not done so, nobody ever shall. The intent of destroying and rebirth is to shatter the past obstacles and forge a new path towards progress, which will in turn be destroyed yet again for other progresses in time. To wield the flames of change, yet be doused by cold remarks has made the destruction a bare dent on the old ways. I have again been foiled and now feel that the light shall not emit from the end of this tunnel, while the destruction would only lead to my own demise.

My weariness takes toil upon myself. I shall retire and pray that the world has no mercy and strike swiftly on those who deserve retribution on their acts. Yet again, if justice is not served as before, then I have placed wronged faith on the balance of the world, and lived as a Man in vain.

I feel no regret on such remarks, as they are nothing but pure truth, and if the truth is hard to bear, then searing heat and swift judgment shall be the answer for thy ignorance.

I am now broken as a man with his sword shattered and unrepaired.

(PS: Updates after this, writing this is but a warm up for more posts.)

一年了

2008-10-23T00:07:00.001+10:30

用中文写部落格的次数，用手指应该数得出来吧？

其实也并不是什么见不光的事，就是心血来潮，想要用中文来写些罢了。用词，句子不通顺，或者任何其它根语文的毛病，请多多包涵。因为作者是个极度不擅长用中文来表达东西的人，也就是说，在中学用中文用的非常烂的家伙。我看连写这段开头，都用了九牛二虎之力，之后要怎么撑下去呢？

之从上个月突然间觉醒之后，本人感觉非常意外。所有跟之前的压力，悲伤，埋怨，等等都离我而去。也就是说，简直像被某某东西上身之后，突然间被道士做法赶走般的舒畅，清爽。刚好当时也是换季的时候。换季，也是我对她的“换季”。

不再想念，不再怀念，不再牵挂。

自己不再为自己找借口，自己开始接受，明白。自己开始释怀，忘记。

自己很不相信自己就是被一个她在自己部落格上写的一份文章醒过来的。当时自己也就是在部落格上很生气很生气地破口骂了一顿。当时的自己也打了通电话回去，跟一直为我担心的妈妈说了一句话：

我好了

妈什么都没说，就是告诉我放下了就好，还有很多事要做呢。对，的确很多事，不过自己本身就是不能战胜懒神的厉害，到了至今还是老样子，笑死人了。难道老天爷给我的重生，就白白的浪费了吗？难道，就会把我在这里的深造画上句号，把它当作个出去散心的旅程吗？

不，还是赶快写完这个，就开始努力吧。虽然时间剩下不多，至少做了点始终比完全没做来得好。不过，我可不是随随便便能满足的人。还是来个疯狂临时抱佛脚行动吧。

对了，话说回来。。。我之从得到了她的部落格网站之后，时不时会打开来看，想知道这个笨蛋最近又冒了什么鬼东西，看看她会不会在网站上提到我。其实都有，最近她又对另一个男生产生好感，在部落格上写的有多凄惨，从无奈，到失望，至绝望。才没多久之前才好不容易把那个外地来的老外放下，现在又跑出另一个“洋”。我说啊，恒，你也太容易上钓了。不过，我即使那时多么诚心的追，也打动不到你。真郁闷。

说提到我，也有提到。不就是随随便便的两句。就说，“那个在高中喜欢我的男生又在看我的部落格哦。。。”也不能说那个肯定是我，因为当时喜欢她的，不只是我一个人。不过，看了的确又一阵的不爽，原来在她的脑海里，我只不过是个“战利品”，脑海里突然间浮现了个影像，就是在众多人面前炫耀她自己有多么受欢迎的高中生活，而我，就是她会在那些人面前被说成曾经追过她而追不到的男生。要是自己以后成功之后，在电视上出现的话，我看她一定肯定告诉她的孩子：“那个人之前有追过我哦！”想起来真的非常不爽呢。

我之前为她做的事，送过她的东西，为她写过的文章，都忘了一干二净了吗？自己真的觉得自己做的事都白费了。还想回去当时还托敏捷替我做捷运的事，到现在还生我的气呢！我那时都坑下所有的面子，志气，就是为了替她庆祝当时的生日。就因为她说我对她的眼神，有侵犯她的感觉，还费了不少毅力，避开她的眼神，让她好过些。当时的我，什么都没想，就是处处为了她。而我得到的回报，就是那么的少。爱情，就是那么的残忍。

当时还担心她刚交的男朋友对她好不好，不停的注意他对她的企图是否会造成伤害。还无谓的吃了很多苦头，省了很多不该生的气，甚至搞炸了自己的学业，还差点连大学都进不了。要是家境再差一点，恐怕我的愿望只好煲汤了。

当时刚好离开的时候，还担心不再她的身边，会不会因为她的滥交，而在这个五花八门的首都里吃亏。那个时候还想了最坏的情况，做好心理准备。还疑问自己会对她关心直道什么时候，会不会就这个样子过下半辈子了吗？因此，刚到这里道的时候，对任何女生的接触都保持距离。因为，我当时还真的相信念好了书，就业了成功了之后再回头将自己在那个时候的黑暗彻底的摸掉。而且还以为，这样子做，可能能成为最后的胜利者。

想着，这些都是一年前的事了。

两年前，还因为一个人而做了那么多的傻事。然而得不到珍惜。可惜。

唯一肯定的是，我曾经爱过你。爱得死去活来，爱得痛不欲生，爱得包容她的一切。

爱得明白什么是爱。

爱得很用力，不过，就是得不到爱。

现在，这些感受刚好相反。现在，她就是我。对另一个男生爱得死去活来，爱得痛不欲生，爱得包容他的一切，爱得很用力，却得不到他的爱。

恒，你明白了我当时的感受了吗？

To Hurt Or To Be Hurt

2008-10-19T05:52:00.003+10:30
As you may have already noticed, if I ever posted anything on this blog, it would very highly probably be something that I cannot post on my other blog.

I know this is very random and may not be welcomed by regular visitors of this blog but well as KY has bestowed me the right to tarnish this blog, might as well use it to the fullest :P

I'm sure everyone in this world who's lived till my age (21 going to 22 soon, i know i'm old) has either been hurt by someone, or hurt someone before. Or both. And you know what kind of 'hurt' I'm talking about. Not physically but emotionally. Well i'm not talking about super duper it-girls/ it-boys obviously they are too perfect/popular to be hurt by anyone. >(

But I'm talking about normal humans like you and me. Normal humans who need to be loved and are bound to be weak at some point, to make mortal mistakes all the time.

I've never actually shared the story that till now still makes me want to bang my head into a wall and die with the self recognition of being the stupidest human on Earth, during the time the story was taking place. Truth is I'm not the kind of person who will ever admit to having emotional weaknesses. The more I feel weak emotionally, the more I hide it.

But now that everything is over and done with, I look back and realised despite all the frustration, heartache, sadness and anger, i've taken a lot away from it as well and as much has I'd hate to admit it, I've learnt a lot from it.

And the fact that i'm about to share it on a blog which's probably read by mostly peeps I dunno, I can assure myself that it is securely in the past, and shall rest in it.

I came from and grew up in an environment where feminism is highly championed and taught as a way of life. Family inculcated this value in me, school strengthened this belief, and personal experiences/observations fixed this belief in concrete. As a self-proclaimed highly multi-talented female, I did not, for the first 20 years of my life fall for, or even for a second get infatuated in any male before. Simply because i thought I was way above.

Then in my first year of university, one particular guy came into the scene. The first few times I saw him, never even registered his face. Nothing special, nothing impressionable, basically not my type. If you have to know, he's a typical Eastern European (or Southern, dunno their classifications), hence all the body hair, facial hair, intense and fierce features, loud language, huge male ego, basically too neanderthal.

It all started with Facebook. We'd Facebook message each other excessively and flirt extensively. Then it graduated to MSN and calls and SMSes that carried on throughout every minute of the day even when one of us was out of the country. But all the while I still had my guard on. All this while I thought I was the one in control while he was the desperate one with his assertions and actions which at that time was plain obvious that he was into me, (SOrdid details I do not wish to share, sorry.) while I was the one tarik-harga-ing. Reasons were simple, right from day 1 I knew we were very different people, and he's the extreme opposite of what I'd want in a partner- egoistic, selfish, critical, vain, superficial.

But on the grounds that he was a friend and I am not choosy with friends, I allowed him to keep badgering me, and allowed to chance for my heart to go astray.

Then owing to the hateful fact that i was born as the more emotional sex, feelings started to grow and I was starting to be very much affected by the the words that came out of his mouth. I started to do things that I would never ever imagined I'd do for anotehr person. I figured out that was it for me, I was dead. I'd finally got myself caught in the stupid web of emotions. We started arguing a lot and I was tired of having to guess his thoughts and feelings all the time due to his over "friendly" behaviour but never, ever confessions of his feelings.

So finally I asked THE question. Whether he liked me or not as more than a friend.

Answer came out as negative , as you would've expected.

At that point, I felt like the stupidest person on earth for having been used and invested my feelings in something that was NEVER there at the 1st place.

WOrst of all, I felt like I was being strung along all this while and served as only a temporary fill-in for someone's lonely heart while he was still having fun with numerous other females and pining for his ex still. I felt cheated.

In short, I was hurt.

As optimism has always been my one and only solution for most of my numerous troubles in life, I managed to convince myself how much I've learnt from it and I've since then pledged to live a feeling-less year. 1st class is most important! even if it takes being a nerd.

But then as always, God decided to throw a test on me. He threw me someone who's very sweet and lovely but whom I will never ever have feelings for. Someone who requires very delicate handling because of the complicated nature of our relationship. And along with this someone, a few other tests emerged out of nowhere along the way, out of a sudden. Just as I was mending and patching up the little pieces of my poor little delicate heart, these things burst out, unwelcomed. And worst of all, I recognise that all these problems started all because of myself, my casualness towards the boundaries of a friend. And all because of my casualness, I realised I may have been misleading them, as how the previous jerk has been misleading me.

In short, I realised that I am to them as the jerk was to me at that time. But for some reason I feel a considerably larger amount of guilt towards this complicated someone as compared to the otehrs simply because the nature of our relationship prevents blunt rejection. Hence, another day of avoiding blunt confrontation, another day's worth of guilt added to my conscience.

As days go by it became more and more apparent and lucid what was happening in my previous endeavour. ANd I used to spend hours and hours trying to figure out what was happening and wat was going through his head. And now that I think I might finally have a clue, I don't like it.

Truth is, because I was once at the receiving end of being misled, I know how painful it feels like and I do not want to mislead. I feal guilty. I feel bad. i feel horrible. I feel like I'm no different from the jerk.

I do not want to hurt, cause I know how bad it feels like to be hurt. But when there is no other option than to hurt, I suddenly realised how pitiful I must have been in the past endeavour as the one being hurt.

I know this sounds really convoluted and all over the place. And mushy. And i know I've sworn off emo-ness. But why do all these things have to come back to me one after another??
Just leave me alone please.
I just want a peaceful nerd life.
I just want to be alone....

Imba-ness of Gundam 00

2008-10-17T11:42:00.004+10:30

The 1st episode was a little letdown as everyone expected the new Gundams to appear and wipe everyone out, or at least introduced them as they did in the previous season, and all we got was a "caped" Exia (apparently used to hide his missing hand from the last battle four years ago) being dissected by the new Jinx and Ahead of the Earth Federation A-Laws Elite Team. Luckily we had a glimpse of Seravee, Tieria's new Gundam saving Exia from the last stroke.

However, the 2nd episode was a total 180, and we get to see what this series is all about. Gundam 00 has finally risen from its slumber and did what we all expected it to do, wipe every single Ahead and Jinx without a scratch. I've watched this several times and I still can't get over how scary this Gundam is going to become. The revolutionary Twin Drive allows it three times the spec of all the normal Gundams, with that mysterious particle stream ability. I managed to get a clip of the activation of it in the midst of destruction. Apparently not all GN drives could be compatible, and it was with the recklessness and determination of Setsuna that it finally responded to its Meister's call.

Looking forward to the reunion of all the meisters...in episode 3

Hmm...

2008-10-05T20:22:00.006+10:30

I know I'm supposed to be excited about the premiere of Gundam 00 tonight, but that would mean nothing as the subs would require it to be out only around tomorrow. Therefore after the early departure from my friend's house since Tuesday, I've spent time fruitlessly on stuff which quite frankly don't matter much at all. But I've spent my Friday last week watchinig a Japanese drama called Proposal Daisakusen or Operation Love or 求婚大作战. It turned out to be my activity for the whole afternoon and night after watching it during brunch. I simply got hooked by it and went on chasing the whole series until I slept. J-Dramas don't take too long, as they usually last no more than 15 episodes, but packed with meaningful and sufficent drama. I've watched several of them before, but this one would definitely be up there as one of my favourites.
The drama was about a guy called Iwase Ken who at the wedding day of his best friend Yoshida Rei (and also his secret crush for 15 years) wished he could turn back time and change the outcome of the wedding. While he was at the reception of the party, a funny looking man appeared and offered him a chance to do so. He would be allowed to travel back to the slideshow pictures at the reception and overturn the outcome of the pictures, which might result in the alteration of the entire wedding. In exchange, the man would be able to feast on his sumptuous platter.

The eventual wedding Ken was bent on stopping it from happening...

The 11 episodes of the drama each consists of a slide about an occasion which they would be in and he would be able to go back to that particular occasion. All of them were nice, but there were a few that really stood out.

Ken's Friend, Tsuru confessing his love for Rei's friend Eri on the field
Ken willing to take a bath just to purchase the milk coffee in the bathhouse...

For example, for the 2nd time travel, he went back to his high school Cultural Festival and Rei made him buy her milk coffee. Being back from the future, he thought that was the key to the sour-faced Rei in the picture in the slideshow, and went on a witch-hunt for milk coffee. Ironically, he was unable to get it no matter how hard he tried, and went back to a sour-faced Rei. He was at wits’ end and almost gave up when he recalled that she reacted strangely when his friend wanted to take a look at the CD she just returned to him. He opened it up and saw another hint: a book list. He then went back to the library and found something he did not find 6 years before: a baseball figure intended for his birthday, which was the point of the occasion. This was actually the main reason why Rei was upset because he didn’t find it. The adventure ends as they took the same picture and the flash brought him back to the present world, but this time, the picture had a smiling Rei on it. However, the wedding still happened.

The picture shown at the slide at 1st...

After the discovery of the Bass baseball figure, Rei's expression changed in the photo...

Another one that I was amused by was the one he went back to time to his 1st year in university, and had Rei’s grandfather over during the World Cup, and he woke up to her grandfather calling himself Beckham, and sporting a Mohican hairstyle. Rei’s grandfather left his home in Hiroshima without a single luggage and stayed over at Ken’s place over the summer, where Rei had been trying to persuade him to go back because her grandmother was worried. Rei’s grandfather was surprisingly outspoken, open-minded and wasn’t shy to hide his feelings to anyone, especially saying “Aishteru!!” to his wife, Rei grandmother on the phone in front of the Rei’s friends, which resulted in revulsion on everyone’s faces. XD He even sported wearing Ken’s t-shirt and jeans and walking all over the university talking to the female students in the university, to the dismay of Rei.

At that time, their fellow lecturer, Tada who was the eventual groom for Rei had appeared and Rei persuaded him to take care of her grandfather while she went for her classes. When Ken went back after his classes he found the grandfather happily chatting away with Tada, and at one point even claimed him to be the future husband for Rei, and Ken was crushed.

Later in the day her grandfather left Ken’s house and boarded the bus back to Hiroshima, and before he left he told Ken that: “Only fools wait for tomorrow!” He chided Ken for holding back his feelings for Rei and also told him to be more assertive lest he regrets in the future. He later convinced Rei to run to the bus station to see off her grandfather when he recalled that Rei’s grandfather died later that year, and she didn’t manage to give him her architecture sketches and the photo they had shot together. She also managed to tell him that his tamagoyaki (egg-roll biscuits) were delicious, and that brought a very touching farewell from her grandfather.

On the way back to his apartment he talked to Rei about the sensitive topic her grandfather brought up with Tada and the rest of the gang: her 1st kiss. Rei was clearly upset when Ken didn’t remember that she lost her 1st kiss because on him falling over her in an event during primary school Sports Day. Ken then took the chance when she walked up the stair to steal a kiss from her. She was stunned then slapped him twice in the face, and clearly showed a hint of a smile as she ran up the stairs. Ken thought he succeeded this time and went back in time with great hope, only to see a smile instead of the frown on the picture, and the wedding still in place.

An artistic rendition of the exact situation he stole the kiss...

As he went back he did several awkward things, like telling his friend Mikiyo about his trademark move 5 year later which caused confusion in his face, and trying to convince everyone that if he didn’t do the home run in which he failed and caused the baseball team to lose in the 1st picture, they would’ve lost anyway since his friend Tsuru would be struck out, and nobody believed him. He even wrote on Tada’s farewell card when he was a temporary teacher at his high school that he will not lose to him, and got questioned for his motive to write so. Only his friend Mikiyo realized that Ken was going back in time and helped him in several pictures later in the episode. He even slipped in one last picture in order to help Ken and settle the score straight since all his help failed at the previous pictures.

He didn’t always go back to change her sour-faced photos, (which surprisingly was quite often so, since she was always upset because Ken was insensitive towards her) he did go back once to change himself. After Tada confessed to Rei at the previous picture, she took a long time to consider and later told Ken she would accept him, and he recalled that was his worst new year. He was supposed to celebrate the New Year with them watching the 1st sunrise on the beach, and watching the new couple together made him so upset that he took another turn and refused to go with them. His friends then went to the beach only to realize that they all missed Ken and went back to find him, thus changing the whole background, and Rei sporting a very interesting handbag that she jokingly wanted from Ken's little blunder.

Ken's opinion on DKNY's meaning: Don't Knock New York XD

Eventually he went back 11 times, and each time he failed to convey his feelings towards her properly, resulting the wedding to still occur and him still at square one. But then, his actions of trying to change every single picture of Rei’s frowns to smiles did improve her opinion of him, and in turn, changed his thinking about the whole ordeal. He learnt to accept that the things he thought would change everything in fact didn’t change them at all. His travel back time was in fact a journey of realization, and not about saving the girl of his dreams. At the end he was given another chance by the fairy to the time where he was about to give a speech at the reception, and he was to make the best out of it, which then was clearly stated on the title of the finale:
A Tearful Confession

The thing that I liked about this drama was the fact that it was a very real situation where everyone would regret something and wished they could turn back time to change things. Little would they realize that in the end , they will always be the same and there should not be regrets about it, as what is done, is done. We will always have regrets, it’s whether we can live by it. I’m sure everyone who reads my blog know about all the things that I’ve gone through and how hard for me to live by it, until last week. I’ve suddenly come to terms with it and understood the fact that no matter how much remorse I had, nothing would happen and I would only be stuck in the past. Besides, I had none of the affection that I see Ken and Rei had for each other. Sometimes, I felt like it would be so, but usually, I feel like as if the feelings were one-sided.

Like what the fairy said, what Ken did was to go back in time and change those several hours of his life, and humans are not easily affected by that few hours of fate, especially their feelings. What is important is not to be upset with the past, but to fight for the present and future. I don’t have the chance to go back, but I understand what it implies. I know the truth, and yet I choose to live in denial. He also said, quoting J.S Bass: “Men find it hard to forget their 1st love, and women their last romance.” I admit this is not the 1st time I felt this to someone, but I know this is the 1st time I stepped up and went for it. I will not, like what my mom said, laugh at myself in the future, but understand and be proud that I had loved. I understand it and I know what to do when time comes.

If you’re reading this, thank you for giving me the chance to fail. I do care and I will always care about you. But don’t expect me to do all the things you thought I would just like I did 2 years ago. I’m not tied down by any responsibility to you anymore. Yet, I wish you happiness and hope that you will get it. Do not be ashamed by things around you, they are bound to have their own reasons. I’m not proud with a lot of things, but I’ve learnt to live by it. It’s good to hear you know how I feel at that time with what you’re experiencing now. Do what you can and just make sure this time, it isn’t a wrong impression.

To another person, if you’re reading this. Do not always wallow in your sorrows trying to search for an answer. Sometimes it’s not because of you or anyone else, but what we call fate. Not one is at fault, and the things that both of you once had are just not there anymore. Changing yourself won’t bring him back. Neither having to improve yourself won’t make him come back to your side. I know it’s hard to understand and accept at your time of thinking, I’ve been there before. It took me more than 2 years to forget someone, with both time and thousands of miles away to change that. You should understand that the harder for you to forget, means the more you like that person. What is given cannot be taken back, and if anyone rejects you because of that, that person does not deserve you, for he is only in pursuit of chastity and not love.

It’s a really nice thing to watch anyway, and the music is simply beautiful. I won’t say the leading actor for Ken is simply divine in terms of looks, but he did very well for his part. But I would really commend the actress, Nagasawa Masami for doing a brilliant job as Rei, I was so convinced that she was Rei herself. She made me like Rei as a person, and made me think that Ken is lucky to have such a great friend and love. I can’t find anything much to complain, save the hanging ending that got concluded by the special episode after that.

PS: Not a drama addict, but I really do like shows that make me share their emotions and gives me a lot of thought.

I guess that’s it for now.

Gundam 00 2nd Season

2008-09-30T21:16:00.004+09:30

Oh yea!! After months of waiting patiently for Code Geass 2 to end...finally last week my wishes were fufilled >0<
Now it is time for Gundam 00 to return to the stage and complete their mission: To wage war in persuit of peace.
Go Setsuna, Lockon, Hallelujah and Tieria!! Go Go Go!!

Suddenly I noticed that this is not subbed and probably people will be totally confused about what they're talking about. So I'm lets show something else that could clarify some of the confusion to those who have no idea about what this show is about....

I found this couple of months ago and it was hillarious!! This is how screwed up it could be if you're a anime producer.
Enjoy ^_^

Bitter...

2008-09-18T22:13:00.008+09:30

Was forced to eat humble pie today, not really happy about it.

This doesn't concern the conceited monkey stated previously, which I think would be an even bitter pill to swallow.

I used to think having the ability to read someone's mind was a powerful weapon, but now I would rather not read anyone's mind at all, especially hers.

Apparently I could now, and I've just seen something that just kicked me into senses and somehow as much as I want to be in denial like our dear Prime Minister, I have to take this in, listen to her rather than assume, and just accept this as a fact.

Seriously I'm not happy,

I'm not happy with the thing I just read.

I AM UPSET!!!

Can someone comfort me instead? Because I really don't know how to respond to this...and I need to do some work, sigh.

I've just lost my aim, my passion, my vengence and my anger all in one go. I have no reason to retialate and do what I intend to do four years after this. Which would sound like a good news for Weiqi, and all those people in support of him.

I was gravely mistaken.

In denial I am, but I will take this in deepest consideration.

Conscience guide me, for I shall need it in the days to come.

PS: I've always thought I was DSAI fighting against the oppression, instead, now I feel like oppression was from me instead.

Happy now?

Simple Update

2008-09-16T21:09:00.005+09:30

I've decided to annoy everyone with a freakishly gay latest photo of me that I'll be using soon for all my avatars.
I've finally have the capacity to tie a ponytail on the back of my head!! ^_^
Oh shit now I think my blog is turning into a Steven Lim junkyard.

After a 2 week hiatus, I think I should be updating some stuff just in case the moderators think I'm dead or what...touch wood.
Anyway a lot of stuff happened the couple of weeks I've been absent. A friend passed away, a birthday bash, a numerous thoughts, and maybe some weight gained. Damn, after since I've been having breakfasts I think my waistline's expanded a bit. I don't feel as inclined to wear that nice black tight long sleeved shirt that I usually do when I was THIN. Sigh.

Been learning how to play mahjong.

Anyway today's September 16th. Happy Malaysian Day!!
It's something to be happy about. Because:

Anwar's got the numbers to kick BN out.
Finally.
I'm quite fed up with the double standards, the insults and all the ridiculous things we had to put up with all my life. Even studying here has made me feel the same, all those JPA scholaships and Petronas-bonded gits here who are here free-loading makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, some are really nice, like my mother's friend's sister's niece (lol that's a long relationship.) Linda, she's been a pretty nice person helping me fit around and I really do find her a good fried to have with the pathetic amount of people I can say as friends in my hostel.
And they increased the rent!! Really inclined to move out now....gotta find somewhere decent for that soon, or they'll make me sign that crappy agreement in that short span of time.
Few weeks ago Mom's friend, the lady who owned a pastry shop few doors down came over for her daugther's graduation,(sorry Michele, I have a short term memory with names) and mom actually told her to send something over for my 21st B'day. Therefore I had to go and meet her and pick it up and to my surprise, what I got for my 21st, the one and only B'day that signifies my adulthood is this:

A Fossil Watch with a very interesting background intended to confuse idiots trying to read your watch without your permission.

It's not like what I expected, but mom, haven't you forgotten? I'm bad with watches!! The last watch I had dislocated itself due to the combination of sleazy maintenence and the extreme heat radiating from me. Besides, I've gotten used to rely on my handphone timer than a watch, also the fact that I'm left-handed, putting the watch on my left hand impedes my wrist movement.
But then again, thanks mom for a wonderful gift. Some people only had red-dyed eggs for their birthdays. I should be grateful.
Yet my sis thinks I got a super nice gift for my 21st. What did she get?? A freaking chain with a key-shaped thing in the middle! (That's what usually people get for their 21st B'day!) STFU plz then, I only got a watch, so don't try to compare!
Anyway I'm pissed about some guy who just can't take it when I say something about his friends. I simply cannot understand why someone would be upset about somebody saying something about people he knows. I know plenty of people talk about me behind my back, does anybody feel upset and start to defend me? I wouldn't even feel upset if somebody said something about my friends as well, because I don't have to accept what they say and if they're wrong, I'll correct them or just keep it in because I know how much they're worth, who cares about what they think?? Being upset about me saying things about you is maybe perhaps good sense, but being upset about others? I just don't understand.
Am I that bad of a person?

Because this isn't the 1st time it happened.

The last time was because I made some comment about his friends who acted crazy on front of the camera on facebook. I just said why does he look crazy, and its funny for me. And then he got pissed. I mean, what the hell is wrong with this? And this time, he got pissed because I saw him and his friends talking about this rape case that recently happened in HK and they were "discussing" if the girl was seemingly "consensual" with the accomplices. One of them had a clip and he showed it to us. I saw a few minutes and I was disgusted. Today I told it to my other friend about the case and his friend's actions and he was present and he claimed I was being "a person who wears coloured-lens for my glasses" for saying his friends showed porn on the univeristy comp. I was quite upset with it I walked away from him and ignored him for the whole day.
For the record, it is porn. An act of sexual intercourse display means it is a pornography material. Number two, why the hell would he keep a copy of this heinous clip and show it to us under the context of "being juries" and "analysing the clip for suspicious trails or clues." What makes him better off than me? As if he wouldn't beat off the clip. Number three, why would you be upset about this? Just because I said your friend showed porn? This is ridiculous!!
I'm through with this person. He's been a nitwit all the time I've known him. I've never been happy talking to him, and he leeches off the gang like a blood-sucking leech. He came to me because we're doing the same course, and he tries to fit in with me because I'm from Ipoh and his mom is around the district, bla bla bla. Then he just feeds off me and everyone by being friendly and a dork at the same time. He isn't competent in his studies, and is shockingly clueless about a lot of the fundamental knowledge in engineering or science. He recites math solutions, writes bad English and worse, is a very cheapskate person. We all have to look to him when we want to go out for meals. The bad part is, his family is well-off compared to all of ours. His mom owns a Porsche, his Dad works in the Philippines and his sister is married to some rich guy and he shows it to us on facebook where his sis would sit on a Merc SLK and drive with it....
He even told me the reason he wanted to study Aerospace is because he can go back and become a pilot for Cathay Pacific.
WTF
I sometimes think I'm too snobbish and try my best to help him as I know I'm an ass to some people sometimes and ask their favor and I get the same reaction. But he's been nothing kind to me and I'm quite fed up with him.
Look, I've just wasted a few hundred brain cells just being upset about this.

And I thought this was a lovely day.

Happy Birthday, Wei QI and KY!!!

2008-08-29T18:06:00.002+09:30
I know I know...I know what an ungrateful and heartless friend I hav been

Not only have I forgotten to wish my friend of almost 8 years Happy Birthday, I have also forgotten to wish the blogger who shares the same blog's authorship(sounds all the more heartless right) with me many happy returns for the year.....shame on me shame on me.

You can punish me next year when you both are back during summer la wakaka you can do nothing about it now haha.

Okay lah I promise to get both of you presents next yr.

Anyway reading your recent posts I realised you posted a piece of lyrics quite recently I'd just like to share with you another song I found very very meaningful. Call me emo call me mushy. The Song is......

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry

That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

Now I could never change you
I dont wanna blame you
Baby you dont have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all

It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

And theres no way home
When its late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
Theres a reason why people dont stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just aint enough.
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.

I even came across this kickass video on youtube which provides a little storyline to elucidate the lyrics.

Although Yui you can imagine yourself as the "she" in the story and she the vice versa :P

Seriously this song helped me through a lot. :) Hope you like it too.

P/s:-I've reopened my "OTHER" blog.....so you are welcome to post your dissatisfactions on me as a lousy friend there :P

My "Wild" Friend....

2008-08-12T23:40:00.005+09:30

No, this is not a late entry for Nuffnang's Wild Live Party...swt wtf I can't even attend it what for I do it wor... XD

This is a post dedicated to a special friend of mine, who I admit, has done a neat trick in surprising me with something quite extraodinary for my 21st B'day. I'd really like to blog about the celebrations I had but unfortunately I had not claimed my photos from the photographer-in-charge for that night. Perhaps a later post would do.

But this one, can't wait.

I sound as anxious as her sumo-sized bf. Though whatever I would do to her would be either counted as a direct copy with no sincerity or, would not be that much of a bombshell compared to even a call from her "darling" *ahem ahem ahem bueeeekkkk spits mucus* sorry, I have a sore throat. XD

This person ah, I dunno what to say already. But since she has a nickname, I'll use it to decribe her: Mrs. Kikshou

Now why do we wanna call her that? Simple, my good buddy Jordan Chan a.k.a Kikshou Leader of ST is her bf. Kikshou, as we all like to call him, always does very "kikshou" stuff, which means either it is nonsensical or just mind-boggling that either involves the idiocy of people or the adrenaline rush which will in turn, result in endless agony or eternal fame.

Me and My Bud Kikshou...

Now, I tried to fit into that gang but Kikshou always told me I would never fit in, citing reasons of holiness, divinity, or righteousness wtf. Instead, they made me their sworn "enemy" or in better words, their antithesis of their existence, and gave me the title of "God Of Justice"

-________________________________________-

Eventually, I was never a part of the Gang, but was somehow accepted into it and are friends with most of them, usually I wonder if they were there just to "layan" their leader or being plain nice. Honestly, even though Kikshou Gang sounds notorious, they're a bunch of intelligent, funny bunch of people who share the common interest in doing seemingly reckless stuff just for the sake of youth. I usually laugh at their antiques rather than apprehend them, and wondered if anyone could tame the might of their inspirational leader....

In fact, that is where Mrs. Kikshou came in....

Mrs. Kikshou is not you average AMC, attractive, super hot, sweet, popular or even cute type you'd expect from the hordes of girls they have there. In fact, I wouldn't say that she was even in my radar of any potential material, probably the most I would do is to make sure the person underneath the skirt is ball-less and wiener-free. But to be amused is that I got to know her in a very "gay" atmosphere, which was in the choir auditions. I've always been invited to join the choir due to the encouragement of Kikshou, surprisingly a member of this seemingly "gay" club. Eventually we got in and had to work together by layering, toning, and even expressing in competitions. Remember what Nai Woon thought us? Smile....... XD I still can't forget those raised eyebrows and seemingly frightening expressions that were supposedly useful we had to do....and those crazy exercises Kar Kit made us do...omg...

Choir...bittersweet memories

Though not everything was rosy and peachy in choir, she was one of those people I would greet or tease whenever I come across. She was never in my bad books, though I've mentioned time and time again her proximity with my sworn enemy has caused me serious unease. But I've maintained the fact that I she is still my friend, and she does not deserve that treatment.

In fact, when I started to blog, she was one of the 1st people ever to come across my blog and comment about it. She read those poems, unrelenting heartaches, sadness and darkness looming over me, she was there, along with several people, who knew I was depressed and silent. Eventually things was not able to alter in time and I ended up crushed, defeated, and humiliated.

Then again, she didn't shun me like the rest of them, who played to his good books since he was victorious. It made me feel that she was indeed, a rare person to come across in my life which I know I could rely on. Talking to her isn't much of a pressure, though she would spurt in tauntrums and sulks when you annoy her. The nick I gave her (was it COBBOLD-weiqi??) was the best shot I could do to her and it made her sulk and sulk to my amusement. I should've known, we're from the same starsign. She would in turn, tease me of my past, talk about the good ol' days, dig about Kikshou's past(sorry bro, she's sooooo pushy) and would also make me feel annoyed by her insistance that "she" was a total bitch that would rot in hell and I was better off without her. She was as hard as I was, only more sweeter and innocent on the outside.

To mention about her relationship with Kikshou, I would claim to have not involved in anything relating to it. In fact, it caught me by surprise when it happened. I've always expected Kikshou to find someone to what he had told me that was "Kikshou" standard. To my experiance, Mrs. Kikshou seemed way out of the league. But, I guess beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder; she might not be the best-looking chick, or the hottest thing you'd see burning asphalt on the road. But she'd make you melt with her genuine sincerity and friendliness, and I guess, is what Kikshou was looking for. I had nothing but praise and approval in their relationship and pray that it lasts as destiny awaits.

The Kikshou Standard XD

As a result of their relationship, Kikshou mellowed down and behaved much more sensibly, and directed his bubbling spontaneity towards more useful purposes. Their victory in the Drama Competition is well-deserved and he was the star of their show. Mrs. Kikshou in turn, turned ever the kikshou-er since their were together, and things went rosy from then on. Both of them did reasonably well in their exams and each received decent offers for their future.

Whilst both of them are apart now, but they've made the effort to keep the embers from going out. There were times where she had doubt and he had doubts but I know that it would last, lest one of them decides to cheat, which will result in me going back to strangle the cheating partner and skin them alive to hang like a piece of roast pork.

Emmm...roast pork....

I've no gift to give you my dear friend. But my blessings and the hope that you'll forgive me for all the problems and white hairs I've made you grown for listening to all my rantings. (Maybe a voucher for Y**nan haircare would do?). Hmm....

If you're not happy with it, it's ok. I guess I owe you a meal then. We'll see what can be done and I'll make it up to you ok?

Aiya give face lah! I've never even dedicated a post to her leh... not even to anyone before... so this is my first time *shy shy* give to you already...haiz...

20 liao lo...one more year can join me in jail XD

Anyway, hApPy 20th BiRtHdAy wEiQi!! Good tidings in all your endeavours and future undertakings....remember to pick me as your best man in your wedding leh...best lady also can I'll wear a dress wtf...=.=

I'll give you guys a big big angpow...that is, if he is willing to marry u ler...XD

That's all for now my "Liar" Zi Mui....remember to say thank you wor....

Bus Blues...

2008-08-05T23:29:00.002+09:30
Upset.

I simply cannot stand the buses here.

They either come too early and zoom off before you can chase them down no matter how fast you run, or, they just come soooooo late that you either miss your lecture or anything, and usually it happens at the worst possible moment.

Guess what, today, I lost my temper and I was so upset about it that i decided to blog about it.

I was waiting after my grocery shopping, getting the normal rations like juices, fruits and milk, (yes, since Jamie Oliver's show about Eat to Save Your Life, I haven't done anything sinful like having junk food or crap at a consistant rate, will blog about this, given time.) I was rushing to get back to my lodge to grab my dinner at the ground floor canteen(yes, my accomodation fortunately provides dinner for me at a reasonable rate, that is why I'm desperate to grab it) and I hoped that it would come at the specified time it was required to do so.

The buses here follow a rigid schedule, and we are provided brochures that contain the specific times they are supposed to arrive at a stop. Usually I would give it a plus or minus 5 minute gap, most of the buses would appear by then. I would just forget about it and just say that it might be a slight delay.

Unfortunately, this bus that I was soooo desperate to get on was 40 minutes late!!! Not only I was waiting, the whole stop started to fill up with people and everybody got confused with the situation. I started to look at my time anxiously, and wishing that I would make the 7.30pm deadline. When the bus arrived it was soooo f**king late that I was speechless about its ridiculous arrival time, and...

Surprise surprise!! Another bus of the same route followed behind it!!!!

OMFG...it got sooo late that the next bus after it was right behind it!!!

Normally under good weather and plenty of time, I would happily trek through the streets and walk the 3km route back myself in half and hour, at this rate I would've reached by then!!!

Everybody was upset but nobody had the guts to tell the driver how late he was. With all the heavy baggage I had to stand it that cramped bus with effort to keep all the stuff secure lest it hits the other passengers...it was sooo humiliating and awkward, nonetheless having a pretty chick facing me on the bus was rubbing salt into the wound. I guess the fact that she was on the bus made things better, not much but better. LOL

Previous cases of such incidents occured, and yet the drivers responded with regret or remorse and sometimes even offered the rides free as the result of the delay. I wouldn't have wished for it, to a certain extent, but I would've hoped for an apology. This is too much!!

Needless to say I missed the dinner and sat at my own room feeling pissed and hungry.

I screamed at my mom for that, I screamed at my sis for that, heck I even screamed at my friends about that too. I've had enough of being pushed around. I was upset, and hungry, and lonely.

I've made my replacement meal and had myself think over it. Situation solved, but I'm not happy with it. Hopefully tomorrow's another day and I'll have more positive stuff to look forward for my birthday this Saturday.

Coming soon...

2008-08-03T23:31:00.002+09:30
A couple more days, and something is going to happen.

Yes, it's my 21st birthday.

I have gone a long way since then. I've always wondered since I was young how I would feel getting there, and where I would be at that time.

Now, I'm days away from reaching adulthood.

Honestly, I don't feel anything at all, but this should be a big deal!

I was applying for my working visa last month and my counsellor noticed it and asked me if I would be celebrating the occasion. I wondered if I would. We'll see how it goes.

I have to stop writing because I have a rectum irritation and I feel the need to answer the call of nature XD I know this is disgusting but wahay! That's just me.

Food For Thought

2008-07-24T01:44:00.004+09:30

A few days ago I had too much time for myself that I did some Googling on the net.

I had this peculiar feeling that I can find things by typing names on Google just for fun.

As usual, it started with some kind of idea I myself had and then I tried it out after months of thinking about it and then procrasinating about it. However, in the spur of the moment I just typed something and the result came out was quite surprising.

I used of course names of people I knew, and then at a sudden, I felt like typing his name. And the result Google gave me was quite surprising.

It gave me this:
blogging life Let’s save out world together! Posted by Jack Lim Wei Li at 12:21 PM 1 comments .... About Me. Jack Lim Wei Li. View my complete profile.weili88-jack.blogspot.com/ - 51k - Cached - Similar pages

Then again, there's too many people using that name. Heck, even Weiqi has a one alphabet difference. I did joke about that to her: " One alphabet is all it takes for me to smile at or punch you." I didn't know how she took it. But as I said, it's a joke. If I wanted to punch him I would've done so long ago. I did nothing then, remember? I just sat there like an idiot, did nothing but just made myself even more miserable needlessly.

To me, blogs are like public diaries that allow people to voice their opinions, views and even sometimes, things that we don't really feel like saying to people we would want them to know. That is why we have nicknames, or IDs that try to anonymize us from being identified immediately. Somehow it sounds seditious to talk behind people's backs but it would be better if we spoke out and find an outlet rather than penting it all up inside until we go crazy. Regardless on how shitty that person is, we let the public decide. I present the arguements, people decide.

I read a lot of people's blogs, and I'm not ashamed to publish mine. I'm not proud of myself having to write out everything like that, sometimes to the extent of it being so uninteresting and lame that I feel a need to change. But I'm really proud to say that I have not lied to myself or made any malicious remarks without proof. Whatever I have said have been true to the emotions and facts I have in that period of time. Things may change later on, but blogs are things that happen at the spur of the moment. You can't just keep updating it like:

So-and-So is an A**e**le(23/7/08) 12pm

then,

Update: So-and-So is more than an A**e**le(23/7/08) 3pm

Then, Update 2: So-and-So is an A**e**le, but he sent me flowers.(24/7/08) 8am

then...

Update 3: So-And-So is no longer an A**e**le...I lup him sooooooo much....muaxxxxx(24/7/08) 10pm....

-___________________________________________-

This is my emoticon for wu-liao-ness.
Can you imagine a person updating herself again and again? Well if he annoys her again it's going to be
So-and-So is an A**e**le(25/7/08) 12pm
all over again

Therefore do not question my thoughts after that. Views of people change after time. Even I don't agree with myself sometimes. Maybe I should comment myself later.
I love reading blogs. Each person has a different agenda. Some love to write about things they do everyday, like a diary.

Some would go somewhere interesting and blog about it. The pictures and their experiences are more more valuable than those travel guides shown on TV. I didn't even know about places like Krabi, or those New Zealand isles Kenny visited until i read about them. Somehow I felt like I went travelling with them. Somehow I felt I knew more about the world. Yet people ask me why I seem so knowledgable, I can say blogging and reading them really do help.

I love those who blog about food, especially those who call themselves floggers(food-bloggers). They would take pictures they always look appetizing, and yet, still complain how bad it is. Or, they would rave about it so much that they would back it up with other blogs. Somehow watching those posts about things I've eaten before or I wouldn't have dared to try myself would cheer me up more than the food here could.
Anyhow, blogs aren't as felicitious as what the corrupt government say it is. Not all, at least.

Reading his blog, I had hoped to at least read his thoughts or even have any hint of anything on his mind at the very least. I don't always brand people as they are and not change my thinking at all. I do give chances for people to change and I do try to reason people out no matter what they did to me. Unfortunately I found nothing. Things he wrote showed only the trained essays students used to do, and I don't mean to demean it, it looked rather lifeless and not lively at all. Perhaps I do still wear a certain tint in my glasses while reading it. Or maybe it is so.

I even googled myself, and even her to see if my luck would work as well. Unfortunately both of us share the same thing. We, unlike him, would not publish our name so publicly on domains or accounts. Therefore finding myself is virtually impossible, though i might not be so sure since anything might happen in those last few pages I did not scrutinize. Neither could I look for traces of her, probably getting to read her blog too, to no avail. Though she doesn't seem like a person who would blog, then again, I withold those doubts until proven.

There's this song that I've always had in my MP3 player regardless of any situation, and every time I hear it i get goosebumps, and the lyrics have made me cried, and it still does. Its one of those songs that never dies in my heart, and reflects it so clearly.

Have You Ever-S Club 7
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

I did feel like my eyes welled up with tears again playing that song just now. Some people won't understand it at all and would just be annoyed at me for writing this post. Then again, I don't expect anybody to, because like I said, this is my outlet. Comments are just icings on a cake.

Gundam's Review

2008-07-16T01:10:00.011+09:30

A few months ago when I was still brooding and feeling kind of upset with matters in the past, and the fact that my friends weren’t my friends, or shall I say I do not share similar interests with, I had only to stick with them to avoid the moments of loneliness which would in turn cause a chain reaction of reminiscence of anything I had before. I’ve always felt like I had a different world and view from them.

Some of them treat girls as if they couldn’t live without them. I’ve known two that would be so glued to their hand phones and spent hundreds on payphones and phone cards just to call back and talk to their sweethearts. It was kind of unnerving at 1st when they would be surprised that I wasn’t attached, and kept doing all sorts of stuff like matchmaking and me becoming the butt of all jokes whenever I get too close to someone from another gender. But then again, they kept me company, and I saw the other side of something. I saw, the backstage of relationships, the sweat, the toil, the agony, and the happiness emitting from them even when times are tough and they know somebody will be right there beside them.

Some of them treat games or anything tech-related as if it’s a habitual nature or a part of them. Somehow they try their best to promote goodies and also help out in several tech-related problems even I had problems solving after more than a year working in the computer lab. Honestly I wasn’t very good with computers at all. I simply understood the requirement of situations when nobody noticed. After a semester of Engineering Computing, I felt I knew very little, even scripting for me was hard. I’m glad I left MMU for I knew if I had gone through Software Engineering and Games Design for another semester; I would be dead by then. They gave hints, tricks and an arsenal of games I would never even consider trying of even look at them if not for their coaxing and encouragement. I learnt too much from them, probably became too reliant on them sometimes I seem more like a follower than somebody who lead or do things at 1st. I probably would shoot better now after rounds of Call of Duty than I ever were in CS during my days being badly bloodied in IMAX. But then again, I admit it took too much time out of my studies that it affected it badly. I would probably cut down a lot of it and focus more on work. Btw, mom, I’ve done badly for my Maths. Probably even Statics which I believe would probably fail without even looking at it. The other two, surprisingly two of my most feared subjects, passed.

Not even a distinction, not even a credit.

Two measly passes. One failed. One more obviously a fail, need I say more?

Is that what I set out to achieve?

Is this the kind of results that would bring that stinking son-of-a-bitch to his knees and make his life so miserable that he would rather die than live?

Btw, I have not forgiven him, nor will I ever do.

I probably would be quite happy to say that I have done nothing but failed myself miserably and just proved everybody right again.

I, am a stinking useless dingbat who is better of sweeping floors or licking boots than being a real person who can in turn change the world of its norms and set things right again.

I don’t believe in the fact that the world is unfair.

I don’t believe that the world is cruel and you have to accept it.

I don’t believe in karma, or even the presence of divinity. Two thousand years of belief doesn’t make it any more solid than one that has just come out not long ago.

In fact, humans don’t need religion. They just need hope.

Why do you pray? To get hope.

You hope some big guy up there would set things right for you. You HOPE.

You find reasons and equate them to the greatness of such powers to that big guy. You HOPED for a reason and an answer.

Like I’ve said before, it is one of the world’s most powerful psychological weapons. Too powerful in fact, it transcends even the basic divide of race, gender and even nationality. As long as you share faith and belief, you’re in.

Somehow this doesn’t even get straight through religion itself.

Division of religions, yet sharing similar beliefs: monotheism, equality, freedom, justice of all people..

They all share the same purpose, why divide us all?

Is there such a thing as my God is bigger than yours?

The only power God has is the power of faith from us.

Look at polytheism. Nobody is freaking out since they are still supposedly there and maybe holding a lightning bolt and stabbing it on us to demand tribute. It would seem weird since all of them are Gods, why can’t they just descend down and just destroy stuff and make people so scared of them that they would worship them again? Aren’t they supposed to do that? Even Incans and Mayans sacrifice even more people when they see something is wrong. Something must be wrong there.

Well, since the concept of monotheism makes it more interesting. Well yeah, maybe that pagan big guy needs to go through bureaucracy and ask his other counterpart to send locusts to the people and that just goes on delay, like you know, normal red-tape does. Now, you’ve got this guy that has the power to control things and doesn’t have to go through anything at all. He does as he likes. And people like this concept. Hmm, sounds a bit dictator-ish to me, but then again, hmm, shows how popular this concept is.

Looks like democracy is more towards polytheism then, really, something sounds wrong here.

Yes there is. I’m supposed to talk about something.

Wow, one bastard can make me rant about something totally not related to what I’ve decided after god –know-why-I-need-so-much-time-to-compose-a-blog.

He must be that such a thorn to my ass that I can use him as a topic for two good years, and counting.

He must be so proud.

Maybe he would claim royalty for using him as reference and even copyright his image. He should.

Tell him about that, Weiqi.

Ok now, back to business.

Now, besides girls and gadgets, there are also a few who are obsessed with manga or anime. Face it.

My parents are people who do not encourage the publication of visual reading, and the popular culture. They have in fact, successfully shielded me from all external influences for my whole life that I have become helplessly ignorant of this culture not until several years ago. I’ve long quitted reading comics after I laid my hands on the 1st few Enid Blyton books and have found them, astonishingly spiffed. (Imagine me using British accent here) Not that I have reverted back to reading comics now, but I have, been coaxed to watch animes that they claim to be so godly that if one has not watched it they should knock themselves off and say that they have not lived the late-20th century properly. I however am such abomination in their eyes that they are distraught of such an existence. Nonetheless I have made myself very flexible and accommodating, picking up stuff and even embracing different culture uncommon to mine.

Honestly, I do watch anime. I’ve watched Honey and Clover so loyally that I’ve branded myself as one of the main characters, Takemoto. I do share his beliefs, and I do see myself in him. Only the fact that I can’t cycle and he does that makes us different. If not, I would be a living, breathing creature that just came out of the anime.

But that’s an anime that not many people worship or think as a cornerstone to new heights. The following anime I’m about to share is. It has so many series that no anime in the world, not even Dragon Ball, can beat its volumes. It’s also to me the symbol of modeling figures, and no model figure collector is complete without it. Even girls have it. ZOMFG

But fortunately, I have been exposed to the latest version of it, having it in HD series and the 1st of its kind in history. It made me very pleased to watch and embrace its concept.

The Gundam 00 series.

You can refer to its synopsis, details, everything through this link here, here and here. I hate to go though anything and bore anyone who might have watched it. It might not be the most accurate, but it’s credibility is serves its purpose than people who rather grasp upon their own beliefs than even think of the fact that only cited references are taken into account rather than their own silly ideas. I have been insulted, sullied and harassed by people who only believe that they’re right and if there is no cited reference they would go ahead with anything without regard that doing presentations or assignments or thesis needing good reference, and that their ideas count to nothing if there is no cited references backing them up.

1st scene...saved by a Gundam

Great detail input.

Maybe it works in your place. But not mine. My university isn’t what you think, shitty and unqualified.

Maybe I should just stay away from your professional university and just be ashamed I’ve come so far to study in a shitty place whereas yours is the most prestigious(is you think so) university and whatever they believe is true. Then I’m so f**king sorry I will never touch your field again.
There’s that. Another blog post inserted and done. Saves me the purpose of writing another one.

Now, let’s go back again to my main purpose of writing this post.

Solar Generators or whatever they're called, converts light energy from the Sun.

The idea of having a world where it is splintered into three major factions: Human-Reform League, AEU, and Union is very convincing. I would not doubt the flavor of this series as it presses upon matters which our real world is heading towards. Energy has been a major source of strife and discord that they all had to share power generators so high up to the sky that nations unite just to share three of these major pillars. Thus these 3 major factions empower themselves over the pillars and made necessary measures to conserve their importance. Nations were forced to ally with them in order to receive a share of such energy. Technology was advance to the stage where space warfare was possible and mobile suits, were created and researched to maintain their supremacy and dominance over other factions, or so they believe.

1st Mission: Military Intervention
Overpowering a Flag Fighter of the Union

Wars ravaged through these factions over petty squabbles. Eventually, out of nowhere, a strange mobile suit appeared out of nowhere and signaled hostility towards a simple military test. After the incident, they were revealed as a faction called the Celestial Beings, a faction bent on keeping the peace by any means necessary, even through war. The faction was shunned and condemned and yet could not be dealt with as traces were vague or undetectable. Unfortunately, they also boasted technology far superior than the long regarded technologically-advanced Union, whose Flag Mobile Suit’s function pales in comparison than the Mobile Suits of CB.

Main Character of the Series: Setsuna F. Seiei

As nations watch actions by this mysterious faction, each faction set different stances towards them. Union and AEU showed neutrality at 1st, while HRL showed unrelenting hostility. However, all three factions showed interest in capturing at least one of the Gundams (as they are called) for their own plans. Things went perfectly well at 1st, with all Meisters (or pilots) showing professional and calm composure over missions handed to them. After that, things start to get out of hand as these pilots, especially one of them code-named Setsuna F. Seiei, a 16-year-old from the Middle East, showed immaturity in his actions on the field, sometimes even jeopardizing the mission itself. He was often disciplined for his actions, but it seemed that he was the only one among them really bent on creating peace and holding on to the faction’s vision. As a young militant, he was often depicted showing his past, and due to the fact that he was rescued by a Gundam in a battle, he set out to be one himself. A symbol of peace.

GN-001 Exia

GN-005 Virtue Virtue's Pilot: Tiera Erde

His teammates question his maturity and his actions frequently. But as things went on, each of them had their own glitches and even the most devout of them, Tieria who pilots the mysterious GN-004 Virtue, who looks super ugly with its somehow fat appearance, was forced to reveal his secret weapon in the midst of being eliminated in combat, that is beneath the GN-005 Virtue armor, the other GN-004 Nadleeh was assembled discreetly. So ashamed in fact, he wept after the battle, and claiming himself unfit to be a Gundam Meister.

GN-004 Nadleeh after the dissembling of GN-005 Virtue

Nadleeh's Ultimate: Trial System. The Punisher of all Gundams linked to Veda

GN-003 Kyrios

Allelujah's Dual Personality Image: Hallelujah

All four pilots of the Gundams came from different backgrounds. Allelujah Haptism, Meister of GN-003 Kyrios, was a former Super-Soldier test subject of the HRL being abandoned after failing tests. He showed dual personality traits that in turn affected his battle performance. His brainwaves also affected by another super soldier in the HRL made things worse, causing him to be vulnerable on several occasions. He was also the only Meister to have allowed his Gundam to be abducted, fortunately able to escape later that.

GN-002 DynamesPilot: Lockon Stratos

Dynames' cockpit with Haro (AI)

Lockon Stratos, who pilots the GN-002 Dynames, seemed fitting as he is a sniper and his MS is made to snipe, is a victim of a terrorist act. He showed irrational behavior having met the one person who caused the death of his parents on the battlefield. He even threatened to kill Setsuna when he found out that Setsuna was a former member of the terrorist cell who caused the terror act. He seemed the eldest of the lot, was the only person to gain full respect of all three other Meisters without dissent.

Anger and Desperation for revenge

30 GN Drives in the North Pole??

Situation went more and more complicated when factions used them to serve their own political purposes and sometimes even working together in order to get all the Gundams into captivity.
This introduced three other new Gundams, who also claim that they serve the factions’ purposes and yet did not wish to be aligned with the original lot. These Gundam Thrones, Eins, Zwei and Drei (One, Two, Three in German) were later found out to have engines different to the original Solar Furnace that powers the original four Gundams. Even worse, the three of them all, brothers and sisters, called the Trinity, showed ruthlessness sometimes even brutality in their missions, to the extent of Drei firing at a local wedding function for no apparent reason at all. This caused Setsuna, who pilots the GN-001 Exia to charge forward and attack them alone on basis that they were causing strife and discord to the world. It seemed that both parties were going to kill each other soon enough until the discovery of Solar Furnaces by the Earth Factions, who under mysterious intelligence offered, received 10 furnaces for each faction. The situation has now changed. Now all of them are equally advanced, with the Earth Factions having the numbers and the intelligence, Celestial Being’s secrecy was also compromised.

Gundam Thrones in action

Gundam Throne Eins

Gundam Throne Zwei

Gundam Throne Drei

With the GN-X, Earth's Factions could finally match the Gundams

Attacks were launched upon their flagship, Ptolemaios, while Trinity suffered defeats on Earth, finally crushed when Zwei was hijacked by a mercenary, who was also the ex-leader of the terrorist faction who killed Lockon’s parents and Setsuna’s former leader, and destroying Eins in the process. As he was just about to defeat Drei as well, Exia burst into the scene and was also soundly defeated.

Trans-Am System in usage by Exia
At the brink of defeat, All four Gundams were allowed to utilize their final weapon, the Trans-Am burst system, where Exia got away with a comeback victory, and Drei saved. Their faction however, was completely compromised and later suffered even further setbacks as 30 GN-X MS from Earth’s Factions attacked wave after wave.

GN-X ready for assault

Exia being pinned by two GN-X in assault on Ptolemaios

Lockon fell 1st. Bent on revenge, he did his final action by destroying Zwei while dying in the process (or so believed) Tieria was upset as Lockon was hurt in the previous battle because of him and he felt guilty for not being there to help or repay the deed. Setsuna too, had problems with himself as he does not see the end of the tunnel, other than being destroyed in the process. In the expense of peace and unity, they made themselves scapegoats for all nations to attack and share a common enemy. Allelujah, was getting more and more concerned as his dual personality has gotten the better of him and sometimes even taking over himself and lose control.

Allelujah finally comes to terms with Hallelujah
Exia going all out on Alvatore, the mystery GN Armor
Eventually, there were three left and they were forced to fight a final battle where another strange ship appeared and escorted by the Earth Faction and dealt serious damage upon them. Ptolemaios was finally destroyed with three of its crew members dead, while Kyrios and Nadleeh were badly damaged. Exia was entrusted with the mission to assault the ship which later revealed the snitch to all their demise. It goes as in the end both sides were badly beaten and all four Gundams were destroyed. Earth was united under the United Nations with a Earth Peacekeeping Force to replace all military organizations and finally accepted world peace.

Kyrios in a badly damaged state, hiding from enemies

Exia's final battle with Custom Flag Fighter
Ptolemaios' crew

Survivors escaping from the attack

Surprisingly, here’s the twist.

This is only the 1st part of the series.

The second part is out in October.

I can’t wait.

Honestly, I don’t care if you guys don’t understand or disagree with whatever I wrote. Just go watch the thing yourself and think it in whatever view you’re comfortable with. I do not have the so-called professionalism, nor the responsibility to provide accurate, reliable information, as this is a crudely –made public diary which stores all my mindless rantings. Simply fcuk off if you have a problem or difficulty enjoying this post or other previous as well as future postings.

Nobody forced you to read.

Nobody bothers if you read it.

Nobody cares if you agree with it or not.

That’s it. My post about Gundam 00 done.

Any questions?

PS: This is a really long post. Then again, when do I ever not long-post? This might be a start to a takemoto-style blogging trend ^^ muahahaha…

PPS: I would like to extend my gratitude for all the pictures I took from other blogsites, I have linked several whom I think would provide better explaination than what I may do here. I apologize for any untoward circumstances and will not take responsability for anything involved. If there's a complaint on the usage of pictures and stuff please tell me and I will immediately remove it. However. Any comments are always welcomed.

Abrupt Transmission

2008-06-19T04:55:00.005+09:30

Honestly, the previous post caught me off guard.

My 1st reaction was

OMFG

Felt like writing for days but no mood. Apparently exams are coming soon so it would seem smart to study than to write. Then again, I don't think I made much progress. Therefore, writing won't hurt much.

I cannot understand why, whenever my friends are around I just can't study. But apparently with them all either away or catching up on sleep I immediately do thousands of times better with them.
With music, the reaction increases. Can you believe that? One song that i just downloaded of the net could stimulate my mind and make it understand Statics which a few days ago I have no idea what I was doing.
Either L'arc-en-Ciel are good stimulants, or I'm just easily stimulated by music.

Therefore I'm forcing myself to download anything at random and see how I react.

Hoho, I feel refreshed!! Music really cures me more than all the crap food we go to makan everyday!!

That's it, I can declare myself somebody who cannot live without music.

Screw food. Music is my food. Oh no, can't say that i've been making myself eat stuff while watching food blogs like Motormouth From Ipoh and Ipoh Mali. I really miss home T.T, ahem i mean the food.

Maybe Jesse.

Beware, she looks innocent but she's a cunning dog who sheds crocodile tears XD

Siapa kata she fat hah?!
It's no wonder i get thinner and thinner. I've been feeding on music!

Read a post from Kenny Sia about his trip to Bali. I can't believe Bali is somewhere u can get pork. That Babi Guling Ibu Oka is so appetizing...zomfg i've always wanted to go to Bali once. Regardless of whether i would be bombed. Who cares anyway kena bomb ma bomb lo wtf.

I see this pic i adi wanna try...T.T

But then again Japan is another good idea. New Zealand also not bad. Or Europe! Swt my family now recession la...aish.

Ok la go back to studies. Maybe after the exams i'll be posting on several stuff i've delayed due to lack of photos or the blogger himself takde patience finish it.

Anyway it's just a reason for me to gtg.

PS: Munkey, please identify urself wor. Sked alot of people weih, haha.

PPS: Pray hard for me mom, coz i really dun think i'm in a good position now.

Sorry...

Yui out.

Rude Invasion

2008-06-17T08:09:00.003+09:30
I know this is abrupt.

I haven't even properly introduced myself.

But then.

I had this urgent well, urge to rant. So, here we are, me typing out my rants, you reading the rants of a complete stranger while thinking who the f*** is this???

Ever wished you had the ability to read other people's minds? Ever wished that humans could be less complicated than evolution made us to be??
Ever wished there were no such things as standards set by the society??
Ever wished you could just bash someone in the head, dig out his/her brains, scrutinise every neuron carefully--a process which seemed to be less complicated than trying to guess what's going on inside instead???

Well, come find moi, and togetehr we can devise plans on how to dissect other people's skulls and brains without getting jailed by laws(none other than the results society's standards again)

Just stop fucking with my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!STOP IT!!!!LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!
Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*takes deep breath*

Okay that's all I wanna say.

:) its a beautiful day, beautiful world, with beautiful people. :)

Thats all.

Equations

2008-06-12T22:19:00.003+09:30

Exam mood...so this is a short post.

So upset i'm not doing what i'm supposed to do that whole semester. Slacking and stuff. It would take a miracle to pass everything right now. Sigh.

See mom? I'm studying now.

This is Maths.

Chemistry. (Even though I'm only going to do Materials next sem wtf)

Statistics(Dunno why, also not my subject, but study interest ma... :p )

Electrical and Electronic Engineering(nah...something more to what I study).

See, I even write my aims. Am so pumped up to do work now..^^

Bwahahahahaha...funny leh! Got this email from someone, it's soooooo true.
Ok back to studies. IF not kena supplementary exam I die ler... T.T

I love My Beanie!!!

2008-05-28T22:51:00.005+09:30

Dunno what's wrong with people nowadays...

Recently bought a beanie from a trip during mid-sem break. (Yes, i had the guts to move around even though most people are catching up on their studies during that period of time.) I thought it looked okay so i bought it as a souvenier and the only hat that I could look good wearing on.

Since then, I wore it on days where it was abit chilly, or when I had woke up late and my hair was going all over the place, and the easiest and most viable solution was to wear the beanie.

Me in my beanie=Terrorist??

Swt wtf, I wished my wild hair would turn into something like this instead, then I wouldn't be wearing anything at all.

Usually it turns out like this....

Now now, don't panic. That's just me after a shower. Thought I'd scare you guys. Haha XD
Isn't that terrifying?
That makes me a "terror-ist" then XD
Seriously, i've just jeapordized any potential partners with this pic, though wth. It's me, hate me, f*** off.

So now, Desmond who is my coursemate suddenly said to me that I looked like a terrorist with that beanie on. Now being someone from China, I couldn't blame him, probably he never even seen a terrorist before, well if the Tibetians and Taiwanese aren't counted, maybe he didn't, but you can say i was abit annoyed with that.

WHY WHY WHY must I be equated to a Terrorist?

Me the smiling terror-ist...me smiling terrifies everyone....

It's not like I look like one, do I look like one?

Eh...you are a LWL supporter...I bomb u later i tell u ha!

If you don't know how a terrorist looks like, then this is a good guideline.

The epitome of terrorism...OBL

Or even this.

Or even this....

Sorry Suet Li mempergunakan you again...XD (She doesn't even know me and I'm using her as reference twice...) I'm so dead.

Anyhow, it's just a stupid outburst. How can a nice little beanie make me one of the most dangerous man on Earth?

Me planning a terror plot...to consume all siew yoke at BBQ restaurant!!!

Might as well go tie a bomb on my waist and walk around shouting "Allahuakhbar!" (God Is Great in Arabic) and go kapoof like Worms.

It's just bothers me.

Wouldn't you?

About A, B, AB and O Blood types...

2008-05-07T22:46:00.011+09:30

Was on the way making my own post before a rare email from Chocolate popped up and I suddenly thought that this would make an interesting post...well since Weiqi complain i try to copy our dear Suet Li, T.T (PS sorry Suet Li if u marah dun sue me...i got no money) XD

I would like to present the pictures 1st and let them speak for themselves...

Honestly, if I knew where this came from, I would totally do a reference list and give credits to the original contributorm but since this is something that came to me from an email, I'll have to apologize if i've infringed any copyrights at all.
Now the thing with blood types is not only about the difference in the rhesus or the A or B antigens present in your haemogloblin. It has also become a part where girls try to peek at your medical books to try and see what kind of person you are by their web-generated or magazine-related tests(I know all those women or pop mags usually have something like this to fill their pages with more crap, like that magazine my sister worked for XD) I myself was once addicted to it because i tried so hard to explain to myself why she was like that. Talk about irony, I did peek at her medical records, so apparently the only thing I lacked was her T.O.B(time of brith) if not i would've plotted a whole love chart just to see what happens...hmm...omg i'm saying something that sounds so wrong and sick, but hey, who wouldn't do that when you're somehow obsessed with someone?
Oh well, that was last time, even if i had it now I wouldn't be bothered by it at all. Would I?
Say that u're not obssesed with her anymore, say it!

........

This reminds me of something my mom and I always teased each other(okay, another proof of me being gay, i'm very close to my mom and I talk to her like my friend, c'mon, brand me a gay!) That she always claimed that me and my siblings are so unlike her was due to the fact that all of us were not of the same blood type as her. Due to the fact that my mom believes that her husband, a.k.a. my Dad is some kind of a slob(I think he's like Homer Simpson, but does Homer have B blood?) and similliarly, we show slob-like traits. That she blames both the genetic dominance of my dad, and also the blood type we share with him.
She usually equates B-blood to BODOH. Which literally means "stupid" in Malay.
Just because B is for Bodoh.
She usually say like that: " You all B-Blood punya...haiz...tak boleh harap." (Translation: All of you that have B-Blood Type are all unreliable")
Therefore I rebutted by telling her that in the word "BODOH" there are 2 O's. By definition of weightage in maths, O has more weightage on the word "bOdOh". Therefore, those who are O-blooded should be more likely bOdOh. XD
Therefore i usually call her bOdOh woman, since she was "bOdOh" enough to marry my B-blooded -slob-like dad and keeps complaining to me about this.
Talk about rudeness, but she doesn't really mind, since I told her I was also a product of her bOdOhness, therefore I am entitled to conduct some extremely BOdOh actions, oh don't make me mention them again, you know the roll call.
That means everyone of us in the family are BOdOh... T.T
My mom has even told me that she's really looking forward which girl who would be so BOdOh enough to marry me and join the BOdOh family...But honestly, would I even consider anyone now? I'm even fit to have a girl at all...let alone maintain a relationship.
I think that is why I've never bothered to start something new with anyone, and that causes the misunderstanding of me seemingly "waiting".
As a result of my waiting, I've let four potentially good matches away. 2 back then during last year and 2 more right here. Eventually 3 of them hooked up. Two of them just recently.
Both of them asked for my opinion towards their new partner and it reminded me about something I did previously. Where I was asked my views of a piece of crap.
Indefinitely, I said:"He's not the type of guy that you would see having long-term relationships, besides, if you're unsure or having someone taken away, why not stay single? It's not like you cannot live without love." I said that. Even though I should've said something else to launch myself forward.

Did it make a difference? She still went ahead and got her butt kicked.

Therefore, my new answer was:" As long as you feel that he's the one, what does my opinion matter? You're just asking to reassure yourself if you've made the right decision. Only you know the answer whether he's right. What I think may not be what you think. But since you've made the decision to accept him, it's your responsability. Besides, this is the point of dating, getting to know each other. But no matter what happens, good luck and congratulations."
See? I did learn from my past mistakes.

I don't go bad-mouth even crap, I should let women find out if they are crap.

They say B-Blooded Leos are even more selfish and self-centered than the other antigen counterparts. Worse than that, I've heard in Japan, artists are not only considered on their looks, voice, dancing capability, personality, etc. They're also considered on what type of blood-type they are. With the "A" tyoe as the main criteria as well. Face it, go find the profiles of Gackt, Takuya Kimura, etc etc. This is sad.

Talk about sexist, this is bloodist.

I wonder if Hard Gay(Right) is A-blood type as well?

Does having what blood type dictate what a person you're supposed to be? That is so unfair!
Might as well drain all my blood and go for a blood tranfusion just to enter "Johnny's".
I've always wondered where my dad's side originated, as it was common to hear that Chinese having "O" instead of the weird "B", they say it's either from the Malays or god knows what.

Wait a minute, does that mean i'm partially one??!
I claim "Ketuanan Melayu"! XD
Oh god puh-lease. I wouldn't want those crotches if it were begged to be fixed upon me. I'm a Chinese, and I'd want nothing better than that. That is, if I couldn't be a Caucasian... I like my pork!

Tell me how could anyone resist this???

Besides, my great-grandfather was a merchant from China, so we can say that I've no proof that I'm something else than a Chinese.
What if I was from some tribesmen that originated from Mongolia? They did conquer China before.
Does that mean I'm a huge, violent rider from the north and I'm supposed to go around raiding, living as a nomad?
That wouldn't be too bad right? That means I'll have Genghis Khan as my ancestor. XD

Dun Play Play! I'm a part of the Golden Horde!

Yawn. No proof, yet again.

This sucks.

I'm just some BOdOh guy specualating his ancestral roots. The only thing I'm certain is I'm somehow, most possibly be related to China's biggest traitor. Sharing the same surname, it's quite obvious isn't it?
Similarly, birthdates are also something girls like to compare and use for "research" under star signs. This, apparently is much more easier compared to having to suck blood from someone and doing a blood test just to find out the blood type. Besides, that's the point of horoscope right? What's the use of a blood type when you don't even know the DOB of that person?
If that is so, I'm linked to two very prominent people in this era. One of them is someone that I'm very proud to declare and to everyone, especially footie fans. Since he's the most successful captain in the Club's history. When he plays, they play. If you wanna know more, read here.

Be afraid, be very afraid...

While the other one...erm...isn't someone I would like to brag about. But he shares similiarity with the previous. Having the never-say-die atitude and being very charismatic, it's something i really should emulate, though, not his "interesting" encounters. Plus he was a huge factor in the recent elections. Need to say more?

He's smiling because Hard Gay just did a lap dance in front of him.
Don't get me wrong. Both of them have had the capability to change the world. I wonder if having the same birthdate would entitle me the same destiny as well?
I would also enquire how many girls could claim that their horoscope-picked boyfriend matched their expectations? Neither sign is inferior to another. Doesn't mean that being under the star sign of Leo made me any better. That piece of garbage is not any better since he's at the same star sign. I wonder if i would be the exact same a*****le as he is?
Oh don't get me started on chinese horoscpoes T.T...about rabbits and dragons etc etc...
I recall the nights when i sat with my mom watching Taiwanese fortune telling shows discussing about things from money to love to health et al. Things like I've never heard before like BaZi and ZiWeiDouShu appeared. Then I realised that the horoscopes have begun to go out of hand.
Everything from accidents to meetings and interviews have been dictated by horoscopes. I wonder if going to the toilet at the most optimum time would also bring more "GOLD" into the house.
In that case my dad would be the 1st to respond. Typical B-Blood, if my mom would presume.
Blood-type is just something that should be left for medical or biological purposes instead of being a gauge towards somebody's atitude or selection of employees. If a tye of blood is branded as 'bad', then a huge population in the world would have to be exterminated for this matter.
Get real people, it's just an antigen. It cannot make your life any better.
It only makes u jealous towards another horoscope sign's fortune and divides people. Not many realise that there's a balance for every one of them. Doesn't mean that you're a Pisces you're not allowed to lead. Doesn't mean that you're a Libra and u gotta be the most sociable person around. It also depends on your upbringing, beliefs and the spur of a moment, not to mention tons of other factors that i cannot think up now.
Believe me, it's just good enough for reference. Having to refer it makes u look nothing better than shaking the 8 ball and asking for answers.

Nonetheless. Maybe I should go refer my horoscopes, read the stars and see if I'm going to get a lot of response for this post?

Sweat Betul.....WTF

2008-04-30T18:00:00.004+09:30

Things hadn't been going well for me these few days...

I mean my plan to study during my break had gone awry, making me rush my assignments on the last day and having to stand on the bus stop for half an hour just to get back. Having the wind howling at me made me realise how thin t-shirts are, and i had just weighed myself that day and i was only 68kg.

68kg

That's how much i weighed during Form One.

OMFG i am underweight for the 1st time in my life.

I just seem to get thinner and thinner. Probably because i skipped meals and usually used this to punish myself whenever i missed a class or just did something that was off my decision. Apparently i do make a lot of mistakes. I just don't seem to learn from it.

Speaking of mistakes, i missed my test today. I woke up ten minutes into the test time and the 1st thing i did was to punch myself in the face and then tell myself i will pay for all my stupidity. Burning the midnight oil really doesn't pay off at all. My mom called and i can feel the dissapointment she has and it made me feel even worse. I just simply couldn't make myself to function properly. I even wanted to punish myself by skipping two meals but i told myself that if i don't feed myself, whatever punishment i implement wouldn't help me in my studies at all, i'm not a fuel cell, i need food to generate all the fuel to do what i want.

Ever since Form 6 my body mass had been decreasing, while i did gain a bit during my workdays, but then it went down again after i went to Uni. I felt that the pressure of learning and having to do alot of things by myself very daunting and the lazy bug just keeps telling me to procrasinate. The weather doesn't seem to help as well. I don't really bother cooking now since all i cook is for myself and when i do cook, i just whip up something for everyone. The last time i did this was to make a Thai Green Curry with diced chicken, and a chicken stew, bearing in mind one of my friends is taboo to beef(like he cares at all) I was super pleased with what i did and would really look forward to moving out with them and having them as guinea pigs. Bwahahahahahahaha....(swt wtf i can't fin the pics i took about my food!!)

Nough said. I really seem to be in a bad run these days. Had arguements with four girls. One i had to call back and clear things out. Then i was in a super bad mood and just snapped at one until she was super upset and ignored me. Apologized and situation cleared. Then there was weiqi yesterday when i told her about something she didn't know back in my hell-ish days. I commented on her blog post about her view after i had told her the story from my side. I never knew what she went through when i saw she had some kind of dread towards something. Eventually she gave up and demanded that i never mention that issue to her anymore.

Things doesn't seem to go right at all. My studies is stumped, having social problems, health problems and even sleep problems. I really feel like whatever determination i had just dissipated under the chilly wind. I really felt that i had lost all the desire to work and realise my aim. I felt like distance has finally got on to me, and there's nothing to hold me back or spur me on anymore.

I felt like as if the feelings not there anymore.

Maybe i really had forgotten about her.

When i talked to weiqi about that matter i felt as if i was telling a story. I don't feel the tears when i told minjie or shirley or my other friends about it. It still bugs me, but it doesn't do as much damage as it did before. Things just, milded.

I'm not happy about this at all.

I had this vision of realizing what i want and going back to change things. Set the business straight, probably get back at those who crossed me. But now, i felt like i can just live on without setting the balance straight, which is preposterous and something i will not tolerate myself to give in.

If Daniel Powter's had a bad day, i had a bad week. Probably a bad month as well. Now i gotta mail my tutor Luke Balzan and see if he can help me deal with my test. If not, serves me right. I really do feel so, i brought it all to myself. Similiarly like what happened back then. serves me right.

PS: Sweat betul...wtf...is my motto, it annoys Wilson and everyone, usually they just demand that i stop it, but i'd just tell them to stop making me sweat!

FITna-ah (My version)

2008-04-22T01:55:00.003+09:30

It’s been a long time since I stepped into my blog since my outburst a few weeks ago. Went on a trip, ate some gorgeous food, especially Gelato and came back with good memories and new friends. For a moment, my life seemed perfect. I can’t help but grudge time for going so fast, and by the time I noticed, I was going back and my old worries came back to me again.

Actually, I am supposed to do a review about the list of Anime I’ve watched. Noticed the amount of anime I have been exposed by my friends, which is more than any anime I have watched in my entire lifetime!!! I’m seriously going to be branded an “otaku” if I don’t snap myself out of this soon. But I guess my trip as negated the effect somehow.

Still, I can’t help but introduce some of the anime I’ve watched, because they have accompanied me when everything seemed gray, and they actually made me think after watching them. Some of them are really meaningful, some of them are just slapstick comedy just to cheer me up. Mind you, I’m a depressed person. Usually I have to cheer myself up or I will just make my already sour face curdle more milk into cheese instead. I might even end up with some Gorgonzola like those torrid times I had in Form Six. ‘Nough said, I HATE Form 6, and thinking about it just makes me want to puke whenever I see anyone claiming U6F1 of 2006 was one of the best classes. In fact, we were crap and most of us just screwed Chemistry, how do I know? Being a Chemistry teacher in my school, I had to take the flak and answer Pn. Ng’s query about what appalling results we got. So shut up about how good it was. We sucked in class co-ordination, we have idiots running the class administration, and having nonsensical people disrupting the classes we had. Not to mention the crap play we created. I bought the disc, but I never even wanted to watch my own play that I had put so much effort into. What is there to be proud of? Not to mention having to sit on the floor after some crap idiot taking away my seat just because he had no sense of brain at all.(I personally believe that he did it on purpose because he got shifted to another table and had to take mine so that he can sit beside her and also kick me out, killing two birds with one stone.) Now even my most prominent blog reader is his best friend.
OMG

What the hell has this world gone into?

I’m actually making friends with the enemy.

I’m fraternizing with the people who think garbage is gold.

Might as well go say hi to him and hug him and thank him for showing what a dick I am and suck his **lls like Gillian Chung.

I keep living in the past aren’t I?

I came across something I saw on someone else’s T-Shirt saying this: "We can’t live in the past, but the past lives within us."

I hate my past. But it keeps me from straying. I don’t wish to remember it. But I remember it because it reminds me of things I should do and should not do so that I would not fail again.
I’ve even made friends with a fool that blasted me 5 minutes into a conversation. I was being polite and trying to at least get to know someone before even giving them anything personal. This fool (so shall we quote this person from now on) made an abrupt entrance by giving me a good blast for all the courtesy I give. Somehow this reminds me of the fact that being nice pays nothing at all.

In fact I’m not surprised that this happened. Especially from knowing someone who is BFF to garbage.

Sometimes I get so fed up with people using hormone imbalance as an excuse to say why they said the wrong things when they were cranky, or when they did something wrong, or to get away with any activity they don’t feel like doing so (especially swimming). I wish I can feel how much hormonal upheavals they experience to even guess why they have the liberty to even unleash their imbalance on people with no consideration at all.

Then if I may ask, if one can launch hormonal imbalances towards people, horny men should also vent their sexual frustration on people as well? Stimulations such as these are also caused by hormonal imbalances secreted by the glands and since it is a hormonal imbalance, why is this expression checked? Is it because it actually causes harm towards someone? Fair enough.

If that is so, then being traumatized by hormonal-imbalanced ranting also needs checking. This also causes serious trauma towards innocent people who are passing by and subjugated or forced upon to listen and be victims of half of the population in this world? Why should one have the liberty to “rape” people’s ears and mind while the other is checked? If everyone can go all over the place and shove hormonal imbalances to everyone, there is one heck of a hormone tsunami we can make to hit around the world ten times over. We might even use this as our solution towards fuel shortage with all the potential energy it can unleash.

Having fits or being unhappy doesn’t mean one can just get away by claiming hormonal imbalance. You have the right to be unhappy, but you cannot force me to be as unhappy as you. Fair enough, I do not have to be unhappy just because you tried to make me unhappy. But I have the right not to tolerate your unhappiness.

In fact this supposedly anime report has turned into another hormonal outburst.

Delete me off your Facebook account, MSN, like I care.

Go ahead and tell everyone what an ass or small-gassed person I am, like I care.

I do not believe in giving face just because you have two coconuts more and a banana less than me.

Like I said, I have the right not to tolerate anything I do not feel like it. I have my right to decide what I want to write. It’s unfortunate for you to even lay eyes on this article, too bad, my bad.
If anyone feels like taking a plunge after her, be my guest. I have no need of people who only wants to walk over me like a clumsy dinosaur and crap around like a fool.

It’s no wonder why they go extinct. Hormonal imbalance.*chuckles*

Annoucement

2008-04-06T02:32:00.000+10:30

Making a short notice this time.

I did promise to post about stuff I watched recently and having just finished the last episode of MS Gundam 00, I won't be surprised if I did make myself a long post after this.

I have alot in my mind right now. Especially after today. I don't really like to talk about this, and I don't really care. Nor do I have any remorse or guilt in whatever I have stated. To whine and complain about this makes me nothing more than those hormone imbalanced creatures from Venus.

I do not wish for any comments on this. And I don't f**king care how this goes. That's that.

Before I stop, i think i can add in Setsuna's quote to Marina:

"I wanted to know...why our world is so terminally distorted?

Where did that distortion come from?

Why there are people who are unconciously evil?

Why don't people realise that their evil hurts others?

Why is humanity an existence that only conflicts with itself?

Why there are people who rule, and those who are ruled?

Why do we wound each other?

In spite of all this, why do people live on as they do?"

We can't blame everything on one entity, but we can say that one thing is for sure, those creatures from Venus aren't innocent from these meddlings as well.

In fact, I think they are a huge distortion, and I have been seriously distorted by it.

Not just once, But for so many times.

The worst I can expect is that I would lose others. So?

I'm not like others. Losing friends isn't a pain to me.

Losing my dignity is.

Gundam Exia (cont'd)...

2008-03-19T00:15:00.000+10:30

OK la...make u guys suspense about my Gundam adventure...sorry about the wait...kinda busy nowadays...but anyhow with a late class 2ml...i've decided to update myself and let my loyal readers (ahem, probably just weiqi, eimun and my sis lo) see what i'm up to recently...

Chiang chiang!! My all new Gundam Exia GN-001....
Took this picture while crashing at Wilson's house, spent the whole night making it...

I know some of u will be having the

-______________________________-

look liao....it's small ok? Bcoz i bought the cheaper 1/144 version lo...poor ma... in fact i almost wanted the 1/100 or the 1/60 de lo...but both of them would've occupied my table space and would be standing alongside my newly-bought IKEA lamp ^^(not yet take pic lor...) and it's such an adorable and affordable piece...which the bulb costs even more than the lamp!!! omg....

Btw...dunno why got so many disgusting de observations lo recently...like last week i saw a couple making out in the 2nd row during lecture...the guy was deliberately kissing her neck profusely and had to be restrained by the lecturer...and today i saw a couple making out at McD's ...with the guy "milking" his somehow plump gf using his face on it lo...in public...my friend Chong was having his McChicken and he had a hard time eating...and Wilson was having milkshake!!! LMAO!!!! Need i say more?

And to be told by my friend of an incident regarding a couple trying to copulate in public during a concert is alarming...half of my mind thought of a wasted chance of not being there...the other of the senselessness of the people with no consideration...haiz...and i thought i was open-minded ="= anyhow nothing happened as somebody told them off...urgh...sounds like mating season to me...

Next post...maybe about the series that i have recently watched about, including Gundam 00 and School Rumble...seriously becoming an anime freak nowadays....

Uncertain Future...

2008-03-11T00:24:00.000+10:30
I am writing this after a few days stay at my friend’s house…during that time, thanks to him, I was able gain full use of his personal-high speed internet connection to keep track of the election result that occurred on Saturday…even before the election results came in…we were having a great time joking, playing games and teasing each other, as well as talking about the outcome of this election. One thing is for sure, I knew that change was about to come…

I never felt strongly about politics, until the introduction of General Knowledge (Pengajian Am) in my Form 6 period…Ms. Tan, my PA teacher, gave me immaculate details about how the country was functioned, the stories behind them, and also why we were in this current situation. I gained a lot of insight into the way our country was run by surfing the web ever since the Bersih and Hindraf rallies and felt strongly about certain issues that was deemed taboo and discouraged to question, especially the NEP and Malay superiority (Ketuanan Melayu).

I had countless arguments with my family about the certain issues that I had pointed out, especially with my father. Now, my father is a kind of person that I would never want to cross or annoy, probably of the past memories of him being violent and fierce, and also the distance we were as he was never around the house. I admit being a mother’s boy, showing distinct features that somehow made me more feminine, and also equates to me being labeled as GAY. (For that issue, read my previous post to see my explanation to that matter.) The fact is, my father was a staunch BN supporter, and there are reasons why he did so.

Firstly, it was my family business. Now, most of the people never knew what my family used to sustain our lifestyle. Probably they thought I was rich, and usually had some luxury items with me, like an MP3 player, a cellphone, and a car, that my father would be some rich Tan-Sri tycoon that feeds off our country’s resources. Closer friends would name my father as a famous national basketball player, and strangely having his son being helplessly poor in this particular sport. Neither of these facts were accurate, as neither my father was a rich tycoon, nor my dad won so many trophies that he can live his life comfortably with the money he won from basketball competitions (In fact, I doubt he won anything as Malaysia wasn’t that influential in the world of basketball.)In fact, I sometimes feel ashamed of telling people of what my family does as a career, and would shy away from the question every time when this was asked. My mother usually tells me to write “Manager” for my father’s occupation, and “Supervisor” for my mother’s when filling out forms regarding that matter. The fact is my family was involved in the gaming industry.

What do I mean by that?

My family actually runs the Magnum 4-D business.

Play The Game...
If you lived in Malaysia, you will often come across a yellow shop with 4D as a symbol (they changed the logo a few years ago) and it will also include a slogan “Play the Game.” During certain days, you would see people swarming at these shops, especially during Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday for no reason at all. Sometimes you would have cars clogging up the roads beside these shops, heck, even buses whereby bus drivers would drop buy and while passengers would be inside waiting for the ride to go on. Sometimes you would see the person walking out with a smile on their faces, which is when they had won a prize for predicting the exact four numbers in the correct sequence, and betting a certain amount of money into predicting that number. In simple terms, it is called gambling. You gamble with four numbers, and bet money on it. Get it?
This is an example of how the ticket looks like...don't buy the number though

A normal business day...look at the traffic...

Honestly, I have never gambled before in my life. Well, not until the Texas Hold ‘Em game in my friend’s house. Yet, I helped others to gamble. I used to scorn smokers, drinkers, womanizers, swindlers and gamblers. I would be confident to say that I would not be a smoker as I would not pay money to poison myself, and personally having respiratory problems; I would not be a swindler but I would lie if I had to, when it is needed; I would not be a drinker as I have allergy towards alcohol, I would not be a womanizer, if I married the woman I love; But about gamblers, I would slap myself if I scorn them, as I myself and my family, are helping them to gamble, what difference do we have in comparison to drug peddlers distributing drugs to the addicts?
My mother used to work as the secretary to the owner of YeeLee Corp. Where it was after the birth of my youngest sister, she resigned in order to fit the time raising us, as well as to help my father in his business. That is where “Manager” and “Supervisor” comes in, my father owns the shops, but my mother runs the administration within it, due to her experience. She did an outstanding job with it. My family’s business began to grow, and we began to have a much more comfortable lifestyle. From the corner lot in First Garden, to the Semi-Detached two-storey house in Arena Kepayang Putra. I would say that because of my family’s personal efforts, we have gone from a low-income family to a middle income family, and was able to afford the stuff that you see that was in my possession. My family founded our lifestyle, and we worked damn hard for it. Having seen my parents worked tirelessly, sometimes to the point of collapse in order to increase sales and even solve potential problems, I never questioned them about the virtues of encouraging people to gamble.

The fact is, if we coerce people not to gamble, we lose our fortune. Often you would see Muslims walking in our premises and trying their luck as well, with full knowledge of the fact that gambling is illegal in their religion. We would still sell it to them and with no feeling of remorse. Sometimes it was a Muslim policeman that would come in and do the same thing instead, isn’t that ridiculous, they know about it, and yet they chose to do it? There were even times where the undercover-religious officials would try to catch these people instead, but yet they would still walk in and gamble. My conscience would be to tell them of the rules, of the times when I could, I never did. I never questioned this question openly to anyone, and I swallowed my pride and virtues whenever I sat upon the counter, selling those tickets (Yes, I have often sat upon the counter as one of the ticket operators, selling tickets to people regardless that they are children, Muslim, or anyone that is not supposed to even try gambling at all.)

I started by having the distaste of selling tickets and encouraging people to gamble to just being annoyed receiving money by dirty-looking fellows. I still have the irritation of handling dirty money, and would go and wash my hands occasionally after handling the money, notable to my family members as well as other ticket operators. But the idea of encouraging people to gamble was suppressed strongly that I forgot about it until now. It was no more to me than praising shamelessly about how a customer looks in a clothing I sold, believe me, I had a hard time at first saying those words while I was working in The Store, now I can praise a girl with no shame at all, but I still refrain from doing so as I prefer to be truthful to myself. Therefore, do not assume that I am a man that is honest and truthful; I could be as flower-worded as that shithead could be in charming girls, and it’s just that I chose not to do so. I felt no shame in doing so because; I was helping my family business and earning my keep in the family. My sisters rarely bother helping out, and that made me the first option whenever my parents had an operator on-leave or need an extra hand.

Everybody used to think that I am some kind of deity, who upholds morals and always does the right thing. (Again, mentioned in my previous posts) Because of that, I would’ve never come across situations where I have to question the virtues in doing something against my moral standards. In fact, I am nothing special compared to all of you. I am a normal person facing challenges every day, questioning my actions and decisions when problems arise. It’s just happens when I usually chose to do something morally or logically than being a rash teenager that I got the nickname. I had times when I couldn’t afford to choose, I chose to be morally or logically correct whenever I could. I have gone against my virtues enough to appreciate the times when I can afford to do so. I am, so very common.

Do not get me wrong sister, I have no qualms about our family business. It has clothed, fed, transported, and sheltered me ever since I was born. If I were to deny it, I would be taking every single cell out of me and giving it back in order to do so. I have learned to accept it, and would carry it on if our family business needs an heir, regardless of my moral values. As Confucius quoted, merchants are crooked. A morally sound merchant would never be rich or successful. In order to be a good merchant, you must discard your moral values and resort to the worst possible actions in order to achieve your goal: Gaining profit. Business is war, and war is always dirty. I will be ready for it, if needed.

Back to the elections, where our countrymen have done us proud by showing a corrupt, arrogant, and inconsiderate government that Makkal Shakti, or people’s power is very much alive amongst us. A lot of people, especially my family, resent change as changes would affect my family business, especially if PAS or Pan-Islamic Organization of Malaysia takes power. Most of us know that one of the most prominent features of their ruling regimes is to close down gaming premises, upholding the Syariah laws in the state itself. With that, I risk putting my family business in jeopardy had I supported the opposition coalition. Which in fact, I did, and it turned out to be a marvelous result to our people. I had enough with the fact that I was treated as a 2nd-class citizen in the country that I was born and bred into, and given lesser preference, and being racially undermined by a group of people who apparently had no regard for our welfare, and oppresses us with no check in power. A lot of people often questioned the need to have an opposition when our country is so peaceful, stable and progressive. The image of the Opposition being an evil, selfish entity depicted by the government gave no quarter and made Malaysians think that voting for them is being in the wrong side of the equation. So much so that I even hated the Opposition when I was young and prayed hard that the ruling coalition won and it remained so, being so convinced of our country being that beautiful, little did I know that I was being corrupted and brainwashed as wanted by the government, together with the other children in the country. A lot of school students are being painted a pretty little picture that our country is a tolerant, progressive and fair nation where in fact, we have corrupt officials, racial tensions and double standards happening around us. Nobody has dared to speak out because we always believed that they were the only answer to our nation’s progress, probably also the fact that we have become so accustomed to the fact that they have rules us since the nation was formed? As well as being afraid of the time when we actually stood against them that blood had been spilled? We were controlled by so many factors that caused us to resent change, as change was an evil notion, and it serves no purpose at all.

Nevertheless, none of us realize that even if we didn’t opt for change, we would be doomed as well. The Islamnisation of our country has further caused religious rifts amongst the people. The concept of Islam Hadhari seemed to be noble, but the fact that cases of body-snatching, sexist remarks, and even civil cases like Lina Joy, had been irresponsibly judged by the Syariah court has shown that the Syariah judiciary system has increased power over matters, serving no advantage to the non-Muslims. Tell me, one way or another, we are heading towards the wrong way, and sooner or later, my family business would be closed as well. Islamnisation of the country does not profit my family at all, and yet we follow and hushed ourselves as our supposed representatives, MCA (Malaysian Chinese Association) and MIC (Malaysian Indian Congress), could only nod their heads to the orders of the Big Brother (UMNO), which is an open secret known to everyone, that our representatives are nothing but lapdogs waiting to feast on whatever leftovers handed down by the master, tell me, is there any use to have such a representation?

Honestly, I should be happy for no changes occurring at all. My uncle, Lem Cheng Sze, (yes, he is younger than me, but we’re related if u see the family tree his is of a elder position compared to me) has been annoyed of the claims of change in our country, as well as being upset of me circulating emails about the ugly things happening in our country. He even sent me one back and told me to consider both sides, not by only listening to claims of one side. I will use this opportunity to tell him back that I have seen the good and ugly of Malaysia and I know what is best for my country. No matter which side we choose, we don’t benefit much from it, due to the corrupt nature of our politics. One way or another, we end up with corrupt politicians, might as well keep the same ones so that we can keep an eye on them, right? My uncle has obviously benefitted from the fact that his uncle is none other than Datuk Seri Ong Kah Ting, Chairperson of the MCA. Which means yes, that I am distantly related to him as well, I couldn’t help but point out that his JPA scholarship to UIllinois something that his uncle would’ve helped him to achieve. I have never benefitted from him, and thankfully not because that would give me another reason to slap myself. Obviously he would in turn, support the lapdogs and eventually, I have no doubt that he would turn into one of them and I would see him standing in the stands and contesting as a candidate. I take full responsibility in pointing this out as this is my blog, and yes, you can read this and correct me as you see fit. If I am wrong, I will apologize profusely and correct this paragraph.

About the NEP, I agree that the Malays at that time were so poor that the social status has become a strain amongst races. Not to mention the shameless act of parading and saying those insulting words after elections by the opposition have ignited the anger of the poor, is something I feel ashamed and understand well of. However, I do not feel that going around chopping people off is justified at all. The policy has undermined the people long enough, and from what I see, it has only benefitted the UMNOputras and their cronies. Even if it has helped the Malays, it has been 40 years since its implementation, the only product that came out were lazy, dependent people that could not compete against the boundless world; I’ve even been told by somebody else that the Top Scorer of my year in SPM, who got 17A1s, actually failed her Oxford entrance exam. For a person that has scored almost twice the number of As that I have, she would’ve got over the test easily, but that happened. Look, I have no problem nor do I look down on any particular race. But examples like these do not make things look any better than it seems. I would be happy to welcome or admit defeat and respect anyone with caliber, regardless of his background. Honestly, I believe Malays do not like the idea of having described as people who walk with crotches. But for a group of people who claim to be sovereign on a soil that was not previously theirs, it has been more than enough for us being oppressed, let alone having to suffer the injustice of being treated as a 2nd class citizen in a country that we are born in. The fact is that we just as much Malaysian as you, and why should we bow to the fact that we are from across the sea? If anyone has a right to be called a Malaysian, we do. Not by the colour of the skin, but by how much we care about the nation. Enough of racial politics, we are idealists who look forward to a nation where tolerance amongst people is really happening, and enjoy peace, prosperity and freedom to speak out and choose. That is what I am fighting for and that is what I believe, someone who truly has the nation’s benefit at heart. I speak not for myself, nor my race, nor my religion; I speak as a person who wants my country to really prosper and cares about it.

That is my reason, sister. I wrote that much to explain myself and for everyone to hear out why I feel strongly about it. Even as we speak, the fact of having a PAS MB is very much likely is not a rosy outlook to my family. With my family business gone, I would be forced to leave my studies as I guess my family would be heavily burdened by what I have going on, and I might have to return and find work to ease it. But it has happened, and I have to pay the price of it.
Shame on me, yes. But shame on you, like other selfish Malaysians, for not looking forward enough.
I love my family, but I guess I have put my priorities wrong this time. Time may tell if I regret this. But I’m willing to take the chance, would you?

Mom, if you’re reading this post, please understand my stand.

Dad, I know this is stupid, but I wish we could work out a middle ground for this. I hoped only for the Opposition to deny BN 2/3s of the majority, but unfortunately we have something unexpected happening, and I wished we had something else instead. Then it would’ve made me or you feel better, right?

Sister, say what you want. I have considered long enough for this matter.

Cheryne, I’m sorry I was angry at you yesterday. I thought you sounded inconsiderate. I found out that it was the only comfort words one can say to this situation. I guess it’s just imagining you talking to me made things worse. I will try to solve that. Thank you for your concern.

My 1st Gundam!!

2008-02-25T22:51:00.000+10:30

I bought my 1st Gundam Model!!

It's the GN-001 Gundam Exia from the MS Gundam 00 Series....better known as the Seven-Sword Gundam...yes, he does have seven swords at his disposal, mind you, it's not a catchphrase...

GN-001
Right now i still can't remove the package box...in awe of my decision...and fear of screwing up on something that is not cheap...

Girls probably would go -_________- and say that i'm childish and splurged on toys and should grow up(or spend on them instead :p)

I was actually induced into buying this after one of my good friends Mike, bought the Gundam Dynames which is another MS Gundam from the same series, and after listening to his explaination, i thought it would be interesting to try this out myself...

Exia in Avalanche-mode(Extra equipment)
People like my mom would go berserk knowing i spent money to purchase something that is inedible and not constructive to my studies...in fact i still feel stunned by my balls to get this even though i knew it would cost abit (having got a big angpow from another friend's parents sure helps in making this decision much easier) However, i chose to see this as a work of art...

Since many would not know(i mean those who are clueless about anything concerning Gundam) that why this is something that i would bother buying since all it does is pose and well, pose. But to me, i see this as something that uses alot of concentration and focus to build, and to form it piece by piece perfectly is something all Gundam enthusiasts(not me, yet) dream of...Mike says a perfect one would need to be glued painstakingly and painted with care, and treated like a work of art...

Personally i feel the same way as well, but it was for model planes...

I wanted to get model planes for myself since last year, starting with an A-10 Warthog, but apparently everywhere i went, i just couldn't find it, and all i could get my hands on were the Spitfire, or P-51 Mustangs, very old WW2 era warplanes,(though Discovery claimed the Mustang as the greatest fighter plane that ever existed)...i felt more and more frustrated by the lack of model shops...not to mention having nobody to teach me about this...therefore my enthusiasm was buried, until now...

Why not go for it since i have a pro Gundam builder teaching me that i have wanted to learn?

My only wish is that it would turn out as good as it looks on the front cover...

I'm still sitting here looking at it...

still looking....
..

I really am so petrified of it...what if i screw up? I can't afford another!!

Oh well just keep looking at it....until Mike comes over to help me...

This may be the beginning of it , or the end of my model building hobby adventure...

Stay Tuned....

Is there such a thing as a sensible woman?

2008-02-16T03:26:00.000+10:30

Argh…screw it. Can’t sleep, might as well write something to ease myself. I have a lot of things on my mind now…and all I can do is just convey it in a matter of words and let u visualize my point of view.

Today I received an email notifying a blog update from one of my friends. Unlike most people, I treat every blog with interest and I wouldn’t mind reading out people’s thoughts, I believe in understanding and sharing thoughts rather than keep a sickening happy-go-lucky attitude and tell everyone everything’s fine. Perhaps there is good in being that, but I cannot make myself do so.

Before I read his blog, I noticed several tones in his Messenger account. He wrote stuff like “looks like it wasn’t meant to be…” that made me think about a lot of stuff. I even recall the look on his girlfriend’s face when we met him on the street. She looked restless. I knew something was wrong. But with the row we had two weeks before, I rather abstain myself from being a nosy parker.

After reading what he had to say, I took a deep breath and just sighed out loud.

My suspicions were confirmed. He did break up with her.

From what I read, it sounded painful enough. While telling my other friend about what I read, I made myself nudge him and ask him what was going on. He sounded alright at first, and then he burst and started to sound emotional with all sorts of rants. Apparently he was being cheated all the while when he was away studying. He only found out when he did something I believe any couple will cry out loud and say it is indecent. But reading her text messages made him found out about it. I couldn’t say I agreed with the method, and I can only see that it was for the greater good. I rather not elaborate on how they settled it. But looking at the eyes of someone u love and not see the flame in response, and that reminds me perfectly of what I had two years ago.

Those stunning eyes.

Nothing.

Not even a sparkle. Someone might as well stabbed me or shot my head at that moment. I can never forget those eyes. Those are her best features, and her most cruel ones.

No matter how hard you try, as long as the flame’s gone, there’s nothing you can do to reignite it.

An unanswered love is like banging yourself to a wall.

You’ll get hurt. Yet the walls feel nothing.

I couldn’t do much in comforting him. I never knew what to say, and I know saying anything wouldn’t help at all. In fact, I didn’t try to even comfort him. Nobody comforted me two years ago. I simply made myself drown in misery for every single day of that year, every single day was a torture session, and I had once said, I felt like Jesus being tied on the stake, and lashed with whips while carrying a crucifix towards the execution grounds.

Every single day.

Nobody knew.

What good would it be even if everybody knew?

Misery wouldn’t have gone through the walls.

I began to understand how cruel the world was.

I began to embrace the fact that all of us are selfish.

I felt weak, unable to even handle my own fate.

I felt helpless.

I felt the pangs of mortality.

For once, I was not afraid of dying.

In fact, it felt good to just end my life there, at that moment, just to ease the pain.

How pathetic is that?

She would be proud, to see how much power she holds over my life.

Yet, still she chooses to hang her own life on the line.

As much as I like to repeat, why the hell women are stupid and blind?

There are those who just plainly pick men just because they hit the right notes, being sweet and suave by sweeping you off your feet, and yet they are reputed as a playboy. Why wouldn’t you think twice before even going near a bastard like that?

There are those who just swoon over looks of a playboy. For instance, Edison Chen. Serves him right for being exposed. I saw right through him even as he started his career in the entertainment industry. He was a brat with free-balling with all those stupid women. Oh wait, is there such a thing as a sensible woman? Might as well put that in the same category with “cats growing horns,” or “cows could fly.” Yet even my sister admitted him being handsome. OMFG…I wish I could strangle my sis through the messenger. Too bad u can only nudge them…u can practically see my crumpled face when I heard those words.

There are those who just act saintly and giggle or scream when they are exposed to so-called “indecent” stuff. Heck, even my sister’s friends think kissing is sex. I don’t know what is wrong with women nowadays. Is it because of the liberty they enjoy nowadays, and yet we fail to check the boundless fantasies that they were brought up with? Or is it just the fault of commercialisation where people just cash in on women’s fantasies?

If you want to diss me off in this post, prove to me that u are a sensible, down-to-earth female before even start to even think of debating this with me. That includes no PMS situations where you just launch your whole hormone level at me. If you want to earn my respect, prove it. If not, I will not take away the view of women being hopelessly naïve and useless. "So what?" answers would not make this look any better.

PS: I still maintain my stand that I support gender equality. This post was not done based on chauvinism. I'm trying to prove my point. I would be happy for brainless women if all i wanted was chauvinism. I cannot stand the sight of women being cheated anymore.

Cupid and his Appaling Marksmanship

2008-02-15T01:21:00.000+10:30

Today’s Valentine’s Day.

So, what is that going to do with me?

Unlike other blogs that introduce rose petals or pinkish themes just to celebrate this day. I’ve done nothing to make mine as cheerful as theirs, how pathetic. Today is but another normal day to me, and those who are not attached to anyone. Nonetheless, every year, I felt the same pressure laid upon me by the society. Being single is unbearable every year on this day. I believe many of us feel the same as well.

Some of us will be in the arms of loved ones.

Some of us will be preparing to be swept off their feet, or to sweep someone else’s feet.

Some of us will be stuck with appointments, engagements with unknown people, giving ourselves a chance.

Some of us will be bored by the time appetizers came, and start to think of lies to avoid further misery with the wrong date.

Some of us will be at home, looking at the wall and typing all sorts of crap nobody would even get a glimpse of.

Which one are you?

Nonetheless, those who are not able to celebrate it start to find excuses to why we are not having any special engagements on this very special occasion. Ways vary, but the concept is the same, to avoid being told of being single and in the eyes of those attached, sad.

You would basically hear of stuff like:

“Valentine’s Day is about spreading love. That doesn’t mean it’s only a lover’s type of love, but also friendship, family, even pets!!” And they go on outings with fellow singles or send gifts to their pets and convince everyone that this is also a way to celebrate this occasion.

“Bah humbug! Valentine’s Day are for P***ies. Who needs it? Commitments are f***ing horrifying.” Then you will see them with their eyes of daggers whenever a lovey-dovey couple walks pasts them. Bless you for locking your chainsaw in your garage. This would not be another Texas Chainsaw Massacre after all.

“Men are useless, with their mindless games, and swollen ego. All they want is to get laid. Women rule!!” For these women you will see them going on sisterly expeditions and see them enjoying and having a good time today. Next thing you know, they would bawl all over you and whine why they are feeling left out, and telling you how scared they are on being a spinster for the rest of their life, then barf all over the place. Sigh.

“Today’s Valentine’s Day? I didn’t know that.”Then he walks off unperturbed. But you recall on his desk there was a huge circle several weeks ago on his calendar which marked: “Ask (Name of Crush) out.” You recall the beetroot face you saw several days ago and a notable distance of a colleague from him. And you wonder why the wall in the toilet had some cracks…

Let’s face it. We know why this occasion was meant for. Even if it wasn’t the true meaning, the tide of popular beliefs can’t be turned aside so easily. We all know this is an occasion for couples.
Who would not be jealous of couples walking past being all intimate and loving? Who wouldn’t wish they had the same experience as well?

Who wouldn’t want someone who they have liked in their minds to pop up and say things they wanted to hear? Who doesn’t want to receive love, rather than giving so much, and receive nothing in return?

How many of us would’ve rather died young in the arms of your loved ones, rather than dying alone in a house without even known to people for days? We all want to be loved, rather than love.

There is no replacement for it. So stop lying to yourself. It is a totally different matter from a family’s love to a friend’s love to a lover’s love. They all have one similarity, which is affection towards someone. Anything other than that is what separates us from friends, family and lovers. Imagine jumbling them up together. You would mix up your friends to your lover, family to friends, etc. etc. Not a very good idea. There is possibility of family being friends, and vice-versa. But family as lovers? You do the math. A dot product with a cross product. Not viable.

As usual, I am not celebrating Valentine’s Day, being single, as expected. Therefore, I resort to occupying myself with hours of DotA, and doing this blog. I wish I could celebrate this, but with the right person. Anything other than that would not make me cheerful at all.

Anyhow, I wish all my friends, taken, a fruitful day; single, it’s ok. There are plenty of us to keep company. Waiting for the right one is far better than being desperate.

I’m sorry for posting another depressing post. This should be a happy occasion. But, my mind is always towards matters around that never seem to get right. Being helpless is what saddens me. Having someone does help ease the pain. I would give a lot to have that. I really do.